My boyfriend (18M) and I (17F) have been long distance dating for 6 months (yet we’ve known each other since kindergarten). In the beginning of the relationship we were definitely in our “honey moon phase” and talked 24/7. This time in our relationship was so fun and everything and I felt so close to him. At this time, we both shared our location with each other just to see what the other did throughout the day. I was fine with it- up until recently. He used to not mention anything about it and neither did I. Occasionally he would say something like “Are you at chick fil a? I wish i could go,” and I would laugh about it. At the time I didn’t really care about it and just kind of blew it off. I’ve never really checked his location and I still don’t, but it feels as though recently he’s been checking mine routinely. I asked him how often he checks it and he said he checks it every time he responds to me because it’s “right there”. Obviously it’s hard to have trust in a long distance relationship, but I don’t know if I can stand it anymore. He regularly texts me something about where I am, and even asks me what i’m doing at places. After school I went to a coffee shop and he was texting me why I went there instead of going home. I love him so much but it’s kind of getting annoying. If I don’t respond in a certain matter of time he will say something along the lines of “I see your at home why aren’t you messaging me back?” Whenever I confront him about it he always say it’s a joke and he doesn’t actually care, but I feel like he’s just saying that so I don’t get mad. I am not doing anything suspicious and the only time I’m out is if I am getting food or at school/gym. I would understand if I was always at some random persons house but I literally don’t hangout with anyone. On the one day I do hangout with someone and don’t have time to respond to him, he’ll message “hope you’re having fun with (friend’s name).” The reason why I’m asking for help on what to say is because I’m afraid he’ll think it’s because I want to cheat or something. I have a feeling he’s going to be like “why do you want to stop sharing your location? I just think it’s weird because we’ve already been sharing it this whole time?” but I just really don’t want to deal with it anymore. It’s frustrating because I trust him and don’t need his location but I feel like he thinks he needs mine. Please offer me any guidance or advice and let me know what you think!
TLDR: My boyfriend and I of 6 months have been sharing our location since the beginning, but as of recently he’s been asking me about everywhere I go. Please give advice on how I can tell him I want to stop sharing my location!
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So turn it off. When he comments, just tell him that you’ve spoken to him about his “joking” and that it’s not funny. If he wants to know where you’ve been he can ask you through normal conversation.
This is creepy as fuck. Turn it off and never talk to him again.
Turn it off – you don’t need permission and shouldn’t have to explain yourself.
If he reacts badly – you need to explain to him that you value your privacy/ personal space and aren’t comfortable with anyone having your location – it has nothing to do with him
You don’t owe an explanation to anyone. Period. It’s hard to get used to when you’re young and used to answering to parents, teachers, etc. but you don’t owe him anything.
Why do you feel restricted in turning it off? How do you expect him to react?
It should honestly be a no-brainer, just turn it off and tell him you don’t want him keeping tabs on you 24/7. You’re entitled to privacy. I only share my location with my partner if I’m walking home alone or going out at night without her, because it makes me feel safer if someone has my location.
It seems like this is not a singular issue, though. He’s showing controlling behaviour and a lack of boundaries, probably due to insecurity. You need to talk about it and work out some boundaries if you plan to stay together, I think.
Turn it off and don’t let it be a big deal. If he says anything tell him it’s no big deal. If he keeps addressing it, remind him that you don’t want it to be a big deal, and specifically reassure him that you are in the same relationship you were before. If he says more, then it’s getting weird and that’s not good.
I think you’ve got the framework of what you want to say to him in this post, it just needs a bit of refining.
If it were me, I think I’d just say you have something serious that you want to talk to him about, then let him know that the location thing is starting to be in your mind a lot, which adds stress to being long distance (which is already so hard)
Something I noticed you said was about him starting conversations about where you are. Maybe he’s checking it because he wants to feel close to you, or it’s a genuine conversation starter. I’d give him the benefit of doubt here and assume the best intentions here, at least for the sake of this conversation. In spite of those intentions, it’s becoming a stress.
It sounds like you’re worried that this will bring up other issues, there’s not much you can do about that but be ready to address those as well.
As an aside… Long distance at the beginning of a relationship is SO SO HARD!! My husband and I dated lightly for maybe 3 months before we became official, and then the next 2 years were long distance. I’m honestly not sure how we made it, besides extreme patience, lots of love and respect, and good communication…. Because that’ll really test you! Best of luck to you!!
That is really controlling behaviour on his part. Also, at only 6 months you should still be in the honeymoon phase.
Definitely a bit creepy and a power play. I’d shut it off and see how he responds.