My fiancé Mia (fake name) is very cuddly and she loves being held pretty much 24/7. I usually have no problem with this and I love making her feel safe with me. But lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of medical issues (I still have no clue what’s actually wrong with me) and my body just cant take it anymore. She doesn’t know what’s going on because I was honestly really embarrassed that I’m only 28 and I’m losing pretty much all my muscle. I tried to just keep it from her and pretend to be okay, but I can’t anymore. It’s not that she’s heavy, she tiny. But every night she lays on me and I’m just in so much pain it feels like I can’t breathe.
I love her so much and I really wish I could still twirl her around and let her lay on me, but I can’t. She’s already so insecure about her weight and I don’t want her to think she’s too heavy for me, but I also don’t want her to get scared about my health.
Is there any way I could tell her without her getting upset? I keep trying to say it, but every way I try would make it sound like she’s too heavy or that I’m dying.
Edit: The reason I don’t want to just come out and say it is because I’ve always been able to hold her perfectly fine, but she’s gaining weight (Which is a good thing because she was very underweight before) and she’s really insecure about it. If I tell her I can’t lift her or hold her then I’m worried she’ll stop gaining weight.
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I would say…don’t lay on me because it hurts me
“I also don’t want her to get scared about my health.”
Lying isn’t a good way to start a marriage.
Why don’t you tell her the truth: tell her that your muscles hurt and for a limited time she cannot lay on you. She will definitely understand. Do not use weight as a factor because you don’t want to offend anyone
You have to come clean. If you’re going to marry her, she has to know. You can’t keep your health a secret from the woman who will be your wife. That’s cruel and unfair.
Pretty sure whats going to hurt her more is that you kept this from her all this time.
Just tell her about your issues, be honest
So for a while I was having this issue where id wake up and my knee would hurt. Turns out it was because my fiancee was putting her leg right over my knee cap. So I just said something about it when it happened while we were both awake. Like oh my knee has been hurting for a few days I think it might be because youre laying on my knee. She apologized and it stopped happening. Just gotta talk about it nicely I guess.
Bro… have you been to the doctor yet? Because if you haven’t you have MUCH bigger issues. Protein is the building blocks of EVERYTHING in the body. If you’re experiencing muscular degeneration that is incredibly serious and probably life-threatening without treatment………
After you do that come back and we’ll help you with lesser problems. 👀😬😬😬
As someone who is studying to be a nurse I’m terrified for you… you should go literally today to see a doctor if you haven’t gone yet.
If you tell her about your medical issues and deteriorating strength, you may not even have to tell her to stop laying on you. Tell your fiance what you’re going through.
Please just tell her you’re dealing with some pain and need to shift how you snuggle while you figure out what’s causing it. Lay on your sides and spoon. Don’t make it about her. But tell her you have been keeping the pain to yourself because you’re a little scared, and want to tell her now because you realize you’re a team, and need her support.
Go to a doctor!
Dawg go to the doctor, that’s the best advice here.
You are about to marry this person and you can’t share medial info with her? Don’t you want support in all this?
Lead with this. “Honey sit next to me we need to talk, don’t worry nothing is wrong between us. You are very much the person I want to spend my life with.
That said. I’ve been noticing some weird things happening with my body. Weird pain all over. I’ve tried to ignore it. I’m going to be honest with you, I’m kinda scared and need support. It’s probably nothing, but now my head is spinning.
This is no way your fault, but when I was holding you I felt like I was so weak and in pain. I need to fix this because you deserve to be held as much as I can give you.
I also wanted to protect you if something is wrong. And I don’t want to come off as weak, but we are fitting to get married and I don’t think I can do this alone.”
Those symptoms could be about 1000 things, most of which are not life threatening. Continue on your health/ diagnosis journey, but no need to panic.
My mother got an autoimmune disease in her early 30’s called polymiocitis where her overactive immune system started attacking her muscle tissue. She found out she had the disease because she said one day she was squatting down planting flowers in the yard and couldn’t stand back up out of a squat. It took a lot of testing to get to her diagnosis. Just throwing the condition out there if you’re oddly losing muscle mass at your age for no apparent reason and don’t know why. It could be anything of course, but what you describe sounds much like the symptoms my mother had. I hope you make some headway on whatever ails you!
She has committed to spending the rest of her life with you. Doesn’t she deserve to know if you think you’re having a serious health issue?
Why are you marrying someone that you don’t even feel like you can talk to…?
“Honey, I hope this doesn’t offend or bother you, because I love you and that is the last thing I’d want to do. However, when you lay on me, it is uncomfortable. Please understand. I love you and always will.”
Just tell her that because of your symptoms, that it hurts when she lays on you. And whince litttle when she does to show that you’re hurting. She would want to know if you’re in pain rather than to hurt you.
Maybe Addisons disease?
Also I do believe you need to tell her. Telling her everything will only strengthen your bond with each other and make this easier on you. Yes it will be difficult for her to hear but is lying to her really better? Don’t leave her in the dark, she deserves to know and you deserve your diagnosis so you can heal and i hope it happens soon <3
You’re about to marry this woman and you’re already hiding basic truths from her like a teenager scared to admit he broke curfew. If you can’t even say “it hurts when you lay on me” without spiraling about her insecurities then you’re not protecting her, you’re just lying to her face. Pain isn’t romance man, it’s weakness plus silence, and you’re teaching her you’ll keep secrets instead of letting her support you.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you should just talk with her about it.
You need to be honest about your medical side of it. Don’t tell her she’s too heavy, since that’s not the case.
I went through this. Losing strength randomly. Not being able to sit how I did. My cat kills me when he stands on me. He’s a tiny lil thing.
I have a few autoimmune disorders, lupus being the primary, and issues like degenerative connective tissue disease. I showed symptoms most of my life, but my late 20’s got bad.
If you have yet, see a rheumatologist. They are pretty good at digging things with these symptoms out, even if it’s not something that they will treat. She dug out one issue that required a whole other specialist and was surprisingly easy to take care of.
About 4 months ago, muscle loss and muscle fatigue started again. She put me on B12 shots.
I do physical therapy. It took me from ending up in a wheelchair to ending up on a surfboard. But you need to know what you are dealing with so they can take you in the right direction.
Trust me, if she’s like my husband, insecurities fly out the window and it becomes let’s figure this out, when you become fully open about it and the problems it causes you. Some days hubby can’t hug me bc it hurts.
You might want to check your body and make sure it’s not something cancerous. Don’t care about hurting her feelings. Just tell her you’re going through a real life threatening health issue
Your fiancee will be upset that you didn’t tell her when she eventually finds out because she will eventually notice. The best thing you can do is to tell her what’s going on and because you also need the support, especially while you’re tying to figure out what’s causing the symptoms.
Go back to the hospital when the symptoms flare up as a blood test might show something it didn’t before on a day when the symptoms were slightly better.
None of this sounds real.
Your fiancé probably knows all about your medical issues so it shouldn’t be that difficult to let her know that you’re not able to do the same things as before at no fault of hers.
As far as your health, I would go see a diagnostician. A Dr. House type doctor who specializes in finding out whatever it is that you have.
Instead of her laying on you, could you spoon. Spooning is nice. Either way, whether you fork or not. Spooning is always nice and maybe less pressure. You can take turn being the little spoon. During the day, rest her head on your leg. Or her legs over your lap.
If none of that works, she may get some of the same comfortable feeling from a weighted blanket. People swear by those.
I’m assuming they’ve checked all organs for signs of something wrong? Liver, kidneys, heart, lungs, thyroid, all other internal organs.
If the Drs are telling you to just live with it, you need to see other DRs.
Now, you’re not doing your GF any favors by not telling her about this. This is something you’re going through with your health. Although I u seats d you not wanting to stress her or set off her eating disorder, you owe it to her to be honest about what you’re going through. If she loves you as much as you over her, in willing to bet that she’d be more upset about you hiding your issues.
Just sit her down and tell her that you’ve been experiencing some gradual loss of strength (and the other symptoms) and that whatever it is that’s causing it is making it painful for your body to handle much pressure of any kind. Let her know you’re still having Drs trying to find out what’s wrong. If she cares much about you, and you hide it, she may never forgive you.
Mann please please have urself checked. Please. You guys are genuinely happy and in love, you dun wanna break that. Lots of people would kill to be in ur place.
And it’s also not good for u if u let her lie on you when you’re so uncomfortable to the point ur having hard time breathing.
Jus tell her. Tell her all of this and take her with you on ur doctor’s visit too. I very sincerely hope that it’s jus her gaining some weight and nothing serious.
Geez, no one wants someone laying on them all night. Just say it, “You can’t lay on me because I can’t breathe. Even though you’re light, after ten minutes it hurts.”
just tell her you’re gay, if she really loves u, she won’t care
I think you should do EVERYTHING you can to figure out what the problem is (I have a similar medical thing I still have no solution to after 3 years), advocate for yourself
and secondly, you just have to be honest with her and open. coming from a girl, the longer you wait to tell her, the more upset or scared she’ll be for you. you can assure her it has nothing to do with her, she’ll probably focus more on you instead of her weight and body. and it’s natural for her to be scared for you, anyone who cares about you would be. and sometimes we have to have the uncomfortable talks to make things better
I think if you just be honest. “I love you lying on me, it’s just a little painful right now, can we find another position that’s a little more comfortable?” If you are upfront and honest is your best bet. If you stop all intimacy she might get the wrong idea which your relationship does not need. Honesty is the best policy, followed by a heartfelt honest attempt to find alternative positions that will help her feel supported. Best of luck to you!!!
Dude this is not something you should keep from her! And see a doctor for crying out loud!
My son, at 29 years old realized something was wrong when he couldn’t keep up with guys who were so much more out of shape than he was. He went to the doctor and a stress test was scheduled. He had just barely started on the treadmill when the doctor told him to stop. An immediate scan showed that three of the four main arteries to his heart were completely blocked. The fourth was partially blocked.
The doctor wouldn’t even let him go back to work. At 29 years old My son had a triple bypass. He unfortunately inherited some bad genes from his father who also had a quad bypass. His father before him wasn’t so lucky. The technology to discover and treat heart disease was not yet invented. He died of a heart attack in his sleep right around the age of 30.
Bro just tell her. Im 29 and I tell my partner everything with my health. (Currently trying to rule out cancer so i get the loss of energy and muscle mass) Granted we are married and been together for 6 plus years though. Honesty is the best policy. Always
She’s your fiance. You should be dealing with issues together. Tell her what’s going on, deal with it together.
She’ll be more upset with you hiding it and lying to her. Wouldn’t you want to know if things were reversed.
Stop pretending. Be honest about your health issues and pain. You don’t need to make it about her weight at all. If she makes it about her weight instead of your apparently serious health problems, that’s on her.
You can’t have a healthy and happy relationship hiding this kind of shit from your partner, even with good intentions.
If open communication causes the other person to run, they just weren’t for you.
Medical issues aside, I think you should show her this post. It is sometimes easier to be open and transparent with strangers, so writing this out was a huge step! I think she deserves to know what is going on, and probably has noticed changes as well. If you value the relationship as much as you seem to, this needs to be a serious conversation so that you can tackle it together.
Don’t tell her she can’t lay on you first. Tell her about your health problems first, and then you can bring it up that you’re in pain. She can lay next to you.
Are you dating a child? If not – then she’s your partner. An equal adult and treating her like anything less is kind of weird.
Okay, so she’s insecure about her weight…her and a billion other women…but if you can’t tell your fiancee that something is hurting you without her spiralling…then the relationship isn’t so healthy and you probably need to work on that.
Being sick isn’t embarrassing. Not wanting a grown adult to lay on your body when you’re in pain isn’t embarrassing. Honesty and transparency isn’t embarrassing…especially if you think you’re actually dying.
Just be honest and go to the Dr
By being transparent about your symptoms. Don’t mention weight and tell her that you’re in pain.
I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I love it when you lay in me, but it’s starting to hurt my back.
I just tell people things, i dont really worry too much about how they are gonna take it, they should be mature enough to not be offended, if they are often offended than they arent right for me
You need to tell her there’s no skirting around it, you need to tell her how sick you are foremost and go to an hospital as what you are describing is serious
If you’re actually having medical issues, you’d need the support of your partner.
I know you’re not asking for medical advice and want to know how to explain to her your pain. If you sit her down and calmly express how much you love her, then slowly bring up the fact that you’re hurting. Simple as that. If she’s the one, she shouldn’t be upset about that. She should be concerned about your health and help support you!!!