My sister currently lives with me and my husband. We usually watch something together every night while we have dinner and then split off to do whatever we want for the rest of the evening. The problem is what my sister does during this time.
She usually gets her food first and then goes to sit down while she waits for us, and sometimes by the time we come sit, she’s halfway finished or done. By that time she’s impatient with us and tells us to hurry up.
Then when we decide on what to watch, she’s annoyed/apathetic at the choices we suggest. She usually wants to watch something short so she can get to her other activities quicker, and that just makes us feel rushed. Then, while we’re watching, she goes on to her phone (don’t really know what), and when she looks up at what we’re watching, she asks us what’s happening; this can happen every few minutes. She also shows me videos/pictures while we’re in the middle of watching. It can be kind of disruptive.
Overall, this has made my husband quite upset. He doesn’t want to feel rushed while eating and just wants to enjoy what we’re watching. He feels like my sister is being disrespectful while we do this together. He now refuses to sit with her during dinner anymore because of her behavior.
I don’t really know what to do. These are the two people in my life that I love dearly, and it just sucks that it’s like this.
My sister has a bad reaction to any negative feedback related to her. Last time I brought something up with her, I ugly sobbed for two hours and felt like absolute crap. I don’t want to go through something like that again.
Any advice
Comments
Your sister is manipulative and dismissive. She should find a new place to live if she can’t show basic respect and kindness. She has you so worried to upset her that you’re allowing rude behavior to your husband.
Your sister needs put in her place. She’ll get over it or stay mad but her emotions aren’t your responsibility.
Agreed! Or, have her dish her food up last.
Why does she live with you? More background info needed please.
Make her move on unless you want to lose your marriage he’s first over her
Your sister needs to leave. She is undermining the peace of your marriage and your home.
She won’t like being kicked out and other family members may chime in with criticism for your decision. If they do tell them they are welcome to have her move in with them.
Your marriage is something that requires great care and consideration. The marital bond of mutual respect needs to be protected at all costs. When forced to choose, the choice needs to be your spouse because when you marry you leave your original family and create a new one with your spouse.
It’s harmful to you and your spouse when family members try to force your loyalty to flow away from your spouse and towards them. It’s time to cut your sister loose. And remember: her bad behavior caused this situation. She alone is responsible for the consequences of her actions.
How much longer do you anticipate your husband tolerating being rushed in his own home?
How old is your sister? And why doesn’t she just go do something else instead of watching with you?
If she’s old enough to live somewhere else she needs to.
You love your sister way more than she loves or cares about you. You are being manipulated and y’all’s relationship isn’t healthy.
Sister needs to move out.Now.
You’re a married woman. I assume an adult. Handle your business. Your sister is rude and disrespectful. You don’t have to eat with her. She doesn’t have tow Atchison television with you. You should actually tell her that she’s no longer invited to share time with you and your husband since she makes the experience unpleasant.
Your sister lives with YOU. It’s on her to conform to your schedule or excuse herself to do her own thing. If you’re insisting on the meal together yo enforce a family dynamic, that’s a separate issue. You and sister need some therapy to help mitigate your issues if she’s going to continue to live with you. You both clearly have some.
Instead of trying to change everyone why not just change this schedule/plan for how you do dinner? Your sister just wants to eat quickly then go do her own thing, not hang out watching something – so why force her? You don’t HAVE to do these things together.
What everyone said. You are the one who needs to address this. Your sister is causing instability in your home. She can change and show respect or she can leave.
Your sister is being immature and controlling. Do you know this?
Why does she live with you?
It’s time for her to either be a big girl and go find her own living situation, or grow up and be respectful of BOTH of her hosts.
She’s competing in the attention Olympics.
Time to set boundaries and watch what you and your husband want to watch. Keep the remote in your own pocket if you have to.
She can go do her own thing if she doesn’t like that.
If she wails and grumps around, just stare at her silently and go back to your show.
She may have some kind of personality disorder. Borderline? Histrionic? Narcissistic? Look these up.
Good luck.
Set your boundaries.
No more being manipulated by her.
I would get a super soaker squirt gun and give a good cold spray of water in the face every time she does something rude. When she complains tell her to move out.
If that is to harsh, rattle a can with a few coins in it as a warning and if she doesn’t immediately stop then soak her.
She’s your sister. You should be able to talk to her one on one if you can’t, then show her the door.. why do you give her control and allow that to happen? She’s going to walk all over you. Way worse than she is now. This is your husbands and your house under your roof. Her behaviour should never be allowed like that.!
Why can’t she eat on her own & just go do what she wants to do? Is it a requirement to eat together and watch something together? Sounds like she should eat and let y’all enjoy your moment
You need to stand up for your husband and screw your sister’s feelings. You’re married to him and not her. If she gets mad, so what? You need to consider your husband’s feelings. She’s living with you and your husband. Y’all don’t live with her. You need to get a backbone and stand up for your husband and your home. You’ve given her complete control of your house.
Maybe you should just give up on family dinner every night? You all clearly have your own things you want to do, and it’s not like there’s children involved.
It’s also unclear how old your sister is, but I get a sense she’s around teenage and my personal theory is she has some form of inattentive ADHD.
Have her make her own dinner and go do stuff on her own so y’all can enjoy your quality time…. If she doesn’t like how you guys do things, that’s on her.
Advice? It’s easy
Re-home your sister, asap, if you want to salvage your marriage.
This whole thing makes no sense whatsoever.
Much more info needed.
Is there some reason you all have to eat together? Sounds like it’s something you and your husband enjoy but your sister isn’t in to. Why is her being there important? Why can’t she just eat when she wants and do something else she enjoys while you’re both eating and watching TV?
Put on your big girl pants and just tell her.
I would say we are not ready, please do not turn our television on until we are ready. You are welcome to find something else to do to occupy yourself. Then if she interrupts the show, say shush, you are ruining the movie. Either be quiet and watch or leave the room. If your sister is going to act like a child, treat her like one with verbal corrections about her behaviour at each moment it occurs. Consistently, without attacking her personality in any way.
Perhaps start the conversation about what to watch before sitting down to eat/making plates. Or designate “family dinner nights”, perhaps it’s not sustainable moving forward to keep this going every night or you could try just sitting at the table. While yes, your sister isn’t being very considerate, you guys also don’t have to eat together. If that’s a source of friction, remove it…
Are you having the same food for dinner? If so, why isn’t the food put on the table and you eat family style? If it’s different foods, maybe she can eat first, do her own thing for a bit, and join the tv show when you guys start
She lives with you. In your home. She doesn’t need to have input into what you and your husband are going to watch on TV while the two of you are eating your dinner.
You are free to tell her she’s being extremely rude to start eating before you and your husband have had a chance to sit down, to try to hurry you up while eating, and to interrupt your viewing to ask what’s going on. If she wants to know what’s going on, she can watch the movie herself.
Has your sister been diagnosed with anything? I know people often think some of my autistic movements are “rude,” but I don’t always understand why to varying degrees. Sometimes, I understand the logic behind the explanation, but emotionally, the expectation is not intuitive for me.
Like when people tell me I eat too fast and it’s rude I understand they’re expressing an expectation based around their own cultural conditioning but for me it takes extra effort and mindfulness to slow down to appease them and it makes eating with others tedious for me since I tend to eat “efficiently.” I do not enjoy eating slowly so I’m not in the habit of it, and yet I’m considered ill mannered because my baseline is not the same as what others expect.
I’d seek to understand what is driving your sister to focus and prioritize her actions the way she is. This could be a compatibility issue.
Just live your life on your terms, and let your sister deal with it.
Has no one ever said “NO” to this woman? Geez.
If your sister complains during dinner, tell her to stop complaining or eat when you eat.
If she doesn’t like what food you make, tell her there is a Burger King up the street.
If she doesn’t like what you put on TV, tell her to go to her room or somewhere else and watch what she likes on her phone.
If she sends you texts ignore them until later.
If she asks you what is happening, tell her to watch the show. Do not answer any questions about what just happened.
Geez…..has no one ever given this entitled brat any boundaries?
The more you allow her to get away with this the more you embolden her behavior.
Stop it. Let her be mad. She doesn’t love, she just feels entitled.
This only continues until you say no.
Your husband is right.
Are you forcing “family dinner/tv time”? Why? Just let her be. You can’t control people and also expect a smile and a thank you.
She can eat in her room, with her own entertainment!
Why don’t you guys take turns. When it’s sister’s turn, she can dish up and choose something to watch while waiting for you guys. When it’s your turn, she can just practice being patient. Why do you HAVE to eat together?
Maybe just tell her if she wants to know what’s happening, she can pay attention to what you guys are watching. ‘I’m not going to answer your questions anymore while we are watching. It’s annoying.’