Hi there, I am at a rock bottom and would really value advice.
TLDR: I unraveled my life—hurt my education and relationships—as my parents fell ill. Please help me turn it around.
Growing up I was very social, straight A student, doing great in all regards. I’m an only child and had two awesome parents.
At 17, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and it really rocked my world. He was my hero. I was in college and I handled it poorly by transferring schools three times, out of sheer panic. I never settled down and made deep roots.
It was at this time I started withdrawing from my friends. My dad passed away a few years later after a very very painful battle with cancer.
Six months after, in 2019, my mom developed a life threatening mental illness. She only responded to a treatment that further debilitated her and required daily caretaking.
Meanwhile, I remained distant from people in my life, mostly to retain privacy surrounding my mom’s situation since unfortunately, she was very ashamed of the situation.
I graduated college with a GPA lower than I ever would have expected, with a degree I didn’t feel passionate about.
Since then, I have volunteered here and there but I’ve been flighty and inconsistent with everything I’ve done. I have remained distant from people who I’ve known and I definitely come across as aloof and odd.
I was able to get my mom a new treatment last year and she’s doing amazing, all things considered. I never ever would have expected she could recover in the way she has. She has severe impairments as a result of the treatment she previously received but there are bits of her old self, which I didn’t think could be possible.
I went from flirty, fun, extroverted, driven and open-hearted to very withdrawn, unfocused, disorganized and like I said, I think I come across as aloof and weird.
I have savings in an education fund but don’t know what I’d like to do and perhaps more importantly, am so deeply unqualified for all the dreams I had.
Fwiw, I am in therapy. I just can’t seem to work these things out.
I need a full hard reset and I would love anyone’s advice on how to go about this. I need a 180 in my life.
My ex is dating someone who I see as the type of person I would have become if I hadn’t gotten so side tracked by my parents’ illnesses. Graduate degree, well traveled, strong social network, etc.
I want to fulfill the potential I once had, and seem to have squandered.
Thanks very much