My girlfriend 19F and I 23M just got into a long distance relationship almost 2 months ago. When we were having a discussion about our kinks and what each person likes, she mentioned that she really likes dirty talking, but never got to experience it. So i took upon that and have been trying and experimenting over texts and calls. So far she is saying that she likes and enjoys it a lot, that im good at it, that she thinks about it during the day etc. I havent done it before so im new. Im trying to make up different scenarios every time, provoke different emotions and situations with each try, but im starting to run out of ideas and ways to do it. I want to keep doing that for her and not go dry, she likes it, i do too.
My question is, how can i improve? How do i get better and more creative with dirty talking?
TLDR: I want to be better at dirty talking for my girl
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
It comes naturally and it’s not something you can plan out. When you feel “in the mood” don’t be afraid to have flirtatious and “in the mood” type of conversations. If you force it she can tell.
Honestly, you can just ask her what she wants to hear. Don’t expect to magically know what she wants to hear. It might help to understand what dynamics she likes when it comes to dirty talk. That can help you have more of an idea of the “niche” you should be targeting rather than feeling all over the place.
When it comes to actually executing, my best advice would be to not hold back. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good and all that. Just say what comes to mind and don’t worry too much. Trying something and her not liking it is better than not taking the risk at all imo.
This STRONGLY depends on her kinks and yours
The person receiving it should be what your scenarios are engineered around but it’s even more fun if you explore kinks you both share
If she likes you- you’re the thing she’s fantasizing about
You don’t have to be crazy creative and maybe even just focus in on one specific concept
Example:
If sex in public is her thing, you just ask her where she went that day, or places she wants to visit and make up a relatively similar scenario to a new place each time
If she’s into threesome fantasies ask her if she’s got a friend in mind and basically make up fan fic about that
If she’s into bondage – get into different toys and ropes ect
If she has multiple kinks you can rotate through these
You also always have the opportunity to roll back to a specifically good one
This might also be the time to buy yourself some erotic novels geared toward women and observe some of the language they use
But please for the love of god don’t use the words “throbbing member” that’s such cliche and bad phrase lol
If she likes what you’re doing already you’ll be fine
I thought you were going to say you had no where to start or worse that she didn’t like what you had
This is also just dirty talk and can be purely based on fantasies you’d never really do
Get her involve and make it interactive
Get her to dirty talk back
Depending on the person the following phrases can heighten the experience
“Do you like that?”
“Good girl/boy”
“Give it to me”
You get the gist
But honestly don’t overdo it
Dirty talk is like salt on a meal
The right amount is amazing but too much and it becomes unbearable
Start getting into her other kinks and yours as stated before
If she’s into dirty talk she might be into the following idea
Visual aids >
My wife and I send each other gif’s of porn and it’s really fun
Literally google (on a private tab obv) “porn gif” and tumblr style 3 second clips that send as images will pop up
Add whatever you’re trying to find with that first phrase to google and disable safe search and you’re golden
PSA don’t do this on university wifi / tell her to disable wifi lol
If you can, lose the filter, I’m sure you’ve a lot of dirty thoughts that you censor. Basic descriptions can be hot. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or over the top. Things like “my cock looks good between your tits” or “I love it when you put my cock in your mouth and suck me off”. Unless she has a specific kink you can explore together like praise.
Go to YouTube, look up Wing girl Marnie, she’s got some good tips, otherwise never copy porn dirty talk, and if it’s over text read some smut to get an idea for what to write, I normally go with what I want to do to her and I’ll just go deep into the details of it.
Think of it as like a scene. You are role playing a character and that character has different motivations and environments. So build a “scene” beforehand that you’d like to try and then get into character.
Instead of thinking of lines to say, be more in the moment and act. I’ve found personally it makes it more raw and builds into the fantasy.
Edit: this is very important. Always communicate with your partner and respect limits and preserve the trust.
WATTPAD.
Google old indies of Penthouse Forum. Playboy’s red headed cousin, p penthouse Forum write letters from readers with crazy sexual escapades, 99% of which were poorer fiction. Good inspiration for dirty talk. Or you could consult ChapGPT. Involve your GF in creating the prompts.
Let go of your inhibitions. This is consensual conversation between you both that should be free from judgement. Don’t be embarrassed by it
Start reading more. Go read some erotica novels/short stories online. That will help a ton!
Also: ask her if she likes some ero books and read those. “Learn what the fish likes” 🙂