My friend and I have been friends for 4 years. She has dated and I have dated during this time, we have NEVER had anything close to romantic between us. I have always had alot of friends who are both men and women, and have never had an issue seperating between romantic relationships and friendly.
She just met a guy 2 months ago and this is the first guy (22m) that she really seems to like. I was very excited for her when she talked about him, because it really sounded like she liked him alot, which is new for her.
The she dropped of the face of the earth for a month. We usually talked everyday so it was pretty noticable. However I didn’t really give it much thought, because people that’s in love usually do this for a while. Now it turns out that guy hates me and they have been fighting ALOT over this.
I get the jealousy and suspicion from his part, and told her that we can go no contact until we all meet up and I can actually meet the guy.
Now I met him, the man wouldn’t even say Hello when I entered the apartment, refused to look at me. I tried my best to be polite, carry the conversations etc, but I could see that he loathed me.
Now he tells her that he is worried me and her will hang out and talk all the time, since I have not met the guy… Which she has told him wont happen.
Now I have done my best here, really. But at some point I gotta say I find it a bit controlling to tell your partner who/when/how often they can hang out with a friend, no matter gender.
I am honestly a bit worried for her, because they are moving forward FAST and looking at apartments together. Even if our friendship goes down the drain, I don’t want her stuck with someone who is emotionally manipulating her.
Should I be worried and if yes, how can I approach this with respect?
TLDR
Bestfriend got a boyfriend, boyfriend is jealous and tells her not to be friends with be, despite meeting up he still seems to tell her what to do, I am worried that he is becoming increasingly controlling over her. Not sure how I should approach it.
Comments
Yes, of course this is controlling behavior. I’d tell her that you’re worried about her and there for her. Tell her what you’re seeing and why it’s worrying, and then let her make her own decisions. Then back off and let her set the pace of the relationship. If she pulls back, accept it but make clear that you’ll still be around when she’s ready to be friends again.
It sounds like this is her first real relationship. She’s going to need to make some mistakes to learn from them.
This happened to a female friend of mine, I tried to talk to her but unfortunately she was already in too deep. Long story short she totally cut me off despite 4+ years of friendship.
Sometimes you’ll face sad, or painful situations involving others and realize that, it’s not your job, there’s nothing you can do. It’s their decision, and their and battle to face.