Sex seems like the most intimate personal thing you can share with another person in life.
In a similar way as breaking up with a partner is horrible, the thought of having shared that deeply intimate part of yourself giving the most that you can physically give on a human level, and losing it for insignificant or casual reasons, seems like it would be a particularly violent ravaging of the soul.
I absolutely adhere to and get the logic behind the belief of waiting until marriage. To make that devotion and commitment first, before sharing something as intimate and personal as sex.
I see and hear about so many people using dating apps (as one example), jumping from one partner to the next with seemingly no second thought about it. Sharing that deeply personal part of themself with people they barely know in such a casual way. It seems many people do it regularly without ever really reflecting on it.
Sex is something deeply personal and special, it’s the farthest you can physically and intimately go with another person on a psychological and physiological level. I don’t think casually sharing that part of yourself is healthy or good for anyone, to be frank. My inhibition has always stopped me before I went that far.
How do people who have sex outside of marriage justify something of such magnitude in such a frivolous way without realising these significant aspects to it?
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It’s not so significant or deeply personal to everyone. Sometimes, people are simply horny. They know what the dynamic is, and they feel comfortable enjoying carnal pleasure without commitment or attached romance.
Not everyone views sex the same way you do. To some people it’s just a fun thing to do.
Your view of sex is not the same as everyone else’s. I can envision a world where sex is the same as eating together.
If you think about it, is it really that objectively different from eating with someone? Eating is very intimate in the bodily sense and a source of physical pleasure.
Sex doesn’t mean the same thing to me as you.
With someone I love, it’s just as special and meaningful and important.
But I also find magic in meeting a beautiful stranger, enjoying letting desire take over and having a really fun time, and then saying goodbye knowing that it was just a nice moment. If you think that’s not ‘good for anyone,’ I don’t know what to tell you.
ETA: I think that waiting for marriage is not good for anyone. Sexual incompatibility is the root of unhappiness in many marriages.
People dont view it the same as you do.
Person A “I just want to have a bunch of orgasms and body contact for a couple of hours”
Person B “I can help with that”
Sex, like anything else, can have a range of seriousness attached. I play D & D like some jokey fun activity but I have friends who take it extremely serious and will be offended if you don’t seem like your in character.
The only issue with a lax attitude towards sex is it can have serious repercussions so we need to educate better on safe sex from contraceptives to getting tested before engaging with a partner
Or it’s a fun way to pass the time!
Chemistry doesn’t have to be permanent.
Man some people just be horny
You hold beliefs about sex and marriage. Not everyone shares those beliefs. People are all different and unique from each other. You may not understand them and they may not understand you, accepting that is part of life and growing up.
To me, emotional intimacy is waaay more intimate. If I’m emotionally intimate with someone they now have ammo to use against me.
This is one of the reasons why lesbian culture has been so hard to adjust to for me. It feels so unsafe to be emotionally intimate with someone quickly. Idk how you do it on a first date! Also, the more someone knows about me the more flaws they have to compare me to others out there and ghost me for someone better
Plus sex actually feels good, whereas crying in front of your friend or date is just embarrassing 😆
Because it’s fun and for many people not that big of a deal
Because it’s just a way of knowing yourself and the others. In a respectful and enjoyable way
we are all animals with an urge to mate, the marriage portion is just a religious belief but the body wants sex just have it
You and I are on the same page.
For many it’s simply entertainment, and not regarded as something to be done only in serious relationships. Casual flings are quite common in college era. Even my friends in mid and late 20s engage in it casually, because it’s no different than holding hands to some people.
This is one of the reasons it’s crucial to be with someone that views intimacy the same way.
There’s a whole lot of people who would agree with you but I find the idea to be a bit puritanical, but it’s still a functional mechanical thing rather than a spiritual act.
Because sex feels good and is fun and some people don’t have hangups about doing something that feels good and is fun with another consenting adult.
For a lot of people it is just about figuring stuff out. It is just part of being alive.
Maybe it is more living in the moment than stressing over what it means long term. It does not have to be deep every time. For me it is just not that serious. It does not mean idc, it is just more like, “let me enjoy this for what it is” without attaching a bunch of emotional thoughts to it.
Everyone’s allowed to feel how they feel about it! You have got your own boundaries and that’s 100% valid. But for some people, it’s about exploring and being free, without feeling like they’re losing something they can’t get back. Because it is not!
It can be personal or intimate for me, but it isn’t necessarily. Quickie with someone I sorta like is certainly different from really passionate sex with someone I’m in love with.
People, animals, plants, everyone has been having sex for many, many years. It’s not really that special of a thing. I used to be like you, OP, and think that sex was some magical deeply connecting thing, but it’s really not.
Nothing quite like being contractually bound financially to someone before you find out that you are sexually incompatible. That sounds really healthy. /s
Alcohol
I don’t consider it that deep or intimate. it can be if I choose to invest emotionally but if not, it’s just an appetite
I find tell g you my deep dark fear more íntimamente that getting in your deep dark hole.
Life as we know it is experienced differently by everyone.
You may be standing in a room with one other person and witness something happen, and each of you have a different experience with different details.
You’ll need to find someone that was brought up on Disney fairytales and a religious background to match your views on intimacy.
It comes pretty natural when you’re with someone you’re very comfortable with.
If I blow a load all over your tits it doesn’t mean I love you but if held you while we listened to “horse Comanche” by Chad wick Stokes I probably do.
I’m not saying that the statement I make is true, but it’s just my thought on this subject, back in time, in my opinion, sex was there to continue are species it wasn’t personal then at some point there were issues health wise and such and religion took it upon themselves to control this and then made it the way we orre or at least how some see it today. If religion hadn’t came along I think we still would be living in the society to just have sex to keep are species from dieing out.
Sex can be deeply personal and intimate, it can also be fun an casual. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. It can be both things with different people.
Look at other mammals, most don’t mate for life. It is a biological urge driven my hormones for most mammals and humans aren’t really much different. It can be fun and casual with some people, then deeply intimate and personal with a person we love.
It’s not black and white.
Considering how many girls and women experience being molested, assaulted, date raped and full on rape in their lives, it can lose it’s charm and just be another thing that people do. If it has so much meaning then I would have to feel much worse about things that were done to me. If I give it less significance, than I can not be caught up on things that happened in the past, because it’s ‘just sex’.
Because marriage is a social construct and sex is a biological act of reproduction.
It’s just sex – there’s really nothing special or unique or inherently wonderful about the act itself, what makes sex special is the person you’re sleeping with – and if that person isn’t special to you, neither is the sex.
At the end of the day, it’s just pleasure, if you don’t want to enjoy it with anyone other than the person you marry, that’s a perfectly valid worldview and you’re welcome to do so, but plenty of people have no desire to make it more than just the act itself.
I would go as far as to argue the “sacredness” that some people place on sex is problematic and counter-productive to good relationships.
Sex obviously doesn’t mean the same to everyone. Some people need connection, some people do not. It’s really as simple as that.
Sex and love are often mistaken as one and the same, but they are fundamentally different experiences. While they can coexist—intensely and beautifully—they are not dependent on each other. Love is a deep emotional connection, a bond rooted in trust, vulnerability, and shared growth. Sex, on the other hand, is a physical act that can range from sacred to casual, meaningful to purely instinctual. The two can overlap, but they don’t have to.
Like others have said the interpretation of sex is different in everyone. You may be sharing your body but for many people that’s simply easier than saying what you are really thinking. Your mind may be the most intimate thing one could share for example and the body an easy to share alternative.
It’s important to remember everyone is different and the same applies to people in every aspect. For many people sex is purely for physical pleasure, being in a relationship elevates sex to become also an emotional pleasure (Perhaps an extreme emotional pleasure). But just because it can be an emotional pleasure does not mean it always is thus opening the opportunity for casual sex.
Sex also has many versions, it’s not always the experience you are picturing.
Sex is a part of life and nature.
Also you can be intimate with strangers
Penis go in hole feels good for penis and hole. People like to feel good.
Your view on sex is about as extreme as it gets. Sex is a biological function, for 99% of the worlds sex having population (not just humans) it’s a intimate as pooping or breathing. For most people sex has some significance outside of its biological function but the need to ‘save yourself’ for marriage is a religious construct that most people simply don’t agree with. It makes sense that to people with your extreme view see it as ‘casual’ but for most is its just normal.
Sex is most certainly NOT the most profound psychological experience you can have with another person.
And sex is fun! So, lots of people engage in sex for pleasure. It doesn’t need to be such a big deal. Like a sport between 2 (or more) adults.
“most intimate personal thing you can share with another person in life”
Ye alright mate!
Sex fucking and making love is all different for everyone.
Don’t make it such a huge thing, it’s just sex, something we are biologically programmed to do. Yes it can be hard to separate the emotional element of it but that’s why it’s helps to die inside before you become sexually active.
I’ve had sex with 50+ partners. To me, sex is just two animals getting off. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t care if someone wants to wait until marriage, but that doesn’t give them moral superiority.
This isn’t a question, it’s preaching. All of your posts are religious proselytizing disguised as genuine questions. Go back to your hateful little fundamentalist corner of reddit and stop bothering the rest of us.
Some people don’t see it as this huge significant thing like you do and who is to say if there is a right or wrong way to view it? For some, there are different types of sex. Sex with your partner is that deep significant love and attachment thing, and sex with a friend or a random is just something you do for fun like playing a video game.
Sex is just Sex it’s a natural as breathing eating and shitting sadly centuries of Abrahamic Religion have warped our cultures in feeling ashamed or upright about it
As long as you play safe and respect and share in the pleasure with a partner then it should be a wonderful thing
Have fun Lads & Lasses and all those who identify otherwise 👍🏻……Not the Asexuals I don’t believe that’s an actual thing Lol
I felt this way until I got into my thirties and my sex drive went through. the. ROOF. I mean really, this is intense
I was a virgin for a longer time than I cared to have been, but I never saw sex as something to be saved for one person. Good on you for thinking that way, but not everyone does.
In my opinion I’m glad that we all see the world differently, or else it would be a boring place where 8 billion people have the same standards.
Some people just need the physical touch and release, full stop.
> How do people who have sex outside of marriage justify something of such magnitude in such a frivolous way without realising these significant aspects to it?
We all are very different. Some afraid of heights, some love climbing, some hate cats some love, some love and can casual sex and some don’t.
In other words the answer lies in you. You have reasons not to understand those who can casual sex. The next question would be: it the reason unnatural to your personality (because of upbringing, trauma, tabu, etc) or it’s just who you are. Having answer to that will help to understand next steps.
Sex and love are two completely different things, unless you’re a virgin (roasted)
“Romantic love” is a fairly novel idea according to the history books.
Nowadays “love” has been so commercialized and “instagramified” that it has lost its true original essence
For me, the most intimate things are inside and it takes a lot to share those. Sex isnt inside, its a physical and pleasurable act. The inside and the outside, for me, aren’t as intrinsically connected as they seem to be for you.
I fairly heavily dislike how you state your preferences as facts, you’re free to live however you want, but in order to do that you have to be good with others doing the same too without passing judgement based upon your views of the world…
People like to have experiences and learn things for themselves, instead of adhering to beliefs they don’t share. Also, attitides towards sex can shift as you age. To me there’s a beauty in having had fun sexual experiences when I was younger. I feel better for them. Now that I’m older maybe my process of choosing a partner or my wanting to have casual hook ups have changed or diminished. It’s all good. Everyone is free to have sex or not, as they please, but be careful with over romanticized views of sex. You might be setting yourself up for pain further down the line, if your partner or future partner does not share the same views. Be aware others might not agree with your views and find them naive. Yes, sex can be an amazing way to connect and nurture intimacy with someone you love. But also, you have one body in this life. It belongs to you and is capable of bringing you amazing fun and pleasurable experiences. Don’t shy away from that.
Did you grow up in a cult?
Sex is little more than funny gymnastics.
What your are talking about is fear, not sex.
You don’t have because you fear that it will change the way people are you, the way you see yourself, the way your peers think about you because of the cultural and social background, etc..
The fact it’s that sex is just sex. But you make so much more complicated because you bind it with so much stuff that’s not related at all..
For the longest time they used to tell boys that masturbation leads to blindness. You know how many perverts that created as a result of the sexual repression?
Why do you think the church has been one of the most powerful spreaders of child rape all over the world?
You do whatever you want with your life but don’t judge others just because don’t give a shit about all the mental trash you worship.
The devil didn’t create the atomic bomb or the concentration camps that killed millions. They were created by people that were very self righteous and probably never got enough sex in their lives.