TL;DR: How do I ask my best friend I want a long hug from him?
I have one best friend whom I have known for 7 years. I trust him with my life and the life of people I love. However, my life was never steady or peaceful by any means. Constantly I would find myself in stressful situations but I can manage through them most of the times. But sometimes it’s overwhelming and it would be really helpful if anyone was there to hug me. I don’t want to tell my mother because I will worry her. I love her the most in my life. She already suffers from Bipolar, no need to add more on her plate.
I’m not the kind of person who vents my problems to other people, I hate feeling vulnerable and weak. Not to say that venting is weak, it just makes me feel like that somehow. I’m trying to work on it with my therapist.
My best friend came to visit me and hangout with me during his internship in my city. He spent some days sleepingover at my place. I want to ask him for a hug so bad. But I’m afraid he will find it weird. I’m gay, if that’s something. I already told him and he seemed okay with it. Told me I will still be his best friend. I’m really relieved to hear that, to not lie to someone over and over again. I asked him for a hug once in highschool, because I was breaking down. It felt really comforting for me, but I think it was a bit uncomfortable for him.
I need a genuine hug, not the kind of two second long hug with two pats on the back. I do not love him romantically. I have people asked me this so much to the point I question myself already. But no, I see him as the most tolerable idiot in this world. Not a lover.
How do I go about asking it? I don’t want to make him feel like it’s way too intimate or gay. The threshold of allowed intimate gestures between friends of he and I are different, and I would not want to cross that boundary. Some of you will likely tell me to just ask him, but I just don’t want to sound stupid or ask something so silly cause I’m just not man enough to take problems on my own even though throughout my life I have always been doing that. Thank you in advance.
Comments
Requesting acts of intimacy is a major breach of boundaries. There’s no way to argue around it. He might do it, but this ask is going to set of all sorts of questions in his head.
Honestly I would advise against it.
I mean… you said yourself that you’ve already asked him for hugs before and that you thought it made him ‘a bit uncomfortable.’ And you say you’re already worried ‘he will find it weird.’
Add to that… him knowing you’re gay… there’s no way he’s not gonna to be wondering if something else is up lol.
You say you’re not into him romantically, but I feel like you are. And if you’re not, I guarantee you will be as soon as you get that hug lol. I feel like you’ve convinced yourself that this hug is needed for every other reason than what it really is.
I’m not saying that hugs can’t happen… but it needs to be genuine and happen naturally. Usually not something you ask for. Especially when you’re already worried about making the other person uncomfortable lol.
I’d just move on from this idea and maybe reflect on what you’re true intentions are here.