How do you avoid being f*ckzoned by guys?

r/

This is a question I tried to ask men about it, but most of it didn’t sound very useful advice. Basically, the most useful ones that seemed to be given in good faith were:

  • Enforce boundaries when guys disrespect you;
  • Be direct about your intentions (or lack of).

Still, these didn’t seem to be very effective since these need the guy to be upfront (or subtle) about his intentions, but from what I heard, it’s bizarrely common for men to pretend to be just friends with women for weeks… Months… Even literal years or decades about their true intentions.

So, I decided to ask this to the people who actuallt go through that instead, considering many of the responses I got could be summarized with “the women led men on” or “that’s a completely normal interaction between men and women”. Neither of them are true or have to be true, of course.

Anyway, if you were giving advice to another woman who was going through this issue with men assuming she was available and screwing up their friendship because of that… What would you say?

Comments

  1. avocado-nightmare Avatar

    I don’t really know what fuck zoning is but boundaries are about what you will do in response to someone else’s behavior, not about controlling how they behave.

    I think it’s easier to just assume that if someone treats you like a friend, they are, and not worry about whether they have ulterior motives. If they choose to speak up about feelings or try to act on feelings that aren’t friendly in nature, you can decide at that time how you will behave.

    You can’t control other people’s thoughts or feelings and I think it’s fine to take their behavior at face value until they give you reason to do otherwise.

    It’s disappointing but not… avoidable or controllable. Some people don’t intend to develop non-platonic feelings. Some people intend to pretend they don’t have nonplatonic feelings. Some people are sexually or romantically opportunistic in all their relationships – it all boils down to having very little to do with you.

  2. Aggressive_Jury_4109 Avatar

    You choose people of character to be friends with. This dude might not be telling you he wants to fuck you, but people tell you who they are through how they treat/ talk about those around themselves.

  3. JessonBI89 Avatar

    If I could put a finger on a reason why I’ve been able to do this for years, it’s because I tend to avoid discussing anything deeply personal with them. Otherwise they might confuse emotional intimacy with a different type of intimacy.

  4. Ok-Revolution2026 Avatar

    Interesting, I had heard f zone is when a guy just sees a women only as someone to sleep with but has no interest in a longer term  relationship. The male equivalent to the  friendzone.

  5. Uhhyt231 Avatar

    Is fuckzoned just men tryna fuck you that you wanna be friends with?

    You cant change anything about yourself just move on when people show how they move.

  6. marymoon77 Avatar

    Not have sex with men I don’t want to have sex with. Not have sex thinking that it = exclusivity or a relationship unless that has expressly been discussed.

  7. AlternativeSetting36 Avatar

    I was “friends” with a man for 3 years and he seemed really great. We had similar beliefs, similar humor, etc everything seemed regular. I never gave him any hint that I was interested in him. He also knew what I would do if I’m ever interested in a new man because I told him about other men and how I approached them so he knew I was very forward if I was interested. Which I never was with him. One day I agreed to come see him because we were in different cities and he did a complete 180. In the hotel he tried to force a situation where he could have sex with me and nothing happened. The next morning I was in the shower and he got a key from the front desk and busted in my room and STAYED in there. I didn’t give permission for that. When I got back home I cut him off. That’s when he started to talk about me real nasty on the internet. He pretended to be something he wasn’t for 3 years. This is why I believe if you didn’t meet them pre college the “friendship” probably isn’t genuine on his end. I won’t say it’s impossible to find but most men really are incapable of just being friends with women. Which is why I don’t bother now because you can’t avoid someone putting up a front with you. It can also be very obvious they don’t have a shot with you but will play a weird game like they’re an exception to that. So I really avoid it altogether.

  8. Needanewjob34 Avatar

    Read the signs if they are giving mixed signals they aren’t interested

  9. Indigo9988 Avatar

    I had this a lot when I was in university, all the way up till my early 30’s. Most of the men I was friends with were attracted to me at some point.

    The short answer is, you don’t avoid it. People feel how they feel about you. Even with the best of intentions, and years of friendship, some guys do just assume you will eventually be up for dating them. It’s sad, and I have lost a very close friend that way.

  10. Any-Boysenberry-9040 Avatar

    You avoid the fuck zone by not fucking them.

  11. No-Turn2400 Avatar

    My best advice is to stop spending so much time and energy on friendships with men. With some very rare exceptions, men are simply not as good at being a friend. And like you said, they will stick around for literal decades just for the tiny chance of potential sex with you. Decenter them from your life.

  12. Fun_Orange_3232 Avatar

    lol I fuck zone them right back. like you’re not a good friend if you only want me for sex. totally fine. then that’s what you’re getting used for, so you better be damn sure you’re good at it.

  13. DrGoblinator Avatar

    I become the fuckzoner, next question.

  14. mysaddestaccount Avatar

    Don’t have sex with them. Don’t give them what they want

  15. arf567 Avatar

    I don’t think sexual attraction and friendship have to be 100% mutually exclusive. I think what defines friendship is being there for each other and respecting each other’s boundaries. When a friend of mine asked if I wanted to have sex with him, and reacted in a respectful way when I said no, I didn’t end the friendship. 10 years later we’re still very good friends, and the attraction is long gone, because crushes come and go. He wasn’t “pretending” to be my friend. We were friends, he developped some kind of sexual interest, then had to get over it because I wasn’t interested. He never stopped being my friend just because he wished for something else at one point. We don’t have to interpret sexual desire as objectification, it’s not that binary.

    One of my BFFs only approached me because she had a crush on me. I didn’t reciprocate her crush, but we slowly became close friends and I’m very happy that we were both open to getting to know each other better, although we weren’t on the same page at first, because she’s truly an amazing woman and an even more amazing friend.

    On the other hand, when another (former) friend asked for sex, then got all pissy about me saying no, I kindly showed him the door, then blocked his number and never saw him again.

    You can’t control how other people view you. You can only decide if you’re OK being friends with someone or not, depending on how they treat you.

  16. queendetective Avatar

    I avoid eye contact, become less friendly, don’t smile, focus on what I’m doing. Seems to have helped.

  17. venenatenebrarum Avatar

    very interesting topic. would it be too rude to clarify upfront that you like their personality but you don’t consider them pretty/attractive? just a casual comment in the middle of a random chat. maybe if they think they’re ugly to you, they’d stop pretending to be that nice and reliable friend and everyone would save time.