My life has been pretty peaceful since I started keeping to myself, but I’m feeling the itch to be more social again. I miss meeting new people, experiencing new things, and gaining fresh perspectives – but I’m also nervous about the potential chaos that can come with it.
How do you maintain a fun, engaging social life while avoiding unnecessary drama?
(From an anxious, autistic and ADHD 24-year-old woman)
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It’s going to be a matter of getting to know people, enough to avoid the dramatic people.
Cultivate friendships with people that don’t create a lot of drama. Spend less time with/around the ones that do.
If you always have your own way home, there’s a lot of drama that can be avoided simply bc you aren’t stuck there to get roped into it.
Everyone is going to have bad days, and have reactions to things that happen. But some people will consistently have things going on, either bc they are creating those situations, or they are making everything about them.
Meet people in places people want to be met! Bars, coffee shops, community centres, etc. and just start talking. It might be daunting at first, but you have to tell yourself that you’re mostly nervous because you haven’t done this in a long time.
Some small tips to build healthy friendships and weed out potential drama:
1) If they are constantly complaining/gossiping about someone, ditch em. They will gossip about you and drain the life out of you.
2) Avoid trauma dumping and dumpers in the beginning of the friendship.
3) Build healthy boundaries i.e. ditch friendships where the person tries to pressure you into things you are not comfortable doing.
4) Trust your gut feelings about people. If they seem off, they are off. Don’t force yourself to keep connecting.
5) Become friends with your friends’ friends! Mutuals are always the better place to start meeting new people, plus helps with the vibe check– I know my good friends have friends who are good 🙂
How to ditch people very early in friendship:
1) Stop responding quickly, reply as late as you can.
2) Turn down invitations to hang out politely.
Most people get the hint by then. If something they did specifically bothered you then you can discuss that with them if you want and then ditch em.
For me, who loves socialising and meeting new people yet keeping my peace, one thing that has worked for me is to remember not to waste my energy with people who are not worth it. It’s easier to ditch early in the relationship rather than trying to fix someone and their faults constantly. Prioritise your time with the right people and peace will shadow you everywhere 🙂