How do you build up the courage to split up with your love one?
I married young and we’ve been together for 5 years, married for 3.
The relationship had its good moments, but through most of it we had a bad push pull dynamic and I don’t think it’s healthy to continue anymore. He says he will change and become a better man, but I don’t think it’s fair to him because I’m asking him to completely change who he is. I tried so much in the relationship but I never got back the love I put in. I think that I’ll only have resentment for his past actions towards me and I’m just scared and exhausted to think about continuing the relationship.
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You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. If he changed you would be happy but he wouldn’t, plus he would resent you for changing him. Best to recognize that, accept it, and move on. You will both be happier in the long term.
The courage come from knowing you’re doing the right thing. Ask yourself if you stay, would you be happy about that decision in 5 years. Be brave!
There is a book called “too good to leave, to bad to stay” there are good inside from that book. But one thing may be helpful it’s creating some space to reflect.
This could be a 30 days no contact. Which will allow to see things in perspective but also it will ease the separation process
Do you have a good image of what your next steps and life will be like? It’s easier when you have those things cleared and decided. There will be less fear of the future without them and thus more courage to leave.
Build up your support network outside of the relationship. Friends, family, activities, any of that will make it easier to leave.
You just do it. I think you are being quite smart and practical. The odds of someone completely changing who they are and staying that way aren’t great. You have expressed yourself very well here and the only thing you need to do now is form it as a statement rather than an opportunity to debate. I’m appreciative of the time we have had and the lessons and the love. I’m going to file for divorce because I don’t want to ask you to change and I’m not willing to see if it happens and is sustainable. I am walking away with gratitude and love and I wish you the best. Repeat as necessary.