Hi. I’m 15F, and I’ve been dating another girl (also 15F) for a few months now. Lately, I’ve been realizing that I don’t think I want to be in the relationship anymore but I feel incredibly guilty for even thinking that.
She’s kind and loving, but the relationship is emotionally exhausting. I feel like I can’t be honest without triggering guilt trips or spirals. Anytime I express that I need space or set a boundary, it turns into a cycle of her apologizing excessively or acting like she’s a burden. I’ve also been distant because I’m genuinely burnt out trying to manage both of our emotions.
One moment that really stuck with me was when she tried to break up with me, saying I “deserve better.” I convinced her to stay at the time, but honestly, ever since then, things haven’t felt the same. I’ve also realized that I don’t like how much she depends on me emotionally, and it feels like she puts me on a pedestal. I don’t want to be someone’s savior. I want to be their equal.
The problem is, I know she’ll spiral if I leave. I know she’ll take it personally and probably see it as proof that she’s unlovable. I don’t hate her. I don’t want to hurt her. But I’m tired of feeling like the only emotionally stable one in the relationship.
So I guess my question is:
How do I leave a relationship like this without making everything worse? Or should I even leave at all?
I’ve been stuck in this place for a while, and I’m scared that no matter what I do, I’ll be the villain. Any advice would really help.
Comments
You’re not a villain for wanting out of a relationship that’s draining you. It’s okay to leave, even if she takes it hard — her emotions aren’t your responsibility. Be kind, be honest, and set clear boundaries. You deserve a relationship that feels equal, not one where you’re always the emotional anchor.
If you stay in this relationship, it’ll make it worse for both. She can’t develop properly, and you’re not her caretaker or therapist. It’s emotionally too hard, you’re your own person with needs, and you deserve reciprocation.
Since you’re so young, I would ask her parents to help you out if that’s a possibility. You don’t deserve any negative fallout from separation, and her mental well-being is not your responsibility.
From the perspective of someone with more life experience:
Your first few relationships when you are young often feel overwhelming and stressful for several reasons. Some people need to learn how to be a partner. Some people need to learn how to handle a partner. Some people, especially at 15, have too much growth to do on their own to be in a stable relationship.
Trying to work through something that you want to keep because it gives you joy is honorable. But some things aren’t meant to last. Everyone needs to learn where that cut-off point is.
You are only 15. This probably feels like the most important thing you’ve ever had. And like the world will fall apart if you guys ended it. Truth is it won’t. The world will keep spinning, you two will learn and find others. And chances are high you’ll go through this several times to find someone who makes you stay. And you will look back at all the ones before and know how they weren’t the right thing.
Be kind. Be a good partner. Be good to yourself. And sometimes one of those might mean to cut another person off, at least romantically.
You are both kids. You don’t need this drama. End it now if it’s making you unhappy.
Relationships should not be this hard, especially at 15. In her defense, she’s also 15 and this is a time when you’re figuring it all out. If you don’t have good role models, it makes it a lot harder. It’s ok to break up and it’s ok to be kind, but honest about why. But when you do it, you need to really do it, don’t be wishy washy or “maybe”. It’s not your responsibility to manage her emotions.
Teenagers are funny.