How do you cope with emotionally distant partners?

This is going to be a bit long. I am 25M I have a partner 26F. When we were younger, she used to be sweet and loving. At this age, it’s as if she doesn’t even care. (We are not married yet but I consider her as my wife when she doesn’t consider me as her husband)

I work for a bank while she is a preschool teacher.

Each day I get her to work with my scooter. Also fetch her if I have time or enough sleep.

She is the type of woman who pays someone to do something for her. She almost never does things in the house but when she does, she rants about it until the end times. I do most of the house chores, cooking and we also have a unified money handling system. Since she does the budget I give her all my salary and let her do the splitting.

She is always busy every time, because she also built her own mini play school for children. It’s not always busy because it’s not like an everyday thing she does it is a sideline. She gains decent money from it. She has 2 employees only and rents a place for it.

To get a little history of how we started, we knew each other from tinder. I was 17 that time while she was 18.
My dad was so strict that he only allows me to see her once a month because I failed school in the past. And so whenever we got to see each other we always had unprotected sex up until I got her pregnant and I panicked because I knew that I’d be getting some whooping due to this fuck up. I wasn’t able to own the pregnancy and I left.
(I regretted every moment of this. I always hoped I just owned it up)

2 years past, I had like 2 unserious relationships to male me forget about her. It didn’t work. I got tired of my father being strict and unappreciative ( which he did just to toughen me up ). So I decided to man up and told him that I will be living in my own. In reality I was living with my cousin for a couple of months. I then decided to fix what I have broken and my partner then agreed but warned me that we won’t be the same as we were before. And I totally respected that since it was my fault in the first place.

I finally got to meet my daughter. Huge adjustments was made since I was living an immature life back then I did have to man up. And so through the years I did. My partner, was also mature at that point (sometimes).

She was a teacher already and I was still a freshman in college and living together alone was difficult. I had to drop out and worked at a fast food restaurant to help out. I didn’t want her to be stressed out so I decided to work.

All went well expenses were lessened. As time passed by, the money both of us were earning was never enough due to inflation. ( I live in a ₱ country)

I decided to level up my job since I was fluent with the English language I decided to work for a Customer Service job which had a better pay compared to a fastfood crew. Everything went well again up until it didn’t.

I got her pregnant again. And this time I was with her. I am not the perfect partner/husband but i did try my best to become one. It didn’t work out so well since the baby died in her womb on its 8th month. It was supposed to be a boy named Sebastian. But he didn’t survive. My wife almost died but thankfully she survived. After this traumatic event, her postpartum kept on hitting as she was trying to recover. I did not let that stop me from trying ro be a good father and partner. There were times I was so stressed I just burst out on them. And I hate myself for that.

Anyway, going back to the present. As mentioned, she wasn’t very communicative. (As if I am just there to keep the expenses rolling down. I just recently got hired by this Bank and the pay was better rather than just being a normal csr. But with the expenses increasing I just really had a hard time trying to maintain it. But I guess I will manage in a few months. ) she always was so distant. Every time I try to be in her presence she pushes me off. Even when it’s just me asking her to eat since I prepared dinner. She always smiles when talking to her friends. And she always jokes about the male actors that she likes hoping that they would be hers.

Whenever she talks to me it feels like I am not important. She does smile. But it doesn’t feel genuine.

Before these incidents, I got diagnosed with chronic depression. Something I never thought I would acquire.
I just shrugged it off. But sometimes it cant. It shows.
Especially these times.

Her presence is what I need but whenever I need her warmth she just closes the door.

I want to be numb. A go with the flow type of guy. But its difficult. I still seek for her attention and validation. I always ask if she was happy with what I prepared or whatever it was that I did for her and every time she answered its fine it broke me. She never acknowledged me.

And today, I was so exhausted because I have a lot of errands and chores. I was awake for 24 hours. Just to prepare them food. Do the chores and other more errands.

I just broke the silence again. I never heard a single apology or appreciation. That’s all I asked. I bursted all my emotions. I cried I was enraged. I was asking her why but she kept silent and had nothing to say.

I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. My cdd is telling me the end it all. But I can’t just do it. If I had a hollow point I would improvise. At 25, i just regret everything. I know there are people who is having worse and so I do try not to be dramatic.

Because thats what being a man is all about right? Even if love is conditional you either get that or you get nothing at all. But one of these days, I am still looking forward to ending it.