This seems to be a continual issue for me in various workplaces with various men. I try to mind my own business, not be overly friendly with men, even a bit cold, but it still occasionally comes up and I need to figure out what I’m doing or what I can do to prevent it.
Currently have one coworker who is overly touchy and has made a few creepy jokes, followed me out to my car, and today he hugged me goodbye and I didn’t know what to do so I gave him a half hug back. But why are we hugging goodbye when I don’t even consider you a friend and will see you on Monday? He does not seem to do this to other coworkers.
Before him a coworker went out of his way to bring me gifts and show me porn at work, lift his shirt to show me his chest, etc. I did report him because he also made openly racist jokes.
I have many other stories of other men. Please share how you cope with these scenarios and prevent them from happening in the first place.
Comments
Tell them to stop, not to touch you, that the jokes are inappropriate, etc. If someone is doing or saying things that make you feel uncomfortable or are not work appropriate then you should tell your boss or HR what’s going on.
Once I stopped my boss in the middle of the office and asked, just loud enough for others to hear, “Can you please tell [harasser’s name] to stop asking about my boyfriend’s penis?” It was resolved fairly quickly after that. Harassers like to think you’ll be too shy or scared to make a scene. Make them regret it.
It’s hard to prevent, because you can’t control their behaviour. Other than being cordial but not too friendly, always looking busy and keeping convos short, you’ll have to rely on boundaries. Like the hugging, so you did it once cause it was an awkward moment, but if he tries it again you just say that you would prefer not to hug goodbye as you don’t feel comfortable with that. Anything that is inappropriate you go to you mgr and HR.
I find that the guys that are problematic are always either staring/watching from afar for awhile at first, or somehow always find a way to be physically close to me (always in the lunch room when I’m there etc.) consistently before things start to get weird. So I can usually see the beginning of potential creepers, and those are the people I act distant with, little eye contact, no smiles, little conversation etc. The ones that seem normal but become creepy later really suck and with those I do the same, just become distant and if they get weird I go to HR, they usually get confused especially if we had good rapport before they got creepy so it feels like a 180 to them, which it is, but theyll just have to get over it.
Went to HR because a coworker kept taking pictures of me at work. They found a lot on his phone and made him delete them. It kept happening so the switched him stores to a town over where got a raise. Typical.
Second other time st a different job my manager tried to kiss me (I had a bf, now husband at the time). I went straight to HR and they told me he said “I wanted it”. So he didn’t get written up or fired, just told to “leave me alone”. Which was srupid because my job was directly in front of the hallway where Hr/the managers all went everyday so I saw him everyday for 6 months straight until I quit
This is not appropriate. Please leave. Is what I’d say.
I worked with as an accountant with trade workers and they were constantly making borderline comments to test my reaction. I kept it light, but always said something along the lines of “and that’s sexual harassment” with a smartass smile and making eye contact. Call it out even if it’s borderline. If they continued, it was a “nope. I’m not engaging with this. Are you leaving or am I?” I worked in an office building alone so it was a fragile situation being alone with men much bigger than me, sometimes with 3-5 of them.