For reference we both play. She’s cut down a lot more lately. We use to spend lots of time on it but have started a gym journey. One of the main issues is she’s set a boundary that whenever she’s upset, I shouldn’t game…I can watch tv, be on my phone, go for a walk but the idea of me gaming is a no go. Been quite difficult to deal with considering we both work full time so weekends are our times to unwind and relax. I enjoy gaming and introduced her to this. When I tell her this, she dismisses it as “it’s not that serious, go to the gym” or “win in real life instead of on the game”. I stopped going out with the guys on the weekends for drinks when we aren’t good which seemed reasonable ask but now I’m just stuck at home with nothing to do or atleast not able to do what I want which is gaming. 😅 Apparently my chipper-ness on the game while she is hurt drives her mental. But sometimes I feel like it’s both of us who are wrong in our own ways.
How do you deal with a partner who gets upset at you gaming?
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Don’t date people who aren’t offended by your enjoyment.
Edit: I’m going to leave this up even though you added the flair
Tell them to shut the fuck up
Stop letting this girl control you bro. By her not letting you go out “when you’re not good” do you mean you let her punish you when you guys are having a disagreement?
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What does she do in her free time? Watch trash tv? Spend all day on Tik Tok? I’d argue those are worse than video games. I say as long as your responsibilities are being taken care, relax and unwind
This is a really tough one. I go back and forth. I 100% understand women from an evolutional standpoint being like wtf is this “man” doing mashing buttons on an imaginary kids toy all day. But also it’s your life. At the end of the day you have to choose sometimes in life what you want more. Try to negotiate times when you can game. I don’t really have an answer for you. If you aren’t independently wealthy like a LeBron James, most women are going to be like why are you wasting time on a toy. This is how they are wired (for the most part). And if we are being totally honest, the game is simply hijacking our sensory reward center as if we were out fishing or setting traps for food. So the only answer is to keep that perspective and try and negotiate reasonable sets of time to game
If anyone has any pointers on how to negotiate 3-6 hr game time with a significant other who doesn’t game, I’m all ears. Best I’ve ever negotiated is 1-2 hr at time.
“Sounds like a personal problem” then continue to game
Introduce her to a game like Stardew Valley or Animal Crossing. I’m sure she’ll find it therapeutic?
If she’s brave enough you can introduce her to Factorio if she wants a mental workout 🤣
Boredom is a big part of the fuel that causes you to get things done. If you spend that fuel on gaming, there are other things you lose. Based on that, there is an understandable reason so many women don’t like to see their men very engaged in gaming.
Either you change, or find someone who’s fine with it.
If she gets mad at you for gaming, just following her around and annoy the shit out of her because you’re bored. See what she says then. I was in a toxic relationship like that where I couldn’t go out with friends or game without her consent. It made me sad, angry, depressed, and resentful. If she can’t understand your hobby then you’ll need to reach a compromise.
Lol. This is a short life we live, I’m a gamer. I also work 45 hours a week and keep allllll my bills paid. I will never listen to someone trying to tell me how to spend my time/enjoyment.
Just stop gaming?
She has not set a boundary, she’s using therapy speak to justify controlling behavior.
A boundary is something she will not do or tolerate (e.g I will not talk while you’re shouting). Controlling is “you are not allowed too when I don’t want you too”.
She will also move the goal posts once you comply with this bullshit.
You can’t game, but you can watch tv, phone etc? It’s blatantly obvious that is about control and you must not be happy if she’s not. It’s not about being productive at all.
She sounds like a fun sponge.
If I’m miserable you have to be miserable too.
What does that mean? Win in life instead of the game? Gaming isn’t about winning it’s about relaxing on your days off bc you helped keep the power on, water running, and food in the fridge. That’s what winning looks like.
You need to ask her what she expects in life, my friend. Do you have upward mobility within your job? Are you trying to get another one?
Unless your jobless or have only been working part time I just dont understand this.
Boundaries can’t be set on other people, boundaries are set for yourself.
Be an adult, give up the gaming. Is it worth your relationships?
I don’t let my partner dictate what I can or can’t do. You’re your own person. If you want to go out, or game, you should be able to as long as you don’t neglect your partner over it.
But for her to police what you’re allowed to do while she’s upset with you for whatever reason is insane. She’s not your mom who can ground you, she’s supposed to be your partner.
This would be a very firm boundary for me.
You’re not allowed to see friends or game when she’s upset? How often is she upset? It sounds like it’s happening a lot if you’re posting about not being able to game.
From a totally “assume positive intent” perspective, I’d have a serious talk with your partner about why they are upset so often. Adults need to be able to self regulate. It’s ok to be upset when a major event happens but every day life shouldn’t be causing this. If it is, she needs to talk to her doctor and likely a therapist.
From a not “assume positive intent” perspective, she is controlling and manipulating you. I’m not sure why? Power dynamic? Can she not go for a walk or another room while you’re gaming if it upsets her? I wouldn’t be in a relationship where my partner was telling me when I could or couldn’t do something I enjoyed for an hour or so.
I’d like to cautiously add that some women do this in hopes of the guy standing up to her.
Take care of yourself, first. Do what you want, as long as you don’t hurt anyone
A relationship should add to your life, not substract from it
I dealt with the exact same thing , but that was only 1 of the many many problems
They wouldn’t be my partner for long, as gaming is a huge part of my life.
Please remember that a boundary is something you can control for yourself, like “i dont respond to shouting” or something, but “you cant play games because I’m sad” is not a boundary. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but she has some major red flags. If her lack of peace means she steals yours, there is a large issue here. She is way too controlling.
Having a sensible discussion about gaming time is one thing. Trying to give herself the right to decide, at any time, to say “I’m upset, you’re not allowed to do this hobby” is another. This is her problem, not yours.
Whether you’re brave enough to tell her that is up to you.
She sounds WAY too controlling. If she is in control of you outside work, and work controls your ~40 hours a week, when do YOU get control? At the end of the day, her emotions are her own, and punishing you because she’s upset about something, isn’t fair. She either needs to find a better coping mechanism or needs to see a therapist. This type of woman will weaponize her insecurity and always make it your fault somehow.
She’s just in her “I go to gym and need to eat,
sleep, breath, productivity. Tell her to cool her jets or find a new gf.
I’d say something along the lines of I’m happy to go on walks, runs, outside and do whatever even gym but I highly enjoy gaming and you need to stop attacking it just because you don’t find it worth while anymore “ proceeds to tell her the useless thing she does to make a point, Facebook, Tik tok etc.
Sounds like she really only played to spend time with you and probably didn’t ever really love it though.