ThrowRA (First of all, English is not my first language so please understand even if I have a bit of typo or something like that…)
Hi, I’m in a relationship with a guy since a few months ago, I’m 21 and he’s 30. He’s in the important position in his company and he’s temporarily living here as a foreigner with a working visa, I guess he told me it’ll work for 1 or 2 more years.
At the beginning of the relationship, he was busy as well but it was fine, I could find that he cared about me so much and always said sorry to me just only because he didn’t text me that often and he even had a deep conversation with me because he expected me to have a date twice or more per every week but I thought this would be too much then. Well, It’s fun that we’re in the opposite position now. He was sad at that time that I excused for not having time.
Anyway, he has become way more busier than the beginning of this relationship. He sometimes just doesn’t read my message for a few days or only texts me when he gets off work but disappears when I text him back, and he doesn’t even call me. I’m not the kind of person who’s obsessed with the texting frequency but I can’t be cool with it because he wasn’t like that just a few months ago. I mean it was totally fine even when it was this April, May, or whatever. He asked me how my day was and explained about his day or the plan, and anything we could talk about.
I really don’t want to put pressure on him but it’s hard to take the signal that I’m not his priority anymore but once I was. This is the hardest part because I know he didn’t treat me like this when it hasn’t been a while since it started. I remember how he did his best not to let me feel I’m lonely even when he’s so busy and didn’t have time to meet up. If the appointment’s broken, we could just postpone it for the next day.
And I’m still in a college, I haven’t worked in a company, so I guess it’ll be harder to get some to text while working than while studying… Well he always tell me he misses you and needs me so bad but don’t even mention about the appointment or even my feeling. He told me this job is so hectic and he can’t even have a life so he’s planning to get another job but it’s hard to get because it involves some visa issues, I don’t know about the details but he told me it’ll take some time and he’s doing his best, I’m only waiting for him and trying not to whine at him because he’s also having his hard time and I’m supposed to be matured…
But having a date nearly once a month is not common, no? I live in a city which is less than 2 hours far from his place.
This is nearly my 3rd relationship in my life and I’m not sure how to deal with this kind of situations. I’ll appreciate any quotes, guys!
If you need some details I missed to understand this situation, please let me know. I haven’t written anything this long by myself in English 🙁
TL;DR: [I’m suffering in a irregular frequency of dating]
Comments
If someone has a busy job, then I can understand them not being able to text during the day. But if I was in a relationship with them then I would absolutely expect a good amount of contact with them before and/or after work, whether it was text messages or (more likely) phone calls. If he’s leaving your messages unread for a few days, or sending single texts but then disappearing again, in all honesty it sounds like he’s lost interest in you, or even that he might be seeing someone else and keeping you on the side.
Especially as it wasn’t always like this and he was insisting on much more contact initially, I think you have to conclude that his commitment to your relationship have changed.
And regardless of the reason, it doesn’t sound like this is making you happy. So you’re well within your rights to tell him that for a relationship to work for you, you need more effort on his side, and if he’s unable to put that effort in (for whatever reason, even if it is work) then you’re not interested in continuing.