How did you get over the regret of letting someone good go because you weren’t all emotionally there? Did you ever try to reconnect?
I let someone go two months ago because I wasn’t emotionally able to give her what she wanted. I realise now that I was struggling with fearful avoidance after my last relationship and the feelings came rushing in the last two months. Messaged her to try and reconnect and got shut down.
What are your stories and how do you reflect on it now?
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It either will work or won’t. If it’s not there and ready then there’s someone more suited waiting in the future. The right partner brings out the best in you
Read Let Them by Mel Robbins, it might change your life
The unhealthy reality answer:
o Started a short term rebound – relationship.
The healthy answer, which I only accomplished once:
o Instead of ‘letting someone go’ we had an honest and frank discussion as to:
Where we both were evolving to, desired target, separately, and together.
And where we, each, currently are on this path.
3 The possibility of getting back together, if our target to be states aligned and our evolutionary paths crossed.
As indicated, the healthy path, seems less travelled.
I’m sorry that you’re struggling with fearful avoidance. I went through a break-up with someone who was also struggling with fearful avoidance. As someone who’s been on the other side of that situation, I will say that it is incredibly hurtful to be dumped for doing nothing wrong. It’s selfish to break-up with someone because of an illusory emotional fear. I get it. It’s something you can’t control, and it’s a very strong feeling. But it still hurts and the healthiest thing for them is to preserve their self-respect and move on.
I realize you’re not asking for a lecture and are really just seeking insight with some peace of mind. You’re clearly not a bad person. The fact that you’re reflecting on this and asking questions shows self-awareness and growth, and no one can fault you for that.
If you’re going to break up with someone, you need to understand that it’s also over for you too. Asking them to come back is like a bad archer asking the wounded target to put the apple back on top of their head. Your mistakes become their hurt.
I genuinely wish you clarity and happiness in your next relationship. Growth is painful, but it matters.
🤔…if you really care about someone, genuinely you should “wish” them the best…in this case, someone who’s willing to be there for them…🤷‍♂️ It’s unfair to “make” people wait for you when you already know that you’re not “ready”… Always be honest, and treat people the way you want to be treated. Respect and give them the courtesy. It’s the minimum thing to do.
Don’t chase. Replace.
Been there and done that.
Honest opinion and best advice I can give you is just to be grateful. I know that seems at odds with a lot of things you may feel or people are telling you. But you don’t have to replace or start a new relationship.
Just be grateful you got a chance. Be grateful you acknowledged your own shortcomings at the time. Be grateful that it ended well enough that you could even send a message asking. Be grateful they shut you down and didn’t lead you on.
Experience all of the lows. The next time you feel really good about someone, reflect on how those past moments made you feel. You don’t have to share them with the next one, but just do a bit of self reflection.
There is nothing wrong with experiencing the feelings we associate as negative. Even things like regret, shame, guilt, anger, depression….they are real and honest feelings to be experienced.
So be grateful that you have feelings. To feel nothing would be horrible in my opinion.
Be grateful you get the chance to find someone you may not feel this type of regret with. And I hope you do find that person.
Don’t idolize anyone. Someone was let go, let it go! Do yourself this favor and move on!
Everyone comes into your life for a reason, and you let them go for a reason, whatever it may have been. Life is far too short for regrets. Sometimes, it’s better to leave them in the past and move forward to something better in the future when you’re ready. I wish you the best of luck, man.
Going through this right now man. I remind myself that if it was meant to be it’ll be, no if’s, and’s, or but’s. Sometimes the universe will connect you with a person later in life as y’all aren’t ready for one another yet, sometimes the universe won’t connect you at all.
As much as I hate this advice – be here now. Live the life right in front of you instead of the abstracted ones you could have.
Im in the same boat as you, brother. Still not over it or her, now im self conscious about everything I did in the relationship. Thankfully im still barelly an adult, but it has led me to make some… not so fun decisions…
If you happen to be anything like me as a person, one takeaway is that if you got this far, odds are you’re not out of the game, and at least now you have a better idea of what to expect, where to improve, and what to look for.
It’s been a few years since we were together, but my greatest relationship ended in a complete dumpster fire. I was binge drinking daily, abusing substances, lying more times than I can count, and waking up each day in a haze of regret and confusion. Eventually, I called off my entire life and moved back home to figure things out. My only real regret is losing the bond I had with my girlfriend.
Despite how badly I was spiraling, she remained gentle and thoughtful. I’ve never had a connection like that since. There was a deep, unwavering trust between us. We were solid, like concrete. I remember how lucky I felt to be with her. Every time I saw her felt like the very first time.
But let’s be real: there’s no field of daisies without weeds. As much as we cared for each other, I was a mess, and she had her own issues, too. We cheated on each other. There were countless problems I couldn’t even begin to unpack here.. I sincerely wish I were joking.
We didn’t want what was best for one another. Instead, we dragged along a relationship that should’ve ended long before it did.
Now that my life is on solid ground, I reflect on that relationship often when I’m seeking new connections. It taught me a lot about what I want, and (especially) what I don’t. These days, I think in terms of “the person I love will…” instead of “my ex used to…”
I still carry a lot of regret from that time in my life. I’ve made more mistakes than I care to admit. But I’ve also learned that there’s no shame in walking away when something isn’t right. I’ll love her perpetually, but it wasn’t meant to be. I care about her deeply and genuinely want her to find peace and love with someone who can give her what I couldn’t. That’s something I’ll never regret.
Change your perspective, and your mind will follow.