To make a very long story short, I matched with a married man on an app a few years ago. Him and his wife, at the time, were just open for sex. We started talking every day, all the time, and I cut things off because I started to feel attached before we even met in real life.
Fast forward about a year and a half ago, he found me on Instagram. He claimed he missed me, and for about a year we texted on and off. At beginning of this April, we finally hung out after a long while of me being spotty. We have been having sex semi-regularly and still talk every day. The kicker is that now him and his wife are fully polyamorous – she has a partner, but he does not want a committed relationship outside of her. To give him credit where credit is due, he did ask me after hooking up with him a couple of times if I was OK with the situation. I told him I was for the moment, but couldn’t guarantee that things wouldn’t change.
To wrap things up – I am in love with this man, and regardless if he has feelings for me or not, he does not want to act on them and does not want a relationship with me. I am not delusional – I know he isn’t going to leave his wife, but I do know that if tomorrow he said he changed his mind and wanted to try dating me, I would confidently take that leap of faith. That alone is enough for me to know I have to end things, because I am keeping myself in this never-ending orbit and subconsciously expecting things from this man that he isn’t able to give.
I’m mad at him for seeking me back out after I explicitly told him I had feelings for him, I am mad at myself for giving in to a sexual relationship with him, and I’m even more so mad that I have to end something with someone I am in love with. It is very, very difficult for me to open myself up to people and I tend to shut myself off (I know, not healthy, working thru it in therapy!) but I know that I have to end things with him.
Has anyone ended things with someone they loved? I know I’m going to really get burned, but I know it is necessary. Any help or guidance is appreciated.
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It’s like a Bandaid sweetheart. Just ripe it off and feel the pain. It will eventually subside, and you can move on.
Also, when you do this, you need to go no contact with this couple.
I agree with the advice above. There’s really no way to escape the pain that will come with ending things with a partner who is no good for you. But the sooner you cut things off the better, you won’t have to feel the pain as long.
First of all, you have such a good head on your shoulders. I applaud you for staying real and honest with yourself. Half of us get delulu and start doing everything to keep someone who doesn’t want to be kept. You already know what you have to do. Will it be hard? Absolutely. Will there be days when you doubt your decision? Yes. Will he try and come back? You better be ready!
There is no changing anyone’s mind or character. He has decided he doesn’t want a committed relationship with you and you must stay strong. My advice is to just do it. Don’t let him know how hard this is for you. Fake it until you make it.