I am pretty sure that I am asexual…I have never considered kissing anyone, having sex with anyone and I’m 27 years old (female)…I’ve seen tv/movies, porn, etc. I know what happens. But I have no physical interest in ever having that physical connection with anyone.
Recently my “best friends” (m 29) wife (F 29) told me that she was done with me and that I couldn’t be friends with her husband or her anymore. She said I was “obsessive” and too clingy, because i would “text too much, talk on Snapchat, facebook, insta, or discord/xbox”
I truly don’t understand. I am a very literal and probably impulsive person. I talk to someone when something reminds me of them. I ask to play games when my friends are online. I didn’t think it was an issue but she says it is. She blocked me on any social media and my phone
Number. And told me not to talk to her husband (he was my friend first) either.
She’s known how I classify as asexual and that I’ve only ever seen her husband as an older brother, but she absolutely hates me now…and I’m not sure if it’s because of the asexual aspect.
She thinks I’m “obsessed or excessively” talking to her husband (I was part of
Their wedding in November of 2024 at least according to him) but all I ask is to
Play games or talk. There’s never been any sexual attempt or anything
She’s known since BEFORE they were engaged that I don’t like him like that. And that I may never like a man like that. I helped plan the engagement and shit.
My sister thinks I was kept around to dog sit and help when needed and now that I’m not needed she blocked me on everything and told him to do the same.
I don’t know what do think or what to do.
I’m not “neurotypical “ and I’ve talked to my psychologists about it. But I still can’t wrap my head around it because I feel so hurt and betrayed by people I truly loved and thought would be in my life forever.
Comments
That’s awful, I’m sorry. She’s clearly a jealous type. Your male friend has quite a bumpy ride ahead of him.
…and I think you could spell it out in crayon, and the girl will still not trust or believe you. It’s HER insecurity.
Who knows. Once he gets tired of her crap, maybe you two can be friends again.
> …and I’m not sure if it’s because of the asexual aspect.
It’s not because of the asexual thing. It has nothing to do with anything you did. She’s worried that her husband has a crush on you, and she would feel that way no matter what you did or who you are. It’s entirely because of her husband, and who she thinks her husband is.
Alternately, it could have to do with some other drama, completely unrelated to a possible love triangle. But even if so, that would have nothing to do with your asexuality either.
I mean if they are married now the expectation is that they won’t hang out and play video games with their best friend every day no matter what gender that friend is. This is an inbuilt part of the male growing up experience and does not sound unusual to me.
I agree it sucks and your friend sounds like a shithead the way that she handled it.
I wish I’m asexual tho, since I’m friggin aromantic… Being aromantic but not asexual in same time is frustrating
First off, being asexual is valid. It simply means you don’t experience sexual attraction, and you’ve clearly understood and accepted that about yourself. The fact that others don’t understand it doesn’t make it any less real. As for your friends, I’m so sorry, what they did sounds incredibly hurtful and confusing, especially after being so close and involved in their lives. It’s painful when people misread your intentions, especially when you’ve been clear and respectful. You deserve friendships that don’t make you feel like you have to constantly defend who you are. Their reaction says more about their insecurities than it does about you.
I felt sad reading this because I’m not neurotypical either and I know I’ve driven people away by messaging them too much. I miss them, or get excited seeing them online, so I message them and don’t have the social skills to understand what a normal amount should be, or read the cues of when they want the conversation to stop. So that part of your situation felt very real and I felt sorry for you.
Adding in that the wife might feel jealous or protective of her husband, yeah that also tracks. Chatting is a major route to infidelity, if it’s gonna happen.
First of all, thank you for being so open and vulnerable in sharing your story it takes real courage to put something like this into words. There are a few threads here, and I want to acknowledge all of them with care.
Autistic people tend to be a bit intense. You might have habbits which are normal to you, but uncomfortable for others around you. Some people don’t like dealing with that. At the end of the day, it’s their choice who they spend time with.
You can mask 24/7 controlling every aspect of your personality so that it doesn’t become a burden on others, but that will burn you out eventually. You can adopt a pet and stay away from human relationships altogether. Or you can look for people who accept you the way you are.
As for the question. I usually explain it as sitting at a restaurant surrounded by delicious food, but not being hungry.
HetRom Ace here! I first discovered what I was during the hayday of AVEN. Around twenty years ago. I’m married to my partner of fifteen years, who is het.
The way I explain it is that I don’t experience sexual attraction. I don’t look at my partner as anything more than my lifelong companion. I love him, but I don’t desire him.
Sometimes, I oversimplify it by saying that I don’t want or am interested in sex.
The motto coined by AVEN, “I’d rather have cake.”
That said, there is still such a thing as having an emotional affair.
Maybe your friend is insecure? Seems so.
“Me no like sex”
People not in romantic relationships tend to lean on their friends more and often go overboard with it.
I’d tell her off. Share that you don’t know why she is acting so insecure all of a sudden but you are just being you and you can be friends with her husband if you so choose to. As long as he is cool with it. She doesn’t own him and choose who he can be friends with just because they are married. Especially if you were friends with him first. Bring up that you don’t appreciate how she is acting towards you by projecting her own fears onto you and that she needs to seek a therapist because that is an overreaction to you being a friend and, you know, wanting to spend time with your friends. If she is suspecting her husband of cheating on her, it’s not with you and that is something she needs to clear up with him and not involve you in when you haven’t done anything wrong. You were just being a friend. Which clearly she never was if you think she may have been using you. I would talk to her husband and explain all this to him and ask if he will talk to his wife to get through to her. That it’s not mature or appropriate to talk to you that way. And suggest couple counseling to him.
This is something I have mentioned to people for years and years. Not everyone has that need for pair bonding whether it is with the opposite or the same sex.
In the future you might want to consider the answer that many of what they used to call “confirmed” bachelor’s gave, which which is I just haven’t found the right person yet. In a way it’s technically true.
Sounds like you just enjoy more external validation than others and attention. And to people who rely on lower needs of external validation and such, you might come off obsessed. It’s on her that she thinks that’s a threat, some people just need more. Some their whole life, others for part(s) of it. Her inexperience with that, lack of empathy, and/or insecurities are at play here, not any personal issues you have.
Completely separate conversation , I think an ace could still encroach on another person since ace and aro are different? The scenarios you described for hanging out weren’t sexual at all so I’m not sure what bring ace is about unless I’m misunderstanding something very badly, apologies if I am.
She is just feeling self-conscious and jealous of her husband’s friendship with you. He may have inadvertently said something that got under her skin, like “why do you always want to fight? I have never had an argument with >insert name< in all the years that I have known her” or just talked about you often enough to spark her jealous side. You likely did nothing wrong.