I’m a single woman in my 40s who just finished chemo for stage 3 breast cancer. I’ll be having a double mastectomy and reconstruction soon. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and I know my body will carry scars — but they’re a reminder that I’m still here.
So I’m curious, genuinely — would you date a woman who’s been through that? Do reconstructed breasts or visible scars change how you see someone?
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/Adhdmomlife’s post (if available):
I’m a single woman in my 40s who just finished chemo for stage 3 breast cancer. I’ll be having a double mastectomy and reconstruction soon. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and I know my body will carry scars — but they’re a reminder that I’m still here.
So I’m curious, genuinely — would you date a woman who’s been through that? Do reconstructed breasts or visible scars change how you see someone?
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Ain’t nothin’ but the grill marks on a filet mignon.
This is something that I would have sneered at in my 20s but have done a complete 180 as I’ve gotten older. Nobody gets out of life alive, and we pick up a lot of baggage and scars along the way. We do our best to take care of ourselves, but entropy is the undefeated, undisputed champion of the universe. I have my own scars, too.
Any man that wouldn’t date a woman with scars isn’t a man you want to date.
I would absolutely date a woman that has been through this!
No problem at all. That’s a perfectly valid reason to have surgery.
Not a problem for me.
I’ve only hooked up with one chick who had reconstructive surgery but since I’m not a boob man it made no difference to me
I’d feel great about it. Don’t worry about the scars, they’re a reminder that you kicked cancer’s ass. Anybody that has an issue with it isn’t worth your time anyway.
Non issue for me
Be tasteful with it, don’t go too big and keep it natural-ish
You are a warrior! Any guy would be lucky to be with you!
If you are a kind, caring person, I will nuzzle those reconstructed tiddies as if they were your own home grown. And love them just as much.
First off, I’d admire her strength.
Secondly: Boobs!
🙂
I would be 100% supported♥️
I think you’d have to be pretty fucked up not to date someone because they needed a double mastectomy.
What you want is a guy who is dating you, rather than your breasts. The former will think that you are awesome. The later is dodging a bullet.
Single man in my early(ish) 40s, would care at all.
No problem. If the desire is there and the plumbing still works, it’s all good.
Respect. If I was dating and that came up I’d look at you already admiring such strength
No issues. A person who has experienced and endured is always sexier than a person who hasn’t.
Scars are a part of a person. As long as she doesn’t let the scars dictate how she lives, and now knows that she just needs to go out and enjoy life because life is short, then it shouldn’t matter. I do hope that while she now understands that life is short, that she’ll do everything she can to stay healthy and that includes mental health. Perseverance is an attractive trait. A scar is a sign of persevering, so keep persevering. 👍
I’m not a fan of implants as a rule. They just don’t feel the same. BUT….
If I were to match with a woman who had reconstructive surgery due to a medical issue such as cancer, and everything else aligned then yep. No problem at all. Dating her would not be affected by this at all and I t’s not a deal breaker in this situation.
I have preferences but I’m not an AH and can see all the reasons why this was necessary for her post-cancer.
If it were for purely cosmetic and vanity reasons or body image issues, then nope. Not down for someone with ongoing body image issues.
But you don’t seem like you are in the second category. Wanting to have breasts again post surgery and cancer is completely different to a purely cosmetic procedure IMHO.
You’d have my full support and admiration for your strength during such a difficult time in your life.
Wouldn’t bother me one bit. Boobies are good whether they are natural or reconstructed!
What counts is you BEAT cancer.
I’m not a fan of implants to make breasts larger but in your case I would be grateful to be with a person that has gone through all of your suffering.
I don’t loooove implants but it wouldn’t be dealbreaker at all. Fake boobs are better than no boobs, IMO.
Any man would be lucky to be with such a warrior.
I’m dating someone who’s 7 years further down the road than you are. She’s fantastic, healthy, and looks wonderful. Don’t worry. You’re gonna be fine. Good luck and I wish you all the love in the world.
Men like boobs, you will have no issues
I mean aren’t the scars the same as anyone else who has implants? Anyway, I would be empathetic that they had cancer, but that’s it.
Also, men have much lower standards for boobs than women do. I have had couple girls complain about hating their breasts and I thought they were amazing.
Breasts are cool but they don’t make a woman. Character, strength, and maybe a little sweetness does. If my wife were to ever lose them it wouldn’t change who she is. Keep on, keep keeping on
I just want to say something I really mean, you’re a warrior. You faced something that takes so many, including my own mom, and you didn’t just survive, you fought, and you won! That’s not something to feel self-conscious about. That’s something to stand tall in.
Your scars, are your story, even the parts you might feel insecure about know that they’re not flaws. They’re proof of your strength, your courage, and more importantly your life. To me, you’re someone to admire. Feel proud of what you’ve overcome.
Gay guy here so I would not date a woman. But any man that would not date a woman who has survived and thrived what you have , because of some scars and reconstruction doesn’t deserve the time of day from you.
Glad you are doing well
I wouldn’t care at all. I’m too grown for all that. There aren’t any women who don’t have imperfections, those are girls.
After cancer???! She beat cancer my dude, I’d/you’d be dating a fierce warrior.
How is this even a question!
For most breast surgery questions, I’m totally against them.
But medical is the one exception I have. In your case it doesn’t harm the decision making in the slightest. I would say though, in my preference, just don’t go over board with it.
I would not care one bit. Actually, there’s some advantages to be had. If they were big before, you might feel some back pain relief. No bras anymore…. Never have to worry about the deflated, egg in a tube sock look.
I know some guys are ALL about the breasts. But, they don’t talk or think, they have no personality, they are hidden 99% of the day, and frankly, they serve very little practical purpose in intimacy. Are a nice perky pair fun to play with and look at? Sure. But do I actually need them in a relationship? Absolutely not. Virtually every part of your body is more important. Especially at 40, where a baby is much, much less likely to need them. And even then, formula works. Both my kids got formula.
So all that to say, don’t sweat it. No decent man is going to give you a negative strike for this… reconstructed or just gone. Someone who is hung up on it is not worth a relationship anyway.
Yes I’d date you. Scars are part of life. You tend to get them for all sorts of reasons as you go through life. A mature man knows this. As long as he gets to touch them I’m sure he’ll be just fine with them.
Can I see them and give you an accurate assessment?
I dont know how much of your cancer fighting journey you hsve left but im so proud of you and happy to hear you are done chemo. Goid luck and keep kicking ass! As for the scars and surgery, i wouldn’t bat an eye.
I’ve been dating a woman for over 4 years who had reconstructive breast surgery after cancer, so I don’t mind and I’m sure there’s tons other men who don’t mind either.
Some care some don’t
If I were dating, it certainly wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. I really believe in the idea we’re each “perfectly imperfect”.
And given your story, you seem like a fighter who’d also have a good perspective of things. That would be a good trait in a prospective partner.
My wife had a double and decided to not go for reconstruction due to the risks. I don’t see her any differently, and in fact think the scars (which have obviously become less visible over time, and will continue to do so) are part of her story and her journey. She’s a survivor. And she’s alive.
Good luck and all the best
It would not bother me. In fact, I would find it as a badge of strength. Just about everyone probably knows at least one female who has gone through breast cancer and is aware of how vicious it can be. And the treatment and recovery are very difficult as well. You are a very strong person who has survived a very terrible disease, and you should be proud of what you accomplished, not ashamed of the physical proof of what you suffered. This is the mental part of it for me, if I were involved with you.
On the physical side, a scar would not bother me at all. My wife had 2 c-sections and has the scars to show it on her belly. Those are rather large and very easy for me to see. But they do not bug me at all. They do not reduce my attraction to her, they do not repulse me when I see or touch the area, and the scars do not sit in the back of my mind with me wishing that they were not on her body. It’s never occurred to me that they are an imperfection. Instead, it’s just like any other bump, bruise or feature of a body. So this would be the physical side for me.
I can understand why you asked the question. You will be going through an extreme procedure after a disease that ravished your body. Stage 3 is very scary. The scars may bring that experience back to your mind. But I hope these thoughts do not linger and that you do now dwell on the negative too much. Maybe you’re just curious without any negative thoughts, which would be great. But if you are afraid of how guys will react, I hope my answer and others can dissuade you of that fear. Yes, some guys will probably not like it, but my honest feeling is that most guy swill not be bothered by it and in fact will see you as a stronger and better person who survived this experience.
With plastic surgery it’s always the reason for getting it, at least for me. Your reason is the best one I can think of. Congratulations on beating cancer and your scars only show you’re a survivor. Who could hold that against you? If anything I think it’d be the opposite, liking that you kicked its ass.
Scars make no difference, and you can include all the things you see as imperfections when you look in the mirror with that.
It’s more important how you treat them. By that I mean if you keep telling your partner not to look at them because you assume they won’t like them despite being told you look amazing then over time it becomes tiresome. The reality is they’re boobs. They’re boobs on the person you want to be naked with. Scaring, size, symmetry and all the other things women worry about regarding them doesn’t enter in the equation. They’re boobs on the on the person you want to be naked with.
Won’t lie, breasts are a major thing for me. That said, it would not factor in the decision.
I’m already attracted to you for your attitude, your strength and your courage to face in to what you’re dealing with. I feel like I would want to take care of your body in the way you most need, having gone through this. Certainly reconstructive surgery would not put me off.
It sounds like you’re afraid that men won’t like you. And all I can say to that is that I’m sorry you have to carry that fear. That’s not a fear that someone who just survived freaking cancer ought to have to worry about, and yet here we are. I do think I come with good news though which is that there are men out there who will want to love you just as you are, as long as you try to understand them. I can’t take away the fear, but I can tell you that companionship and mutual understanding and a shared desire for the future are more important factors than a loss of breasts.
they won’t see your boobs unless you’re getting in bed together. beforehand if they do end up getting feelings for you you can explain the situation
My ex had extensive spinal surgery in her youth and had a very obvious scar the entire length of her spine. I saw it a lot and it never bothered me because it was part of her and part of her story, but that’s from a place of emotional investment. Visual imperfections tend to be endearing to people who care about you but can be offputting to people who don’t. See it as a built-in screening tool for men with character who are invested.
I think most men wouldn’t mind.
Congratulations on how far you’ve come !!
It’s the owner of the boobs I’d be attracted to not just the boobs.
There are really shallow people in the world. But anyone who learns to respect you for who you are is only gonna see you, and that’s what you deserve. Don’t sweat it, and best of luck with your recovery.
It’s not a deal breaker, wouldn’t mind.
Yep totally, wouldn’t bother me at all. I dated a woman that was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few weeks after we met, we had the best of times and I miss her a lot and still think of her often years later. I would take a few scars if she was still here today
Would not bother me in the slightest.