I saw another post that was talking about the one that got away and a lot of the answers were “just get another one”. As a woman going through a break up which, I believe, is with the love of my life. I’m content not going into the dating world again. Comparing him to other men is not fair to what would be my next partner. So how are so many men content with this life of moving on knowing she (or he) is always in the back of your mind? Do you feel like you have to go through the “steps” of life (get married have kids) and once you get to a certain age you’ll go through it with the next woman who’s good enough even tho she’s not the love of your life?
How do you feel about settling?
r/AskMen
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I just want my needs met. That’s it.
“I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m never going to date again”
Relax.
You’re too hurt right now for common sense or logic. Go be in pain, and you’ll come out of the other side just fine.
Well… I suppose it would depend on your priorities. If you want to find a great partner and forge a life with that person, you will need to be open to a few people to find the right one.
I don’t think there’s just one person. I think it’s possible to find somebody else who is amazing and love that person.
My best advice, I suppose, would be to give it a little time – six months? And see how you feel. Maybe you’ll be in more of a “give a guy a shot” phase.
Or, you can think about Rod Weston.
Pattie Boyd was married to George Harrison for eleven years, then Eric Clapton for ten. They wrote two of the most famous love songs of all time for her (Something, Wonderful Tonight). And then she got together with Rod Weston, a man who had to follow up George Harrison and Eric Clapton.
If Rod can handle the comparison, whoever you go out with can handle a little comparison, too.
I don’t think it’s necessarily something that’s immoral if that’s what they need to do if their personal goals require it – although admittedly, it’s really sketchy if they think of it as settling instead of moving on or something more mature than that, if they think they’re settling they probably have some soul searching to do and maybe some therapy to attend if it’s available – but I already know that I’m not going to do that. I spent my entire life avoiding relationships for a bunch of reasons I’m not going to get into here, and the universe lined up like eight miracles to put me in a situation where I found someone I became friends with, we were shoved together for hours and hours a day for most of a year, and I developed feelings for her as she developed them for me. I’m not interested in finding a girlfriend, partner or wife, I’m interested in her, and if that doesn’t work out then I’m thoroughly uninterested in repeating the process. I’m one and done.
Men and women deal with breakups differently. Most of the time when a man breaks up, he was frustrated with his partner to some extent and always fantasized about how he can do much better when he’s finally single again. Then slowly after trying to go on a handful of dates which only lead to disappointment, his confidence goes to shit. He becomes hopeless and starts to miss his partner.
With women it’s the opposite. She’s sad that she lost her guy, cries to her friends, tries to fuck someone new, “noone can replace him.” Then after a month or so of this she meets someone new and forgets that her ex ever existed. Ironically that’s usually around the mark when the guy begins to remember his ex.
How do men feel about settling? Angry.
It’s frustrating to watch women throw away their opportunities, over-estimate their value, and cause their own trauma, then all of a sudden decide to take things seriously when she got old and lost all of her value…
It’s frustrating, no man wants to deal with that.
It’s the downward movement of a building’s foundation due to the compression or shifting of soil beneath it. While some settling is normal, excessive or uneven settling can lead to structural problems. Recognizing the signs of excessive settling is crucial to prevent costly repairs and maintain the safety of a property.
Wait…
This isn’t r/StructuralEngineering
I really don’t like the term “love of your life.” I fell in love with when I was a teenager. Probably again in my early mid twenties. Then, I fell in love again with my wife. You know what really makes the difference, time. Time changes a lot, including your perspective. Right now, you’re heartbroken. You have chemicals all through your brain and body. You won’t be thinking clearly for a little bit but in time things will get better and you’ll meet somebody else. Or you’ll get ten cats.
Not to be cruel but he wasn’t the one. I wish I could go back and slap my younger self out of a similar mindset. I wasted three years thinking about my ex (believing she was still the one). They are not. If they were you would still be together. It’s hard I know but the sooner you move on, the better. Be grateful for the good times and look to the future, no need to settle as you never know who is out there waiting for you. Good luck.
If he were the love of your life you’d be together. If you’re not together then he wasn’t the love of your life. It is that simple. It would be like falling at your destiny.
I’m sure you believe he was the love of your life. I know plenty of people, myself included, that thought they had met “the one”. Then that relationship ended and they were devastated and sure they’d never find anything better. Then sooner or later they ended up in an even better relationship than the one they thought was the best.
I don’t know anyone that’s settled for worse than they’ve had. He’s the best you’ve had… so far.
It’s ok to be sad. Don’t give up just yet.
My ex, when we were together and things were good I told her if she ever left me I’d never date anyone else and that knowing that I would get old and die alone would be depressing enough that it would cause me to spiral out of control. Essentially if she left it would be like killing me, no pressure. The thing is, we were together for 3 years and I knew the whole time she was going to leave one day. She was too amazing, she had too many options. But I set the bar so high that nobody has come close. Even with a list of celebrities and wealthy people that have dated her at this point. She knows it too and she knew it when she left. But the world was telling her I was holding her back. So if she stayed she would have resented me, there literally was nothing I could do to save the relationship besides getting rich and famous. Which I don’t want to do. But now that she knows none of that stupid crap is going to make her happy, I wonder if she will come back before that invisible line gets crossed. The one that says she came back because I was her only option left and not her number one. Because one of those is insulting and the other is as good as it could get. At this point I’m wasting my life, but honestly I’d be dead if I wasn’t waiting. Pathetic I know, but I had no choice in this really. This is who I am. It really makes me angry at society for basically ruining what could have been a much happier life for both of us. Between social media and pop-culture stuff like the Kardashian bullshit. Women are being told that what they should want is a bunch of stupid shit that doesn’t make them happy. Just look at the surgeries they get, they look like aliens, who would spend money to become less attractive? But they all do it. Duck lips and all of it. Every 25 year old looks like a 50 year old trying to look like a 25 year old. And they’re both past their expiration date. They should be mom or grandma. Why are they dating still? It’s like the world has gone insane. And when you say what’s correct, people think you are the bad guy. By every possible metric you should be married with kids by 25 for things to be optimal in your life. If you have not, and want those things, you have screwed around and wasted a bunch of time.
See, if you’re divorcing or divorced, then they’re not the love of your life if they don’t see your value. I want a woman who sees my value and loves all of me despite my flaws. That woman would be the love of my life, and I’d want to treat her as my queen while she’s treating me like her king
Why are you breaking up with the “love of your life”
That age of not wanting to go through it again is after being married 10+ years
What I’ve noticed is most people would rather be with someone than be alone. And pay the price for it bc they don’t want to try for better.
The idea that there’s only one person out there for you is unnecessarily restrictive and self-defeating. There are many, many people who would make fantastic partners if you’re both willing to put in the work to build the relationship. That’s not settling — you’re not just taking anyone who comes along. It’s being realistic about putting people on pedestals.
To some degree, it’s life