I can’t stand it even though I’ve never been pregnant.
I feel like they’re just putting down all the hard stuff AFAB people go through during pregnancy.
Their partner is risking literal death and disability. Even if a pregnancy id going as smoothly as one could go, anything could happen at any second.
There’s also all the craving, emotions, feet issues, labor, pushing the baby out, vaginal tearing, acne, migranes, etc.
I just feel like men saying this is completely ignoring all those problems, and, I don’t really know the best way to word this but I’ll try. They’re giving themselves too much credit and them saying, “we’re pregnant,” feels very dismissive of what they’re partner’s going through.
Really the only men who can say it are pregnant trans men. Because, well, they’re the pregnant one and can say it if they want. Same thing with any other pregnant person.
Edit: I want to make it clear that I’m not coming after supportive partners or pregnant people who are ok with their partner saying it. There are some people in this comment section that seem to believe that’s what I’m doing when it’s not.
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Stolen valor
It’s funny because in the 90’s people pushed for this with the idea that it would make the husband realize he’s just as involved with the children as the wife is. Tastes change though
Yeah, I’ve never been pregnant either but it gives me major ickkk. Like no sir, you are in fact not pregnant.
In some cases I see it as an improvement to “she’s pregnant”. Years ago pregnancy was women’s work and women’s business. This inclusion hopefully means the husband is taking an active role in the pregnancy and shouldering as much of that burden biology allows. The recent fathers in my life have certainly modeled that
I never had an issue, I would say it to include my husband. When I was pregnant, people would completely forget his existence, as if he didn’t help make the baby, as if he wasn’t involved at all.
Maybe I’d feel different if he wasn’t helpful during the pregnancy and post partum, but my pregnancy was no me centred, which I personally didn’t want
If he has couvade syndrome where he starts physically experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy? Eh, fair enough I suppose.
Outside of that? Well it depends. It’s good if it’s in the spirit of being an invested supportive partner. It’s not good if they are doing it in a way that diminishes their partner, or they are only paying lip service and still expects their partner to sort out anything baby related.
Makes my skin crawl. It’s “we’re expecting” and not “we’re pregnant” 🤦🏻♀️
Cis father of two here, never said it and never would.
Depends on the man. Mainly I like it. As long as he’s not dominating or an a hole in other ways.
It’s like claiming someone else’s migraines. Just weird.
Unless you can say “we’re having cervical checks” or “we’re having labor pains” then
it’s not appropriate
Gatekeeping is weird.
Semantics.
A better way to say it would be “we’re expecting”, but who the fuck cares anyway?
I think this depends entirely on how well I know the couple and their dynamic. Now, my husband and I aren’t American so our respective native languages just.. Don’t really do this? I also always said I was pregnant, and so did he. If we went with ‘we’ statements, it was to say we’re expecting.
That said, my husband was my absolute anchor during our fertility issues. Obviously he didn’t have the physical torture of injections and supplements and side effects, but he made up for that by basically taking over everything. Same during pregnancy – we already had an equal division before, but he took over cleaning, cooking, laundry, all of it. I didn’t have to lift a finger.
So there are people where I’m okay with it being a joint effort, so to say. For those couples? Sure, tell me “we’re pregnant”, though I would still prefer “we’re expecting/having a baby”. But to most others, I’m side eyeing you. Especially now that I know how absolutely wild pregnancy can be, and especially if it’s not something the person carrying the child seems to be okay with.
I said that all the time while I was pregnant tho I’d most often say that we were expecting. Pregnancy and motherhood is really isolating, I don’t mind it feeling like a group project. But my husband is a star, so maybe I’d feel differently of that wasn’t the case
honestly its only through social media that the general public has started to understand just how difficult pregnancies really are. perhaps the phrase itself originated in a different time. anyhow, its icky all the same. it doesn’t really sympathize with the AFAB partner actually carrying the baby.
Personally, it makes me cringe. There are so many other ways to talk about it without saying something weird. We’re expecting. We’re going to be parents. We’re having a baby.
Not just the husband. Anytime the pregnant person or their partner says it, all I can think is how stupid it sounds. Only one person in the equation is undergoing the massive toll of pregnancy, and there’s nothing collaborative about it. It’s simply logically incorrect, and more maliciously, can be used to conceal the actual ordeal occurring.
Something like “we’re expecting” is far better. It includes everyone without chopping up what’s actually happening.
I was grumpy when I was pregnant (I me myself, not “we”) so if my husband had said anything like “we’re pregnant” I would have wanted to slap him into next week.
It makes me gag when I hear other men say it. Gross.
I find it gross like the guy is trying to take credit, brag that he has sex or insinuate that he owns his wife’s body. Weirdly, I also get icked out by the woman saying it because it also feels possessive or controlling in a strange way, like she’s saying they’re one entity.
Cringe.
I hate when anyone says it, even women, and I always have. Only one person is doing the heavy lifting. But saying “we’re having a baby” is general enough it makes sense. It implies they’re going to be a parent instead of implying they’re giving birth. Like imagine if I told people “we’re having a vasectomy” instead of “we’re not having kids.”
Saying “we’re pregnant” isn’t a statement about who’s doing more or who’s suffering more. It’s a mutual celebration that the couple is having success in bringing a new human into the world. Why not just be happy for them instead of viewing it through this weird, bitter, lens?
Additionally, you’re dismissing the contributions the non-pregnant partner makes to the pregnancy. It’s not as big as the contributions of the pregnant partner, but in a healthy relationship it’s also not zero.
I’ve had friends who wanted their partner to use “we” when talking about pregnancy because they wanted the feeling of being a team. I’ve had friends who felt the same way you do. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what I think but what the pregnant person prefers.
Fills me with blinding rage honestly. No, we are not. Literally nothing happens to their body. They get pleasure and get on with their life.
I hate it tbh. As someone else said, “we’re having a baby” is inclusive without appropriating someone’s body.
I remember by first job out of uni, in the first or second week the team leader went around the whole floor saying ‘I had a baby last night!’ I looked at him and said ‘how clever of you!’ which he didn’t get. But clearly, he didn’t give birth to anything, his wife did. And he didn’t say ‘we had a baby’ he said ‘I had a baby’ which would have been a scientific miracle. Ugh
It’s just a bit of semantics. An alternative than to say “My wife is pregnant.”, which assumes ownership.
Personally I hate it but if the pregnant person is okay with it, then fine.
After trying to grow our family for about 6 years including IUI, IVF, and finally adoption, when we were chosen by the birth family we started to say that we were expecting. It may seem cringey now but we were so overjoyed that we didn’t care.
I’m not a fan either. At BEST, it’s like if someone was training for a marathon and their partner supported them without being a runner themselves, but made it a “we” thing with all the status updates. I think most of us would look askance at that runner’s wife being like, “Our training is going great! We ran 5k today!” “We’re up to 10k!” “Oh no, we sprained our ankle!” “The doctor says we can go back to training!” “We might have a sponsorship!” Etc.
How do you feel when sports fans say “we won” when their favorite team won?
I’ve corrected people that say that and I don’t care how rude, out of line or obnoxious it makes me sound.
If all he’s doing to contribute to the pregnancy is ejaculation, there is no “we” in pregnancy. If there is actually a case out there of a man dying due to pregnancy, I would LOVE to see that report. It would be an entertaining read.
It gives the same energy as men who say refer to their spouse as “the wife.” “I was talking to the wife about…” “The wife doesn’t like when…” 🤢 It bothers me a ton, but I guess I’d say the final say should come from the person carrying the child. If they want and/or are okay with the verbiage “we’re pregnant,” who am I to judge. But I would hate if my own partner said that.
I definitely prefer it over “she’s pregnant.” And as somebody who has had multiple miscarriages, “we’re having a baby” also seems wrong for me. My husband may not have been the one gestating the child, but he was very much also on this journey with me.
It’s just how the man acknowledges it’s not jsut the woman’s responsibility.
At least tha how I always meant it, and so did my friends.
Acknowledging I am involved didn’t take anything from my wife.
This is a switch when men said the wife was pregnant and used it as an excuse to not be involved.
You seem to be looking for excuse to be angry about something you never have experienced.
There enough actual issue to be enraged about.
TBH I couldn’t give a fuck. If someone said that to me I wouldn’t take it as the man taking all the glory for the pregnancy, it’s just a way of saying they’re expecting. And over complicating social interactions like this is weird, like I have never heard anyone say that with malicious intent or to make it sound like they are somehow doing more than the pregnant person lmao. Imagine if someone announced their pregnancy by saying “we’re pregnant” and you just decided to be like WeLl AcTuAlLy lmao just say congratulations like a normal person and move on
In my head, I am like we? Oui? We speaking French now?
I think “we’re having a baby” and “NAME is pregnant” works better
I really hated it…until I was pregnant. I said “we’re pregnant” all the time, and my husband would always be like “well you are, but we’re expecting” lol. It just felt right, and I think that’s because he’s such a supportive and incredible partner. It truly felt like he was going through it all with me.
We lost our first baby. I had endometriosis and at 32 shouldn’t have been able to have a baby. I said “we’re pregnant”. I almost bleed to death and had to stay in the hospital for 5 days because of the blood loss. My, normally cheap husband, paid for the other bed in my room so he could stay beside me for all 5 days, he gave me my first bath 3 days later when the nurse came to wash the blood off of me (he knew how modest I was) and he would not let me carry the groceries or our son up or down the stairs or do laundry. Men care differently. They lay in bed and worry and stay when they could walk away. Idk. I don’t have a problem with it.
Think about how personal the experience is, you don’t know everyone’s history- like our experience it may include multiple tragedies like miscarriages and years of fertility. I told everyone when my wife was pregnant with my oldest as soon as we passed the milestone of 12 weeks. He was the first pregnancy that lasted beyond 12 weeks- never would I try to say that I take credit beyond the initial donation of genetic code, but I also would never make her go through everything you listed without all the support I am capable of giving. In hindsight I did made a few blunders that my love still reminds me of decades later but that’s part of life, I learned from them and thank goodness we communicate and are patient enough to get past clumsy situations. I may well have used language as a young man like “we are pregnant” – if I did it was only to try and share how relieved, excited, and grateful I was.
I agree with you, OP. I find “we’re pregnant” annoying, whereas “we’re expecting” is right and proper. Unless the “we” in question are a lesbian couple, both of whom are in fact pregnant at the same time, it’s just wrong. If “pregnant” is the essential part of the statement, “my wife is pregnant” is the way to go.
It should be we’re having a baby, only the person carrying the child is pregnant
I feel neutral about it, it’s just the sort of thing I thought I’d find annoying but so far I’ve never heard it said in a way that irks me. I have many other hills I’ll gladly die on… like calling grown women ‘girls’. Makes my skin crawl.
To me it is similar to saying “we have cancer” when only one of you does, minimises the impact on the one most affected, gives me the ick
My wife and I went through the horrors of failed IVF for years. We went through it together, I was there for every appointment, every extraction.
So when it finally happened on our last egg then yeah, I think ‘we’ were pregnant.
When I was pregnant, I wished my husband could say it without being judged. I was terrified of childbirth and the newborn phase, and it meant a lot to me that my husband and I were equal partners who would be in it together 50-50 (which we were/are), which is what that phrase means to me. I’m sad that it gets judged instead, though I do understand the sentiment. For me, pregnancy was challenging only in terms of achieving it (infertility), so even that was very much a joint effort for us… the actual experience of being pregnant was easy and enjoyable for me, which I understand is not the case for everyone. “We’re expecting” doesn’t quite cut it for me as a joint term because I feel it’s from older times when people were squeamish about talking about pregnancy as if it’s taboo, and for me it also doesn’t quite encompass the challenges of having a baby. Which I guess is also a consequence of the same problem of men not being seen as responsible for the hard parts.
I think that is something the couple should agree on and everyone else should have absolutely no opinion on.
Stay in your lane.
… anyone that doesn’t understand that the man isn’t pregnant is a bit slow. it’s not taking credit from the woman it’s implied that she’s pregnant which is beyond obvious and it’s a great way to include the male in the process so he can bond with his partner and kid before it comes into the world.
I’d love it if he said “we’re pregnant”. The way it went down: he was in a Teams meeting with his team right next to me at the same desk and said “I am expecting a baby”. I almost got whiplash from my head snapping to look at him.
His reasoning was that his colleagues don’t know me, they know only him. And he IS expecting a baby at the end of this
You’re getting a lot of backlash, but I mostly agree. It’s not on my list of worst things out there by a long shot, but it does annoy me.
There’s a very weird pretense involved that imo is a mix of misunderstanding the point of inclusive language while still centering men in everything.
As if you could make a man stay with a pregnant person by choosing different words.
The person who is pregnant carries all the risk. All of it. The person who is not pregnant can leave literally the next second and will probably not have any consequences come to them (statistically). The least we should do is recognise that and name it thus.
I am also, obviously, aware that many people don’t see it like that and just want to signal they feel responsibility for the pregnancy, which is, of course, a good thing. But to me it’s still a weird choice.
I think we can’t generalise whether it’s OK or not. In some cases it is an improvement to a “that’s her problem” while in some cases it’s “stolen valor” (loved that comment really on point).
If I had become pregnant with my ex and he’d said that I might have ripped his head clean off. Because in that relationship I would have been the one to carry and care for the child in addition to the mansized toddler by my side.
If I were to become pregnant with my current partner I’d be delighted about that phrasing. He takes care of me now, not pregnant or physically limited, in the cutest ways – assuming that would stay that way or even get more intense care (talking ice cream on demand and foot rubs) – it would be fair(-ish) to say “we’re pregnant”. While he wouldn’t be actively carrying the child he’d be taking care of me and by extention our child. Involvement is key.
If there are two people (or more, village and so on) involved in care and they’re not deminishing the pregnant persons ‘contribution’ to the cause it could/should be fine to say “we’re pregnant”.
In the side of caution: “we’re expecting” is always the safe choice.
It’s just an attempt to express solidarity.