Mid 30s here. Sure I have a good job and a nice roof over my head. A decent sized savings account. But I just feel so out of control these days compared to my 20s. Like because I failed myself, I now have no motivation to aim towards anything I truly want anymore because those failures hurt so much. And what twists the dagger into my chest even more is I know people who I grew up with that did become successful. They’re on magazine covers, they’re having children and traveling with their partner, they are just living the life I thought I would have. Did I just not have enough grit?
I’m on my 10th therapist. Im about to go on antidepressants. But these don’t seem like a solution. Finding a island to live on where I no longer entertain myself with social media and television seems like maybe a solution. Like I’d at least be successful at the small goals I set up for myself and I’d have no one to compare it to.
I had no idea I’d flop this much. I thought I’d make it big. I had good grades. People liked me fine enough. I met and worked with a few celebrities albeit on a small scale but it happened. I pushed myself for like 10 years to follow my dreams but I never got lucky enough. And now… I’m living with my parents working corporate, spiraling on decision making on how to spend my days off googling how to stop dreaming because even sleeping is filled with nightmares.
I want to know how to turn this curse off. Like literally every idea I had yesterday fumbled. Last year I had exactly 1 day where everything worked out. But the rest? Even my dreams are bad. What spell or ritual or god do I need to meet to turn everything back around? I’m tired of my 30s being a nightmare. I keep trying things and nothing works. I just want to jump dimensions if I could to one where I’m not failing everything I try.
TLDR: How do you turn things around after you failed in your 20s and early 30s when logically even you have enough evidence that you’ll never get what you set your mind to?