How do you get over the feeling that an argument, or hard talk, means your relationship is broken beyond repair?
How do you get over the feeling that an argument, or hard talk, means your relationship is broken beyond repair?
r/AskWomen
How do you get over the feeling that an argument, or hard talk, means your relationship is broken beyond repair?
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By remembering that you and the other person are two different people with different thoughts, feelings, experiences, and habits. You’re not going to always get along and see eye to eye and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean a relationship is broken. It’s a normal part of relationships both romantic and platonic.
You sit down, remind each other that you love each other. Just take a minute to hold each other, then go to separate rooms to write out what’s on your mind.
You write all your biggest challenges
Write the things you need to work on
Write the steps you’re taking to address YOUR issues
Write down boundaries you need to see
Write down all the fears you have (why haven’t you had this talk sooner? Probably fear of outcome, right?) so write down every possible outcome and what that would mean for you.
List of compromises you’re willing to make
But stay firm on your boundaries!
Congratulations, you’re ready to go to couples counseling!
If both of you are willing to make changes (talk is cheap, and YOU cannot change THEM) and are receptive to feedback, love is compromise. Love is give and take. Water your garden.
Ask what your partner needs from you too.
What’s the way they speak their love language?
What’s the way they accept/receive their love language?
(Yes, they can be 2 different things! Also, what are yours?)
The healthiest relationship I was in, this is how we resolved our issues. 13 years into our friendship, about 5 years after we split up, we are still best friends. Embrace healthy communication. Be receptive of feedback. If you fear how your partner will respond to this, that’s what counseling is for! To create that safe space. 🙂
Well you don’t “get over” the feeling. You feel it, and move through all the stages.
Silver linings though, assuming you want some of those:
–You will get to know yourself better
–There are adventures ahead you don’t even know about
–These lessons will bring you to a wiser understanding of the world, and life, and relationships, and what you can expect from it all.
You get over the feeling by drinking wine.
You vow to try again/be better, if the mistake was on your part. Anyone who supports your growth would be willing to give you that chance. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Trust that your partner is choosing to be with you and love you, just as you are choosing them, and that they will not let one fight ruin your relationship. If they were to end it over a single tricky spot, then they are not for you in the long run anyways.
I also think it’s helpful when my partner gives me some kisses and hugs after a fight so that I know we’re okay.