I’m having to try to handle this. Hearing about how my white parent hates immigration so much, seeing them stare at nonwhites in public, it just makes me feel like they regret having me with my black parent. They were a liberal before and against trump and were for immigrants now since COVID it’s a 180 and they’re basically giving racist teas. They used to always talk about how republicans and whoever are racist. Now if I even bring up the word “racist” they become really quiet.
It’s clear to me that my white parent has become a racist.
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“When you say that I feel…”
You need to say this. Make your feelings known. This isn’t just a family member, this is a parent. You sound like you’re an adult. If so, you can choose to go LC or NC.
It must be difficult. I don’t understand how any human could look at another human and feel hatred because they look different. Receiving that from a parent must be cutting.
I think in their mind they are separating you from the “others”. People can compartmentalize to justify whatever they’re doing.
I am the same race as both my parents but if I were in your situation I might try to address it with them in direct but not abusive language.
If their behavior doesn’t improve I would be tempted to cut them out of my life.
no contact
I would literally say “That is inappropriate. When you say that I feel …… If you continue to say things like that we will not have a relationship.”
And follow thru. If they disregard your feelings, set your boundaries to soft or hard in terms of how no contact you want to be.
There is a book about boundaries. And talking to a therapist or counselor may help.
Or read Games People Play. It’s old school transactional analysis that helps you see people’s patterns and gives some advice on changing your role in the patterns. And it’s fairly entertaining.
My mom went on a rant one time about how boys are so much better and easier to raise than girls (she was talking about my nephew, who she cared for).
I literally laughed in her face and told her she was talking to her daughter, a woman, her other daughter was a woman, and she was a woman. Like WTF are you talking about, know your audience! Anyway, she never expressed that thought to me again, or anyone else as far as I know.
Anyway, you could cut them off or whatever, but the ridicule worked for me. Like, does your parent regret their spouse? You? They know they are literally talking to a non-white person, right? Everytime you come into the house “oh no, you’re being invaded by the brown people! Secure your belongings!” “Can I sit on this couch or is it Whites Only?”
Too bad the other racists see them as a traitor to white people!
Set your boundaries whether you are “mixed race” or not. Tell them you don’t like it. They will probably persist. Walk away. Leave each time they do it. Refuse to be part of the conversation even if you’re only a listener. Do not play games with them. Do not try and push their buttons by using words like “racists” in conversations. And don’t let anyone push your buttons. That’s how I handle it.
I don’t like illegal immigration but I love my Philippino daughter-in-law and I believe that she is the best thing that has happened to my son. She is beautiful inside and out and I can’t wait for grand children. So I ask you are they really racist or just hate illegal immigrantion? There is a difference you do know that?
I would talk to them. This assumption that every non-white person is an immigrant is not only racist, it’s wrong. Are they really okay with you being treated like this?