We have 3 kids and my wife and I have been doing it in the basement so that we can’t be heard. I don’t love the basement for this. It’s too dark and without a bed it makes positioning awkward and limited.
My goal is to get back to the bedroom but her concern about being heard takes her out of the moment and you can tell she’s not enjoying it as much.
What tactics have you employed to avoid this?
Edit: My oldest is 16 and he’s awake past 11. He’s the main issue.
Comments
Before work
Generally, not having kids is a start.
Aside from that, please let me know once you find the answer. I have my first on the way and I am concerned. đ
Lock the door and put music or TV on.
At night in your own room (with a locked door) when theyâre all in their own beds and sleeping. Put on music if needed to drown out the sound some.Â
Not advice, but funny, look up why and how Banshees were invented.
they get to play PS5 ONLY when you want to do the deed.
Every chance you can when they are not around.
Lock the door. Have sex.
Not anything to be ashamed of. They won’t be scarred for life.
Having them understand sex is part of a loving relationship isn’t a bad thing.
Late at night
Put on a movie and lock your doors
In your bedroom with the door locked. Turn on a fan or music. My wife and I also learned to lower the volume of the noise we make while still enjoying the moment.
We have learned to be very quiet and only after the kids have been in bed for a while, and with our door locked. We go at it like 5 nights a week so it works
Morning sex. Plan ahead so you’re not awake too late, which would make it difficult to wake up in the morning. If you and your partner want this to happen schedule it. Make it a priority.
Lock the door, be quick, be sneaky
Lock the door, be quick, be sneaky….gotta find ways to make it work
Our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house than theirs.
And if the oldest is 16, is he responsible enough to watch the others overnight? Priceline/hotwire often have a cheaper hotel rate day of, and hotel sex is great.
Why are you letting your kids run the house?
Throw some music on, tell them mom & dad are having some alone time and youâre not to be bothered unless itâs an emergency.
Lock the Fkn door and GIVER TIL YA QUIVER!
Distract them with a movie or video games. Lock the door. Sound machine or loud bathroom fan.
Itâs easy when theyâre younger and donât know whatâs going on. âMommy and daddy are getting dressed, weâll be right outâ. Then lock the doors and bang away. Itâs when they hit their teen years that you have to start scheduling bang sessions when theyâre not around.
Buy a box fan for your bedroom. (No pun intended.) Box fans put out (again, no pun intended.) a lot of white noise.
Our kids are in bed at 8 so itâs a nonissue atm (had to install a real lock, though). As they get older and stay awake longer, my plan is to soundproof our door/room a bit. YouTube has guides on swapping out the hollow doors and sealing the air gaps. I also want to put a thick rug down and maybe more on the walls to improve sound deadening. Also run TV/music
Thatâs weird, you wife doesnât make me go to the basement..
“Its bed/nap time. Leave me alone or I’m cutting off the internet.”
Vaseline works. Just put it on the hallway door knob and close the door.Â
We’ve engineered ways to get the kids out of the house by spending time with grandma or something. Otherwise just like everyone else says. Tv/music, lock the door.
You won’t be able to make your wife comfortable with this one. Sex is very much a mind game, so sit down and talk about how you can have sex where you both feel comfortable. Use I-Statements and talk about what you would like and see what she has to say.
Do it in the basement while the clothes are in the laundry machine
Sometimes, kick them out of the house and tell them to go play outside.
If we follow the example of my bio parents? Five feet away in the same room while you think your child is asleep.
I do not recommend this tactic.
We wait for her to be asleep
Just use your bedroom. It’s your house. You’re not doing anything wrong or immoral or whatever. If you continue to let the kids dictate what you do in your own house you will not be happy in the long term.
Your kids may not even notice. And if they do, give them an age appropriate answer. Kids, if you let them, will mess up your relationship with your partner to the point that the relationship is broken. Its not their fault, they are kids just being kids. But that’s what happens when you and your partner give them the ability to impact all aspects of your relationship.
Sex is one of the most beautiful and life affirming things a person can do. Cherish it and everything it brings to your relationship. Dont let the kids take that away from you or bad things will follow.
So the first thing you need to know about teenagers is they don’t get up in the mornings..
Lock on our bedroom door, we go to bed early and wake up early enough to have plenty of time to make love.. and yes we did this with kids in the house with no problems.. We make love each day, every day and have done this for years..
Just have sex in the shower, then you have an excuse to be locked in the bathroom.
From the day they’re born I always have porn blasting through a hidden Bluetooth speaker in their room. That way they just get used to it and don’t question it as they’re older. My 22yr old son who lives at home just thinks it’s normal now.
They’re your kids, not your parents, and you’re not 17.
Don’t they know what sex is? Be honest with them, and they’ll probably do everything possible to avoid you.
Put a lock on the door and buy a sound machine. If someone knocks we say weâre changing.
Also how old are the kids? When our kids were really young we did it at night after they went to bed. Now theyâre teens who sleep till 10-11 so we do it in the morning.
Build a “guest room” in the basement?
Very quietly
Start with teasing thru out the day if possible⌠hugs, kisses, caressing, pictures, videosâŚWhen the kids are settled and in bed and sleepâŚlock door, music, BE QUICK since you both have been waiting all day Lol. Enjoy some wine, Tv and snacks afterâŚIm a female lol so just putting in my 2 cents.
Give the kids their iPads and lock the door.
Trust me – they know! Keep your ‘volume’ low if possible. Keep the bed away from the wall a bit to avoid the rhythmic thuds and lock the door (and make sure that the lock works đ). That’s it, you are good!
ETA: When you were 16, and if stayed past 11, what did you do? Just the cycle of life man, roll with it!
Quietly
https://youtu.be/IWg3wiktKjE?si=RuFSMd6afauhvGQT
We just do. We wait till the kids go to sleep or we tell them to go downstairs and watch TV and game and that we are going to go take a nap.
Our bedroom door is always locked.
Itâs a holiday weekend. Go get a futon couch for the basement. Get some stuff of FB marketplace to make it look nice. No gaming nothing electronic other than an echo dot. Get some candles. Have it a boring reading room/guest room. Wifey can use it as a relaxation room an hour before you join her. Pop out the futon and make it a bed and get busy. Get a lockbox and disguise it as a pot planter – put your âtoysâ in it and enjoy!
Shut the door, put the tv at a decent but not noticeable volume and youâll be good to go. Along with maybe a fan or an ac unit lol
Pillow over the face during the magic moment
Oh you guys are nasty. Basement, well played sir.,
If the 16 year old hears you once, Iâm sure he will make sure he does everything he can to never hear you again.
Source: when I was 16 I heard my parents going at it. From that point on I trained myself to fall asleep with my earbuds in and music playing.
We live in a tiny row. Both my grown sons live in the house and although I do try to keep it down. It is mine and my husbands home. They are grown and can move if they wish. But TV / Music and lock the door. Teach the kids not to open shut doors but to knock first.
I lock the door and get down to business.
No one wants to hear their parents having sex. If he does once, he’ll make sure to not let it happen again.
You might just need to have a conversation with him and be straight up.
My parents had a waterbed and an air conditioner in their window and âtook naps.â
My wifeâs parents âpaid bills.â
Put on some music, lock the door and handle your business. The young ones wonât know and the older one will probably be thankful for a moments peace.
Our go to move was always something along the lines of “Mama and Daddy are having a family meeting in our room so you kids go play outside for a while!”… the younger ones just went and so did the older ones albeit with emphatic eye rolls – *again*!? đ
Get the kid some noise canceling headphones
You know, its funny this thread should pop up just as my husband and I left the house to escape the noise of our downstairs neighbours going at it at full volume with all the windows open so the street can hear.
We left so noone would assume it was us!
I point blank had to tell my son asking age six he needed to go downstairs Saturday mornings because mommy and daddy need alone time. I was blunt enough that he got the general idea.
Relations are a natural part of relationship. If the kids are old enough to know about sex, tell them that certain timeslots of the week they probably should clear out for somewhere or of hearing⌠If they arenât, set up a âthis is when your get to watch your favorite show!â Combined with mommy and daddy are napping. Give us a bit of time to sleep.
Itâs tough. We went through a period of about two years where our bed was in our sonâs room while modest through 1st through midway through 3rd grade while we worked through his anxiety issues. Talk about a moodkill.
We just close our door and then the tv on. Our oldest knows to knock before opening the door and our youngest is too small to worry about yet.
Send them to their grandparents or aunts house for the weekend
All else fails. Just be straightforward with them and theyâll get grossed out by me banging their mom
Tell them youâre eating vegetables in the bedroom
The hardest part for me is that the mood isnât always on that kind of schedule. Early morning is the best time.
Iâm also considering building a tree house.
Not for the kids, but for us.
Can you make your teen stay in their room instead? When I was a teen, I didnât have to go to sleep at a certain time, but I had to go to my room at 10pm. I didnât have tv/internet in my room either, so I could read or listen to music. I wasnât allowed in the lounge room after 10.
Ball-gag for your wife and oil the springs in your mattress. And stay quiet
I have 50/50 custody of my kid so that works out, but my partner and I still do the deed when we have my daughter. She has her own sleep sounds integrated into her sleep routine (thanks google) and one she’s asleep, we are good to go. Tell Google that it’s sexy time; our music comes on, her nature sounds volume goes up, and we use the night for more passionate sex. Bonus that she loves being muffled. We save our intense nights for when she is at her mom’s
Buy your son a good pair of headphones so he cannot hear anything outside of them
If he’s 16 and awake, he’s probably busy with his own stuff. Gaming? Get him headphones.
Do it when they’re away?
Tell him to close his ears, because it’s business time!
Well you can have sex when the kids are asleep. You could also encourage her not to over exaggerate the noises that she makes. Not all women naturally make tons of noises where they’re getting sexual relations. Most of the time women put on a show because they see it in the porn. Regarding your basement, why don’t you add some additional lighting or maybe set up your own play space and get an extra bed in the basement. Most people here in the United States that have a basement just finish their basement and add a room to the basement or extra additional living space.
Itâs not the doing part itâs the âMOMMMMMMMMM DADDDDDDDDâ in the middle that sucks. Little cblocks
Fwiw, people have been having sex for literally ever. It is incredibly recent in human history that people have had significantly more private spaces.
Your kids don’t rule the house. You two do. She needs to understand that part. You two shouldn’t need to walk on eggshells living your normal lives just because your kids live there.
Your kids knowing you are having sex isn’t going to scar them. It’s a normal thing that literally everyone does. Besides it’s a great opportunity for normalizing talking about sex with your kids, which a lot of people struggle with. Either way I can assure you, once they reach their teens… they will know when you guys are doing the deed anyways. It’s kind of her to be considerate to not make too much noise, but yeah. Just use the bedroom imo. Sex is a natural thing and people need to stop being such prudes about it, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
> I don’t love the basement for this. It’s too dark and without a bed it makes positioning awkward and limited.
If this is the only complaint? Get a spare bed and put some lamps or lights in. Doesn’t need to be a fancy one or super nice. Those are cheap fixes to make sex easier and more comfortable for you two.
The benefit of doing this is it can also double as a guest bed whenever people stay with you.
My main recommendation is just talking with her so she gets the fuck over it and stops letting your kids run your sex lives. Again, kids knowing their parents have sex will not harm them in anyway, if anything it is a symbol of a healthy marriage and relationship between the parents. Like it or not kids learn a lot from their parents and base a lot of their future relationships off of how they see their parents relationship work out. If you guys are constantly hiding sex, they will eventually learn that and internalize that sex is something to be shameful of and hide.
This is an opportunity for teaching healthy, loving interactions. I commend you on not necessarily flaunting it, but they need to learn and what better way to teach.
When my girls were around that age it came down to two things, lock the bedroom door and turn on the music loud. Over time, they learned what we were doing and would often joke with:
“you kids need anything? The music’s about to get loud.”
“Ew dad.”
Which later led to more open conversations about healthy, loving relationships and communication.
It was important they knew we were not just mom and dad, and it was important we knew we weren’t just husband and wife, but also man and woman.
Work through the anxiety or even shame and embrace it from the point that it is a natural thing and it is an opportunity to demonstrate mature, loving examples.
Be well.
Hey son, I heard these new noise cancelling headphones are amazing for gaming and watching movies.
Y’all havin sex??!!
Surely the kid has headphones, and they are on technology of some sort (i dont think kids read books anymore). I doubt they are hearing a thing. Going to the basement is surely more suss?
We just keep quietish, ensure a non squeaky bed, and tell them goodnight, which means don’t come knocking unless you are on fire.
People are really good at living in denial.
Me: “Well, I’m getting tired. Goodnight everybody.”
My wife: “Oh, I think I left some laundry on the bed, I should get that out of your way.”
Kids: Studiously playing video games and saying nothing.
One time I was outside playing and then walked in to my parents naked on the couch. They yelled at me to go outside and stay out until they told me I could go back in. I was so hurt and confused and then didnât get any explanation when I was allowed back inside. Donât do that.
Whats the 16 yr old doing up at that hour? Gaming? Get him a headset
I had silent sex from ages 18 to 28 because my ex lived with her parents and I lived with mine. Hers were 3 rooms over, mine were 1 room over. The economic situation was difficult so we couldn’t afford our own place or car.
I’m 35 now with no kids and a vasectomy.