Okay men, how do you deal with your SO being nit picky?
My wife is often nit picky and complains about stupid little things (crumbs on the seat in the car, socks on the sofa, cleaning wipes left in the bathroom, laundry room door left open, etc etc etc) all the time. Meanwhile she leaves multiple pairs of shoes all over the floor near the front door (I’m always tripping on them), used tissues all over the place, sweaters and jackets draped over multiple chairs, and more.
It drives me crazy. I need to find a way to prevent it from getting under my skin, because I’m wasting my energy responding to it.
Aaaaaaah!!!!
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of the post’s text (if available):
Okay men, how do you deal with your SO being nit picky?
My wife is often nit picky and complains about stupid little things (crumbs on the seat in the car, socks on the sofa, cleaning wipes left in the bathroom, laundry room door left open, etc etc etc) all the time. Meanwhile she leaves multiple pairs of shoes all over the floor near the front door (I’m always tripping on them), used tissues all over the place, sweaters and jackets draped over multiple chairs, and more.
It drives me crazy. I need to find a way to prevent it from getting under my skin, because I’m wasting my energy responding to it.
Aaaaaaah!!!!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I would communicate with her in a non-accusatory manner. The point is to get her to listen, and for both of you guys to reach an outcome that works for both of you.
Take a pic of her shoes and used tissues everywhere.
Next time she does it, text her the pictures and say, I’ll do better as soon as you do. Then walk away.
Don’t argue about it. Cause you know she will. Just walk and go do something productive.
She’s messy, too? She might be doing that as a passive/aggressive way of living with you.
Find someone impartial to act as a referee. Gotta re-establishe good communication with DaWife.
As you get older you learn to just tune them out.
It’s what men of all generations have done.
I’ve been married a long time and the only thing I’d say is pick your battles. You either dig in and go for it, with an argument about her being manky leaving tissues about, or go a wee bit deaf, take a deep breath and just ignore it.
Oooo, I can finally be like all of the women on Reddit!!
Ehh hmm
“lEaVe HeR, kINg! ShE iS a NaRcIsSt!!!”
Did I get it?
Damn, I feel so empowered right now.
Talk to your wife lol. You both need to step up your game on tidiness. Leaving cleaning wipes, tissues, dirty socks out I wouldn’t consider nitpicking. That’s just each of you being lazy.
Laundry room door… do you have kids or pets? Maybe your wife doesn’t want someone getting into the chemicals.
Some of the other stuff could be nitpicky I suppose but you’re married. Talk about it
Ask her to have a sit-down, open conversation about household chores and what bugs the other. She may be nitpicking because while none of those things seem like a big deal to you, to her they are – especially when it’s all of them together. Figure out what tasks you can both do to help each other and understand that you may do some things for her that again, don’t seem like a big deal to you, but will really help her out. She should do the same for you with the same understanding. And then KEEP UP with the tasks.
Yeah the used tissues drives me insane also ! 🤣
I think the best, non passive-agressive way to deal with this would be for you both to sit down, recognise that you both have your habits that may be annoying for the other person, and go over a list for each of you of what behaviours you would like to change. For each of them, you can describe what the ideal outcome would be for both of you and try to compromise. You will probably have to compromise on some of them. It will probably be a tense conversation, and the outcome depend on how much you both are able to bring yourselves back to the notion that you are a team working together for the good of a relationship you value. Good luck!
All of your examples of her nit picks are over one issue, cleanliness. Does she do most, if not all, of the cleaning?
Maybe the larger problem is she’s overwhelmed or tired of all the cleaning, but hasn’t articulated that yet, it just manifests in the nit picks.
I think there’s a chance that if you talk to her about that, asking if she feels she’s doing too much, and then finding a compromise where you agree to take on some of it and she agrees to relax on the nit picking. Could be a solution.
Communicate and understand why she’s being nit picky. Try to find the deeper meaning to why she’s acting that way. In a way let her win this battle and show effort that you will change.
Tighten up my shit and make it impossible for her to nit pick. Tell her no when it’s no longer common sense.
Ignore her. Tell her to shut her trap. Remind her silence is golden. Stuff like that. Oh and make that hand signal where you make your hand into a mouth shape and then close your fingers together.
Y’all gotta both just clean up what the other asks. My girl hates it when I leave my work pants on the floor, when I do it I say “oh shit sorry” and I put them in the hamper. When she leaves her makeup all over the bathroom counter I tell her and she says “oh shit sorry” and puts it away.
Just make sure when you ask each other to clean the thing that drives you nuts that neither of you are passive aggressive about it.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but just clean it and be more neat and conscientious. I can understand leaving something out that you’re not done with. But crumbs and dirty wipes need to be taken care of before moving on.
Is it hard to close the laundry room door? If not, and you don’t have a preference, then close it, since that’s her preference and it’s an easy thing to do.
I’m guilty of leaving clothing out in random places but it’s usually because I plan on wearing it later that day.
It’s not about the messes, it’s just simple things you can do to show your wife you respect her. Is it annoying, especially at first, having to try to remember all the little things that bother her and keep on top of it? Yes, of course it is. This is stuff that really doesn’t matter to you. But it matters to her. So do it for her, especially if it’s not particularly hard.
Took me nearly 15 years to realize stuff like this isn’t a contest and it’s important to her, even if it isn’t to me. So I do it for her.
Also, tell her what bothers you. Tell her the shoes bother you like the socks bother her. Ask her to please put them on the shoe mat or in the shoe closet/bin or whatever system you guys have. You can both make each other happier by doing little things. You should both want to do that.
I think there is a mixed approach here:
But with any debate you want to “win”, the key is to avoid the other person getting defensive at all costs, otherwise the whole thing goes out the window and no progress is made
I’m just gonna say that your issues would be solved if you just did those things or tidied up after yourself. Her too. But also I know when my SO lets things get messy I tend to do the same because it’s overwhelming for me when things are out of place
Are we married? Is that you…?
usually address it if you don’t they’ll just keep doing it
Just clean up your stuff when someone tells you it’s left out. If her stuff left out bothers you, tell her.
Sounds like you guys are being passive-aggressive with each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s something else going on, but the nitpicking is just an excuse to get on each other’s nerves. At the beginning of the relationship, you probably both tried harder, and are now both trying to “settle” in with less attention to detail. Have a discussion with each other and find out what’s important. Most couples just start to let stuff like this fester until it gets out of hand and both just live miserable.
Stop doing all that lazy teenager stuff. She’s not your mom. Clean up after yourself FFS.
Try to listen to her concerns and do better, but if she’s the OCD type it probably won’t change anything. Some people are just angry at life
Happy wife happy life,
You married her it’s your job to keep her in a zen space
Clean up after yourself
If you don’t like something, change it. If she gets upset about something, she can change it. Kicking her shoes out of the way is nothing. Accepting her invitation to fight is something that will eventually end the relationship.
You have to strategically give them something to complain about.
I realized a few years ago that certain types of women just like complain and argue. It’s like a thing they do every few days or few weeks, depending on the woman. So what I did is I figured out how to direct that energy towards something specific so it doesn’t spill over “randomly”.
Like I will say I’m going to do the dishes and not do them. She will see that and then complain about it. But I am mentally prepared for her to complain about the dishes by that point. See, if I didn’t do that, she would complain about some bullshit but at this point she has something legitimate to complain about so her complaints don’t come across as unhinged and annoying.