There are plenty of people that have gone through a rough Is time in a previous relationship. I would think most of these people don’t want to marry again or if they do they want to go very very very slowly but still want to have a relationship of some kind that includes sex.
I would ask yourself what your barrier is And what would need to happen for the barrier to be removed.
One thing that works for us is our active lifestyle. I workout a lot and she does her own thing. We are still trying to be the attractive versions of whom we fell in love with. Working out also improves your mental well being and also perhaps your sex drive. We also do activities together that help us bond well
Marry the right person. Marry the person who matches your level of sexual needs/wants (amongst the 1000’s of other reasons to factor in prior to getting married).
Most men marry a woman who is about 70% sexually compatible with them and they settle thinking it will get better… News flash, it won’t. People who settle resent their partners years down the road for a myriad of reasons.
If you want a nice, long, happy and healthy sex life with your partner, find the partner that fits your physical needs.
You have to actively work on your relationship — read the Gotman’s or whatever together — or else when your emotional connection is gone so will your sex life
From the husband side… I’ve found some things that really help to make sure my wife will be in the mood for sex. I’d say this is in a list from most to least important:
Make sure I’m pulling my weight with the kids/chores
Start the foreplay early (start flirting the day before, or everyday!)
Keep the flirting/grab-assing up as often as possible
When you do get down… make sure she has fun too!
Cuddle/snuggle afterward to solidify the connection.
Keep in-shape/desirable to your partner
It’s not full proof. We’ve had our dry-spells. But I’d say most of our relationship (15yrs) we averaged close to every other day having sex.
Sex. IT is the motivation. ALL the time we hear how intimacy starts outside the bedroom and leads us there. But it works both ways; it radiates out from the sex and the connection. She is motivated and driven and energized by all the same things, and we have a compatible set of desire that fuel everything we do.
Not a day goes by that i don’t kiss her and tell her i love her several times a day. I smack her ass or grab it every time it is in reach. We are currently binging ZERO tv shows, and we laugh like idiots in bed, fuck or fall asleep immediately, cuddled together like a pair of psychos. We hold hands in public and in the car. The kids think we are insane and hate it lol.
She is my love and my partner in all things, and we prioritize sex always. It is passionate and sesnual but also rough and carnal. Treat it like a hobby; something you would invest your time in gladly and work to be better at (like golf).
I love and respect her and admire her, but i still want to hand cuff her and fuck her face until she is drooling and begging me to hold her down and pound her.
If any of us are going to make it through life together, it has to start and end with connection; that connection is a wave, not a straight line. Nothing makes it easier to come back together at the high point of contrasting waves than putting sex above the endless distraction in life.
Showing interest and even doing things not sex related can boost desire. Being focused on what she needs and how to lower her stress levels is huge. It comes down to communication and putting your partner 1st. When you both learn those strategies, sex becomes a priority because you both crave expressing that connection.
Basically you need to stay in shape, adapt to a responsive desire type of sex, read a few books about it (mating in captivity is ESSENTIAL) and have a healthy relationship where you’re communicating often and easily but you’re also leading separate lives.
Communicate. Talk about it. It’s not automatic. Speak your desires or the timing of them. Work it out between the two of you. Make time for one another. Communicate.
Have BOTH partners be people for whom sex is naturally very important to them.
It sounds way too simple — but there are so many couples out there struggling with intimacy where one of the partners is just not that curious or adventurous or excited about sex. It’s simply not that important to them. So then other things take up that space.
Marry someone who actually likes to have sex. This sounds obvious but so many men put their priorities on low body count or whatever. They end up with a woman who somehow made it to age 28 with 0-2 sexual partners and then they are shocked to realize their mediocre dickwork did not awaken some previously hidden infinite carnal hunger. Some women end up in this situation too with a guy who would rather be married to golf or video games than have sex. It’s not just men or women.
Be good at sex. I really can’t say this enough and I know men will read it and not believe it or understand it, but it’s not about penis size. It is not about penis size. It’s not about penis size. It is not even about the motion of the ocean either. It is about making a girl cum like a deranged stoat in heat before you even get near penetration and that can take up to 40 minutes of solid clit work with a toy or your tongue in a steady repetitive motion without a bunch of stupid variation or writing the alphabet. How often would you want to have sex if you didn’t get to cum ever but felt like you had to fake it to protect your partner’s fragile ego.
Prioritize actually connecting with your partner on an intimate level. Don’t just ask each other what they had for lunch and if they like game of thrones. They need to hear about your hopes and dreams and fears and deepest darkest secrets. If you cannot access those within yourself get therapy. I’m not joking.
Don’t make your partner be your parent, the only caregiver to children in the household, or your therapist. They’re your partner. You split the housework, you split the child care, you split the emotional labor.
It has nothing to do with Sex. You need to find ‘sexy’ in the partner you think you did all the things with. Have a deep conversation about feeling. DO NO. I REPEAT DO NOT once say when you do this it’s ‘unsexy’. Talk fantasies, kink, role play. It was a tough conversation to have, but after I knew I was next to someone wanting the same thing, it got sexy fast! All it took was a vibrating cock rink and a couple butt plugs. Was like we were 20 again.
I work in mental health and often speak to people about relationship dynamics in my sessions. (I’m a gay man for what it is worth, so this is just what I often hear from female service users.)
Women resent often being the one ‘in charge’ of all things kids and domestics. We live in a world now where it is the norm for both partners to work full time yet men often seem to think that it is mainly the woman’s job to clean cook and look after kids. Even subconsciously. Many heterosexual couples have an unbalanced dynamic when it comes to this realm. Men either avoid or need to be asked every single time do to chores or admin or kinds stuff. Leaving the woman with not only the work to do itself but the mental stress of having to organise/run the house and all the schedules of children.
This is my tip: men if you want a good sex life with your partner. Tidy without being asked, be aware of what needs to be done to run your home, do not treat look after your own children like a chore or babysitting.
It sounds dumb but get in tuned with your partner. What are thing that get them going. For example, my wife loves it when I am doing yard work or when I give her non-sexual massages.
If you’re a dude, do some house chores. Idk why it works so well, but it does. If she doesn’t feel like home is her work place, you’re like 10x more likely to get laid
Don’t stop flirting either. I’ve been with my girl for years, and we still flirt, joke and tease and all that stuff we did when we were a love struck new couple. Otherwise you end up a “life partner” and not a lover
Don’t let yourself go either, your partner wanted to bang the person they met. If you don’t look like that person anymore, they might still love you and all, but sex isn’t going to be near as appealing
it’s going to go up and down depending on what phase of your life you’re in. Don’t expect a lot of sex right after kids or while they’re still very little. once you hit your 40s, at least for me, it’s still frequent but more sporadic. might be twice a week, once a week, once every two weeks. twice a month.
If you’re in the mood, engage! Whether you’re the one who tends to not engage or not. It can be a HUGE turn on when the one who normally waits to be engaged engages the activity.
Explore kinks that you may not think you’re into. You really don’t know until you try.
Don’t be afraid of toys. Especially if you’re playing around with restriction/CNC/light BDSM.
My husband puts a lot of effort into making me feel appreciated, beautiful, and loved. We set aside time weekly. I hate to brag but I’m 11 years into this relationship and I have never had this kind of a sex life. It’s pretty great. We have a 3 and 5 year old too.
My wife’s libido really plummeted after having kids which is understandable, so I just make the most of the times when she is in the mood. It’ll usually last a week every 2-3 months
Depends on the relationship. I am creeping into deadbedroom territory. Have been together for over 20 years and married.for 10. We have had a significant increase in stress and drama, not between us though. Have had lots of communication about it but nothing changes. I am nearly at the end of my rope. We have 2 kids together but also just feel either no or a lack of intimacy.
I’ve come to realize in the 14 years of being together, that if I as a man don’t actively initiate and get things going, we would never have sex. Unfortunately it’s maybe once a week at this point, if I feel like it. Cause I know she will never spark the moment. Good luck.
We’re intentional and we talk about it – try to plan things/nights. We have 3 kids under 12 and have been together 18+ years, it’s always busy, but we make the time.
My wife and I have the same sex drive, and both are really high.
We both recognize that frequent sex helps with mental health and happiness both individually and together, so we made an agreement to keep our frequency up.
We have regular dates where we (openly and honestly) discuss our sexual relationship. No arguing, no blaming, no criticizing, no judging. Here’s what I want/need, there’s what you want/need, let’s make the ends meet. Things change and evolve. We update.
We are both open to exploring whatever the other wants. We’ve discussed our boundaries and limits. We encourage each other to throw our weirdness out there.
We are both committed to filling whatever role/fantasy the other has. If she called me right now and said Bob Ross is sexy, id stop on the way home and get an afro wig, bell bottoms, paint, and brushes. Then I’d be smearing happy little accidents all over her tonight. She’d do the same.
A sexual relationship doesn’t exist in a vacuum. We flirt and tease through messages all day. I could message her certain things right now and i guarantee she’d attack me as soon as I walked in the door.
Non sexual needs often affect sex drive. I’ll do the dishes every now and then and she doesn’t bother me while I’m tinkering on my project car.
We’ve been doing this for 20 years and have never lost frequency or enthusiasm.
It all starts and ends with conversations. Take her out, get her drunk, and lay that shit out on the table.
Make time for each other… like seriously life will get in the way if you let it and one of the toughest things you can do is say “No. I’m not going to prioritize my job. I’m not going to prioritize cleaning the house. I’m not going to focus on anything but my partner.”.
Unfortunately a lot of people forget to prioritize their loved ones once they know that they’ll always be around. If you’re looking for a reason not to have sex then you’ll always find one.
Stay reasonably fit and you’ll both remain attractive. Have a schedule for possible times and not-so-good times. Ask your partner what feels good. 40+ years
Marry someone who likes to have sex with you as much as you like to have it with them. If sex wasn’t good before marriage, it won’t improve magically after.
Stress can be a libido killer: manage your time and energy well so both of you have some time and energy for each other. That means deprioritizing other things to spend some time with your partner.
-Love and appreciate your partner.
‘
-Be open about your wants and needs.
-Remember, there will be highs and lows. Its hard to have a good sex life when other areas of the relationship are struggling. Make sure to fix those issues.
-Avoid porn. Play games together.
-Make your partner your wallpaper on electronic devices. Think about them often.
-Talk about sex. Sext, leave erotic notes, drawings, etc.
-Focus on your health, stay hydrated, and take vitamins, supplements, or pills if needed.
-Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
-Masturbate and oral with your partner. Orgasm in different ways and locations.
When my partner and I dated, we had sex every day. After kids and 10 years together, it went to once a week. We started doing most of these things, and now, after 14 years together, we have sex pretty much every day and it’s the best sex we have ever had.
Communication. Take time for each other, even if the kids are small; especially if the kids are small. My ex wife and I never took timetogether after the kids were born. We never went anywhere without the kids. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best thing.
Second, make time for each other. Showing interest in your best friend and letting them know you have them on your mind goes a long way and helps them feel wanted.
It’s little things like this that can keep the relationship alive and thriving.
Im single but from what I’ve seen many people assume that your love life and life in general needs to be changed instantly when you get married but that isn’t the case. Just keep loving your SO the way you always have
Communicate with your partner when you’re in the mood. Do stuff to ensure that the mood is easier for both of yall to get into. For example, if your partner does the bulk of the housework, do some housework so they have time to relax and not think about all the chores they need to do. Please don’t contribute to your partner’s household tasks with the expectation of sex as a reward though (obviously). Compliment your spouse regularly and build up their confidence. Initiate but accept their choice to not have sex with grace and respect. It usually has nothing to do with you, maybe they’re not feeling well or are too tired to think about sex in that moment. Make time for you and your partner to hang out as a couple and also prioritize alone time for each of you. Flirt with them but ask them honestly how they feel about public displays of affection, butt slaps, groping, sexualized comments, etc. Everyone has different comfort levels with those forms of affection.
Source: SAHM with an active sex life and a husband I love dearly and am very attracted to after five years of marriage, a toddler, and a ton of health issues.
When a man and a woman like each other or two women like each other or two men then sometimes when they’re alone they do this thing and it’s a good thing it’s healthy that’s good for you here you go just like that
Look after your fitness and weight.
Not only will you be more attractive to her, you’ll prompt her to follow suit. That’s what we call a positive feedback loop.
Flirt.
Don’t wait until she’s getting ready for bed to start. Flirting is a long run game. Start that morning.
Never stop dating her.
Give her boyfriend energy, and you can then and only then expect girlfriend energy in return.
If you never take her anywhere, she won’t take you anywhere (if you catch my drift).
Grow and evolve
Ever get tired of the same old from your wife? Guess what- she does from you too.
Get a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Surprise her, and you’ll interest her.
Say No
Not to sex, dummy. Say no to things you want to say no to. She’ll respect you more than if you kiss her butt. She wants someone to contend with, not a sycophant. Don’t be the nonstop “sorry honey” husband. Trust, they don’t like it. They want the fight. They want a little drama. They want to feel like they fought to get their way.
When something is a non-negotiable boundary for you, don’t bend. When something is easy to say yes to, do the easy thing and say yes.
As a default, be kind and nice – but not weak.
It takes practice, and the occasional night in the couch. Worth it. Mane won’t say sorry probably, but she might bring you coffee and sit on your lap. On balance, I’ll take it. You should too.
Be generous in bed.
Want her to be excited? Let her expect an orgasm or three, rather than 5 minutes if you huffing and puffing on top of her.
Listen to her
She’s not a guy. She doesn’t usually come to you with problems looking for a solution. That’s what we do. She just wants you to commiserate. So do that.
To be honest, it’s way easier than coming up with a solution anyway. So do the easy thing.
At the very least, if you follow these steps you’ll know you aren’t the problem. More likely, you’ll see benefit from all this.
Yes, women are a lot of work – but so are we.
Be a good partner.
I see a ton of comments here making the OP feel bad for asking this question. They’re waxing poetic about how much they workout and how attractive they are and that they are doing everything right and thus, having sex multiple times a week. Well, great for them. Don’t let this drown you in misery because marital sex doesn’t just depends upon a person’s attractiveness or self care. Often after having kids a woman’s libido tanks horribly. Hormonal changes and demands on both parents from the kids and if you throw in job and financial stresses into the mix, it’s a recipe for disaster for any sort of mood setting. One way forward is to continue to gently bring focus back on each other’s physical needs, communicate about this as much as possible and trying your best to make the environment more conducive for it. So if that involves hiring a babysitter more often or taking help from grandparents to watch kids for the weekend, etc. take that help asap. Also pre menopause does not help matters at all. So one has to be careful around that dynamic too. Exercise certainly helps but it has to be consistent. Take it easy on yourself. Chalk out at least one day a week when you both make it a point to enjoy a drink or two with a good movie after the kids have been put to bed and then you try to get into it. Marriage and parenting can be extremely crushing especially if one or two or your kids are spirited children with strong personalities and needs. So give yourself grace and know that you’re not alone in this battle of completely eroded sex life. But ensure that you and your spouse are keeping an eye on each others needs and not letting yourselves drown completely in the daily rigmaroles that you just become two ships passing in the night going through the motions and totally losing track of what brought you both together.
Frankly, you should discuss it with your partner. Tell them how you feel and what you expect from your sex life. Ask your partner if they are satisfied. If not, what could bring satisfaction for both parties ? Are you still attracted to each other?
We aren’t married yet but friends for 16 years dating almost 3 years. We have a “schedule” for the most part it consists of weekends alternating who’s responsible for initiating. Either of us has the right to deny of course. But it helps take he “work” out of a wanted form of stress relief and emotional physical contact
Comments
It’s not that hard
Have sex
There are plenty of people that have gone through a rough Is time in a previous relationship. I would think most of these people don’t want to marry again or if they do they want to go very very very slowly but still want to have a relationship of some kind that includes sex.
I would ask yourself what your barrier is And what would need to happen for the barrier to be removed.
Well we take our clothes off and then have the sex and then basically just do that as frequently as we want
By Wanting to have sex (you’d be suprised) and fitting it in when you can
Stay in shape
Get rid of the beer gut
Be a sexable person
Being able to have open communication and say your feelings about it.
Conversely, why would marriage get in the way of sex?
Make sure your wife doesn’t find out!!
I’m kidding, I’m kidding
Yeah but not with your wife /s
I mean if you have to ask -your in trouble
One thing that works for us is our active lifestyle. I workout a lot and she does her own thing. We are still trying to be the attractive versions of whom we fell in love with. Working out also improves your mental well being and also perhaps your sex drive. We also do activities together that help us bond well
Have lots of great, varied, spicy, risk-taking, daring sex. And make sure to tell your spouse about it so they don’t feel left out.
KEEP FUCKING!!!!!
Have you tried being fuckable?
Marriage counseling and therapy…
AMPs are good
Fuck ur wife
After marriage?!? There should never be an issue.
After kids, now that’s tricky
By finding someone you’re attracted to
Marry the right person. Marry the person who matches your level of sexual needs/wants (amongst the 1000’s of other reasons to factor in prior to getting married).
Most men marry a woman who is about 70% sexually compatible with them and they settle thinking it will get better… News flash, it won’t. People who settle resent their partners years down the road for a myriad of reasons.
If you want a nice, long, happy and healthy sex life with your partner, find the partner that fits your physical needs.
You have to actively work on your relationship — read the Gotman’s or whatever together — or else when your emotional connection is gone so will your sex life
From the husband side… I’ve found some things that really help to make sure my wife will be in the mood for sex. I’d say this is in a list from most to least important:
It’s not full proof. We’ve had our dry-spells. But I’d say most of our relationship (15yrs) we averaged close to every other day having sex.
Make sure your hormone levels are in check
Sex. IT is the motivation. ALL the time we hear how intimacy starts outside the bedroom and leads us there. But it works both ways; it radiates out from the sex and the connection. She is motivated and driven and energized by all the same things, and we have a compatible set of desire that fuel everything we do.
Not a day goes by that i don’t kiss her and tell her i love her several times a day. I smack her ass or grab it every time it is in reach. We are currently binging ZERO tv shows, and we laugh like idiots in bed, fuck or fall asleep immediately, cuddled together like a pair of psychos. We hold hands in public and in the car. The kids think we are insane and hate it lol.
She is my love and my partner in all things, and we prioritize sex always. It is passionate and sesnual but also rough and carnal. Treat it like a hobby; something you would invest your time in gladly and work to be better at (like golf).
I love and respect her and admire her, but i still want to hand cuff her and fuck her face until she is drooling and begging me to hold her down and pound her.
If any of us are going to make it through life together, it has to start and end with connection; that connection is a wave, not a straight line. Nothing makes it easier to come back together at the high point of contrasting waves than putting sex above the endless distraction in life.
What a weird question. Why would marriage change anything about your sex life
communicate!!
Scheduling is one way. We have to make sure to set time for each other, whether it’s dates, watching tv, and booty time too lol
Mix it up, there are so many options. If that doesn’t work you have different levels of sex drive and that ends relationships.
Showing interest and even doing things not sex related can boost desire. Being focused on what she needs and how to lower her stress levels is huge. It comes down to communication and putting your partner 1st. When you both learn those strategies, sex becomes a priority because you both crave expressing that connection.
Communication communication
Make sure to spice it up and get out of that comfort zone…like the old saying “a ship is safest in a harbor, but that’s not why the ship was made”
Basically you need to stay in shape, adapt to a responsive desire type of sex, read a few books about it (mating in captivity is ESSENTIAL) and have a healthy relationship where you’re communicating often and easily but you’re also leading separate lives.
Damn.. all these cheating comments are vile
Dont have kids
Communicate. Talk about it. It’s not automatic. Speak your desires or the timing of them. Work it out between the two of you. Make time for one another. Communicate.
Have sex with your wife
Don’t make children
Communicate and try to improve your sex life
You gotta flirt with yo wife
Have BOTH partners be people for whom sex is naturally very important to them.
It sounds way too simple — but there are so many couples out there struggling with intimacy where one of the partners is just not that curious or adventurous or excited about sex. It’s simply not that important to them. So then other things take up that space.
Marry someone who actually likes to have sex. This sounds obvious but so many men put their priorities on low body count or whatever. They end up with a woman who somehow made it to age 28 with 0-2 sexual partners and then they are shocked to realize their mediocre dickwork did not awaken some previously hidden infinite carnal hunger. Some women end up in this situation too with a guy who would rather be married to golf or video games than have sex. It’s not just men or women.
Be good at sex. I really can’t say this enough and I know men will read it and not believe it or understand it, but it’s not about penis size. It is not about penis size. It’s not about penis size. It is not even about the motion of the ocean either. It is about making a girl cum like a deranged stoat in heat before you even get near penetration and that can take up to 40 minutes of solid clit work with a toy or your tongue in a steady repetitive motion without a bunch of stupid variation or writing the alphabet. How often would you want to have sex if you didn’t get to cum ever but felt like you had to fake it to protect your partner’s fragile ego.
Prioritize actually connecting with your partner on an intimate level. Don’t just ask each other what they had for lunch and if they like game of thrones. They need to hear about your hopes and dreams and fears and deepest darkest secrets. If you cannot access those within yourself get therapy. I’m not joking.
Don’t make your partner be your parent, the only caregiver to children in the household, or your therapist. They’re your partner. You split the housework, you split the child care, you split the emotional labor.
We’ve been trying for a baby for 2 years now. So having an active sex life is kinda required
That…and I find her incredibly attractive
After marriage? Easy. After kids? .. ???
Honestly, just communication.
Sit down and talk about it. Rediscover old interests and ignite new ones. What do you want from each other, what do you need and what does she need.
You could have a date night, cook her a meal, and then fill out a kink list and compare or a yes/no/maybe list and just have fun.
Flirt throughout the day.
It can be simple, but simple can be easy or hard, just have to work at it together.
Good luck!
It’s work just like every other aspect of a successful relationship
It has nothing to do with Sex. You need to find ‘sexy’ in the partner you think you did all the things with. Have a deep conversation about feeling. DO NO. I REPEAT DO NOT once say when you do this it’s ‘unsexy’. Talk fantasies, kink, role play. It was a tough conversation to have, but after I knew I was next to someone wanting the same thing, it got sexy fast! All it took was a vibrating cock rink and a couple butt plugs. Was like we were 20 again.
I work in mental health and often speak to people about relationship dynamics in my sessions. (I’m a gay man for what it is worth, so this is just what I often hear from female service users.)
Women resent often being the one ‘in charge’ of all things kids and domestics. We live in a world now where it is the norm for both partners to work full time yet men often seem to think that it is mainly the woman’s job to clean cook and look after kids. Even subconsciously. Many heterosexual couples have an unbalanced dynamic when it comes to this realm. Men either avoid or need to be asked every single time do to chores or admin or kinds stuff. Leaving the woman with not only the work to do itself but the mental stress of having to organise/run the house and all the schedules of children.
This is my tip: men if you want a good sex life with your partner. Tidy without being asked, be aware of what needs to be done to run your home, do not treat look after your own children like a chore or babysitting.
Do sexy shit.
It sounds dumb but get in tuned with your partner. What are thing that get them going. For example, my wife loves it when I am doing yard work or when I give her non-sexual massages.
Love and communicate each other. Sex is part of love.
I have a penis. She has a vagina. It sort of works itself out if you wiggle around enough.
Marry the right partner, that’s the hard part tho
If you’re a dude, do some house chores. Idk why it works so well, but it does. If she doesn’t feel like home is her work place, you’re like 10x more likely to get laid
Don’t stop flirting either. I’ve been with my girl for years, and we still flirt, joke and tease and all that stuff we did when we were a love struck new couple. Otherwise you end up a “life partner” and not a lover
Don’t let yourself go either, your partner wanted to bang the person they met. If you don’t look like that person anymore, they might still love you and all, but sex isn’t going to be near as appealing
it’s going to go up and down depending on what phase of your life you’re in. Don’t expect a lot of sex right after kids or while they’re still very little. once you hit your 40s, at least for me, it’s still frequent but more sporadic. might be twice a week, once a week, once every two weeks. twice a month.
Try new things in bed
I pull my own weight as far as chores go.
Be into what they’re into, don’t always be looking for what you get out of it. Also someone please tell my wife this.
Keep dating each other.
We love having sex so we have sex. Works great.
If you’re in the mood, engage! Whether you’re the one who tends to not engage or not. It can be a HUGE turn on when the one who normally waits to be engaged engages the activity.
Explore kinks that you may not think you’re into. You really don’t know until you try.
Don’t be afraid of toys. Especially if you’re playing around with restriction/CNC/light BDSM.
Schedule it and never break the schedule and if you absolutely have to break it reschedule it.
Schedule it.
Have simple date nights.
Stay active and fit.
Be nice throughout the day and give a massage every once and a while.
Learn how to communicate properly. Love each other, understand each others boundaries and make an effort
Exercise regularly, please your wife, make her happy, she will make you happy.
My husband puts a lot of effort into making me feel appreciated, beautiful, and loved. We set aside time weekly. I hate to brag but I’m 11 years into this relationship and I have never had this kind of a sex life. It’s pretty great. We have a 3 and 5 year old too.
My wife’s libido really plummeted after having kids which is understandable, so I just make the most of the times when she is in the mood. It’ll usually last a week every 2-3 months
Sex on Friday and Saturday nights.
Don’t have children. (I love my children but they make sex happen less frequently)
Don’t have kids.
Effort and intention.
Ask your wife
Marry the right person
Don’t be me
You just gotta keep pounding away. . .
Depends on the relationship. I am creeping into deadbedroom territory. Have been together for over 20 years and married.for 10. We have had a significant increase in stress and drama, not between us though. Have had lots of communication about it but nothing changes. I am nearly at the end of my rope. We have 2 kids together but also just feel either no or a lack of intimacy.
I’ve come to realize in the 14 years of being together, that if I as a man don’t actively initiate and get things going, we would never have sex. Unfortunately it’s maybe once a week at this point, if I feel like it. Cause I know she will never spark the moment. Good luck.
We’re intentional and we talk about it – try to plan things/nights. We have 3 kids under 12 and have been together 18+ years, it’s always busy, but we make the time.
Being a bunch of dirt squirrels together.
Have a lock on the master bedroom door
Let me tell you a secret… come closer
You listening?
ROLEPLAYYYYY
Make the kids play outside. Beneficial for everyone.
After marriage is easy. After a child is more difficult but with dating apps it’s easier
Be in a marriage where both people have the same level of interest, and that level of interest > 0 🙂
We’ve been doing this for 20 years and have never lost frequency or enthusiasm.
It all starts and ends with conversations. Take her out, get her drunk, and lay that shit out on the table.
Make time for each other… like seriously life will get in the way if you let it and one of the toughest things you can do is say “No. I’m not going to prioritize my job. I’m not going to prioritize cleaning the house. I’m not going to focus on anything but my partner.”.
Unfortunately a lot of people forget to prioritize their loved ones once they know that they’ll always be around. If you’re looking for a reason not to have sex then you’ll always find one.
Do it yourself
Make sure you marry someone with a similar sex drive
Stay reasonably fit and you’ll both remain attractive. Have a schedule for possible times and not-so-good times. Ask your partner what feels good. 40+ years
You never have kids.
Marry someone who likes to have sex with you as much as you like to have it with them. If sex wasn’t good before marriage, it won’t improve magically after.
Stress can be a libido killer: manage your time and energy well so both of you have some time and energy for each other. That means deprioritizing other things to spend some time with your partner.
-Love and appreciate your partner.
‘
-Be open about your wants and needs.
-Remember, there will be highs and lows. Its hard to have a good sex life when other areas of the relationship are struggling. Make sure to fix those issues.
-Avoid porn. Play games together.
-Make your partner your wallpaper on electronic devices. Think about them often.
-Talk about sex. Sext, leave erotic notes, drawings, etc.
-Focus on your health, stay hydrated, and take vitamins, supplements, or pills if needed.
-Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
-Masturbate and oral with your partner. Orgasm in different ways and locations.
When my partner and I dated, we had sex every day. After kids and 10 years together, it went to once a week. We started doing most of these things, and now, after 14 years together, we have sex pretty much every day and it’s the best sex we have ever had.
Me and my partner just got engaged after 12 years together, is this something I need to be concerned about…..should I cancel the wedding?!
The marriage wasn’t the problem. The kid sleeping in our bed was.
My wife is a horndog. That’s how.
You keep having sex?
Continue to date after marriage.
Not, like, other people. Your spouse. Continue to treat marriage like you’re in the courting phase.
Idk man we just like each other and having sex is fun.
Communication. Take time for each other, even if the kids are small; especially if the kids are small. My ex wife and I never took timetogether after the kids were born. We never went anywhere without the kids. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best thing.
Wife “I’m hungry”
Me “ we should have sex before we eat “
Wife “ …. Yeah take your pants off”
And that’s about most of our conversation go
Wife” i can’t sleep”
Me “we should have sex, you Sleep better usually after sex “
Wife “Yeah take off your pants “
Communication is everything.
Second, make time for each other. Showing interest in your best friend and letting them know you have them on your mind goes a long way and helps them feel wanted.
It’s little things like this that can keep the relationship alive and thriving.
Don’t have kids
Try new things in bed 😌
Im single but from what I’ve seen many people assume that your love life and life in general needs to be changed instantly when you get married but that isn’t the case. Just keep loving your SO the way you always have
Search for new morbidities in common….
Be honest about the nasty shit you both watch when you’re alone.
Don’t have children
Without separation there is no need for reunion.
When I pass my wife in the hall, I yell “fuck you” and she yells “fuck you too”
That’s how we do it.
Normalize pillow talk
Text, whenever you have the chance, during day (the dirtier the better)
Marry someone you actually like.
Communicate with your partner when you’re in the mood. Do stuff to ensure that the mood is easier for both of yall to get into. For example, if your partner does the bulk of the housework, do some housework so they have time to relax and not think about all the chores they need to do. Please don’t contribute to your partner’s household tasks with the expectation of sex as a reward though (obviously). Compliment your spouse regularly and build up their confidence. Initiate but accept their choice to not have sex with grace and respect. It usually has nothing to do with you, maybe they’re not feeling well or are too tired to think about sex in that moment. Make time for you and your partner to hang out as a couple and also prioritize alone time for each of you. Flirt with them but ask them honestly how they feel about public displays of affection, butt slaps, groping, sexualized comments, etc. Everyone has different comfort levels with those forms of affection.
Source: SAHM with an active sex life and a husband I love dearly and am very attracted to after five years of marriage, a toddler, and a ton of health issues.
Adultery.
Don’t have kids lol
When a man and a woman like each other or two women like each other or two men then sometimes when they’re alone they do this thing and it’s a good thing it’s healthy that’s good for you here you go just like that
✨smut✨
Not
Look after your fitness and weight.
Not only will you be more attractive to her, you’ll prompt her to follow suit. That’s what we call a positive feedback loop.
Flirt.
Don’t wait until she’s getting ready for bed to start. Flirting is a long run game. Start that morning.
Never stop dating her.
Give her boyfriend energy, and you can then and only then expect girlfriend energy in return.
If you never take her anywhere, she won’t take you anywhere (if you catch my drift).
Grow and evolve
Ever get tired of the same old from your wife? Guess what- she does from you too.
Get a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Surprise her, and you’ll interest her.
Say No
Not to sex, dummy. Say no to things you want to say no to. She’ll respect you more than if you kiss her butt. She wants someone to contend with, not a sycophant. Don’t be the nonstop “sorry honey” husband. Trust, they don’t like it. They want the fight. They want a little drama. They want to feel like they fought to get their way.
When something is a non-negotiable boundary for you, don’t bend. When something is easy to say yes to, do the easy thing and say yes.
As a default, be kind and nice – but not weak.
It takes practice, and the occasional night in the couch. Worth it. Mane won’t say sorry probably, but she might bring you coffee and sit on your lap. On balance, I’ll take it. You should too.
Be generous in bed.
Want her to be excited? Let her expect an orgasm or three, rather than 5 minutes if you huffing and puffing on top of her.
Listen to her
She’s not a guy. She doesn’t usually come to you with problems looking for a solution. That’s what we do. She just wants you to commiserate. So do that.
To be honest, it’s way easier than coming up with a solution anyway. So do the easy thing.
At the very least, if you follow these steps you’ll know you aren’t the problem. More likely, you’ll see benefit from all this.
Yes, women are a lot of work – but so are we.
Be a good partner.
r/deadbedrooms
after you got married, or after the marriage?
I see a ton of comments here making the OP feel bad for asking this question. They’re waxing poetic about how much they workout and how attractive they are and that they are doing everything right and thus, having sex multiple times a week. Well, great for them. Don’t let this drown you in misery because marital sex doesn’t just depends upon a person’s attractiveness or self care. Often after having kids a woman’s libido tanks horribly. Hormonal changes and demands on both parents from the kids and if you throw in job and financial stresses into the mix, it’s a recipe for disaster for any sort of mood setting. One way forward is to continue to gently bring focus back on each other’s physical needs, communicate about this as much as possible and trying your best to make the environment more conducive for it. So if that involves hiring a babysitter more often or taking help from grandparents to watch kids for the weekend, etc. take that help asap. Also pre menopause does not help matters at all. So one has to be careful around that dynamic too. Exercise certainly helps but it has to be consistent. Take it easy on yourself. Chalk out at least one day a week when you both make it a point to enjoy a drink or two with a good movie after the kids have been put to bed and then you try to get into it. Marriage and parenting can be extremely crushing especially if one or two or your kids are spirited children with strong personalities and needs. So give yourself grace and know that you’re not alone in this battle of completely eroded sex life. But ensure that you and your spouse are keeping an eye on each others needs and not letting yourselves drown completely in the daily rigmaroles that you just become two ships passing in the night going through the motions and totally losing track of what brought you both together.
Frankly, you should discuss it with your partner. Tell them how you feel and what you expect from your sex life. Ask your partner if they are satisfied. If not, what could bring satisfaction for both parties ? Are you still attracted to each other?
We aren’t married yet but friends for 16 years dating almost 3 years. We have a “schedule” for the most part it consists of weekends alternating who’s responsible for initiating. Either of us has the right to deny of course. But it helps take he “work” out of a wanted form of stress relief and emotional physical contact