Therapists always hear your side of the story and they will always empathise with you, but how do you know you are a shitty person?
How do you know you are a toxic person?
r/AskWomen
Therapists always hear your side of the story and they will always empathise with you, but how do you know you are a shitty person?
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If you’re unable to keep long-term (non-romantic) relationships. There can be other explanations, but they pretty much always point to some kind of social dysfunction, whether it’s being toxic or something else.
You constantly blame others for your problems, never taking real accountability.
You manipulate or guilt-trip people to get your way.
You’re hypercritical, but can’t handle criticism yourself.
You make people feel small or insecure, even if unintentionally.
You’re always the victim in every story you tell even when you hurt others.
You sabotage relationships and then wonder why people pull away.
You lie, gaslight, or twist facts to protect your ego.
What makes you ask this question ? is there an example like losing friends/ partner ?
Honestly I think we’re all toxic to some degree, some more than others. The difference lies in wanting to change, to be better, and actively working on it. Those who are very toxic either believe there’s nothing wrong with them and therefore see no need to improve, or they are aware and simply don’t care
By not just telling your side of the story 🌟
Therapists are supposed to give you unconditional positive regard (not the same as enabling you) so, assuming they’re capable and a good fit, they’re the last people you should be telling a half-truth around.
Why assume their assessment of you is wrong? Or that you manipulated them? Is it because they haven’t met your metrics of an unbiased listener, such as showing enough cynicism, asking enough questions, doing active listening? Or is it because your metrics are only quasi-rational, and you would continue to compulsively insist you’re a toxic person regardless of how that’s been repeatedly debunked?
Someone who is a “hard hang” or toxic is less likely to be invited to do things. If you find people initially are close and then drift away once they get to know you, you could be putting off a toxic vibe.
Everyone is toxic in some way, and it’s up to us to be aware of that. But if you keep projecting your own personal problems on others, when you self-sabotage, when you make everything about yourself and your life, that’s when you’re toxic. Your personal history is not a reason to be toxic to others, that’s your responsibility.
A good therapist will guide you into realizing your own BS.
When people tend to distance themselves once they truly get to know who you are.
You might be toxic if people feel drained around you, you blame others, dismiss feelings, repeat conflicts, or can’t take criticism.
it depends on how self-aware you are. We are all toxic to some degree.
Try group therapy.
Also, my therapists challenge me.
By not being willing to change or improve! Because we all have flaws and it is how we recognize them, accept them, and actively strive to be better! Learn from mistakes and not repeat them!
My mom complained to her therapist about her adult kids. Her therapist pointed out to her that the common thread of her 4 kid’s issues was… her. My mom then came to me, one of her kids to vent about what her therapist said. She lacked the self awareness to notice she was admitting to me that she was complaining to her therapist about me. Truly toxic people lack that self awareness.
I think if you are even asking yourself this question and definitely if you are worried about it, then most likely you are not a toxic person. 🌈
Personally, I feel like defining people as toxic or shitty isn’t super helpful. What’s more helpful is asking yourself three questions:
“Is my behavior in this circumstance fair and kind?” Are you behaving in a way you think is fair and that you believe you should? If your behavior is fair and kind, you’re probably not being toxic in this instance. But if not…
“Is this unkind behavior part of a dynamic with this person?” Do you both have a repeating dynamic that regularly results in you behaving in an unkind way (maybe because this person is also treating you in an unkind way, or because they have a kind but annoying quality that brings out this unkindness in you)? If so, you don’t need to figure out who is the “toxic one”. You should correct that dynamic, or get out of that relationship. And finally…
“Is this dynamic specific to this one person, or does this dynamic repeat with different people throughout my life?” In an isolated incident, with an isolated person, you might be falling into a pattern of cruelty that has more to do with them than to you, that you don’t repeat in your other relationships. But if it is something that repeats throughout your life, you might have some trauma or some personality characteristics that you need to examine or address, because they’re forming these patterns of unkind dynamics throughout your life.
Everything in your world is drama, you don’t have any close friends, nothing is EVER your fault, people don’t want to hang out with you, stop inviting you to things, you can dish it but you can’t take it (teasing people or pointing out flaws), you steer every conversation to be about you, exaggerate things, gossip about your friends… just to name a few things.
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I know a lot shitty people who think they are innocent of everything they do….
I tell them.
Heck my friends told me straight up when I was younger and it straightened me out.
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Probably… like if I had a partner and they’re experienced already in kissing and stuff like that I’d get jealous of the past relationships they might’ve had.
Even though obviously they’re with me, my mind would still wander to the things they might’ve done w a past lover. Odd to think about, I know. But I don’t think I’d ever be able to help it
Road rage, impatience, EXTREMELY competitive, disrespectful, entitled, lying, not respecting others time, dismissive of others feeling, emotions and opinions these are good things to evaluate.
It took my mother telling me off about my attitude for me to realize I was slowly turning into this ugly person nobody would want to hang out with.
To be honest, in the right (or wrong) environment, we can all be toxic. If you have empathy, compassion, and care about how you make other people feel then you’re good. We all sometimes slip up and do weird things.
real toxicity is usually total lack of self-awareness. some signs i’ve noticed in myself when i wasn’t at my best: constantly blaming others, never apologizing, making people feel drained after being around me. if friends/partners keep giving you the same feedback, that’s usually a red flag too. therapy can help but listening to how ppl react to you day-to-day is just as telling.
To me, being truly toxic is when someone keeps hurting others and doesn’t even bother to reflect or change. You’re already doing the opposite.
For what I saw, it tend to be a person who lack awareness, emotional intelligence, emotional maturity, an unhealthy confidence, unhealthy pride, unhealthy ego.
I personally base myself on that, if I see that I start checking one of the boxes, I automatically know that it’s time to work on it.