I have posted before, and finally through the community decided to leave. This man has been a plague on my existence, but I love his kids and it’s difficult for me to imagine losing contact with them, which is ultimately why I have stayed with a dude who makes me think I’m fat, unattractive, poor, and immature even though I was the leader and sometimes founder of every group throughout my undergrad and masters, won national awards for music performance, and am now a highly regarded software and web developer in my area making decent money (of course, he thinks I should be making more but I’m addicted to non-profits).
And he is an author, podcaster, and highly regarded therapist on sex and relationships. Go figure. We haven’t had sex in 3 months and he charges like $250 for his hour.
I’m done. I’m out. I can’t do it.
But rent? My girl, it’s like $1500 no matter where I look. And how the hell do you maintain a relationship with another man’s kids?
Don’t troll me. Don’t criticize me. Help me.
Thank you for your attention to this matter. How the hell do y’all be leaving this???!?
PS. Dating for 8 years, living together for 4 in his house
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
>And how the hell do you maintain a relationship with another man’s kids?
I’m sorry but unless they are old enough to contact you on their own, you don’t.
Also – how do y’all deal with the aftermath? Should I quietly leave? I’m afraid he’s going to say shit that will fuck me up for years to come if I try to argue with him. I just kinda want to leave. Boop. He’s out in LA for a conference or some shit and BOOP he comes back, my shit’s gone
You just leave. Find a place, sign a lease, pack your stuff, and go. Block him going forward. No contact.
The kids, you do not get to maintain those relationships unless they are old enough to contact you if they want to. Even then, that’s pretty messy and probably not a good idea if they are not independent adults.
Just go.
Make sure your money is in your own account that he can’t access. Gather all your important documents. Cut expenses as much as possible. Line up a place to go and be free. If you don’t have a therapist, it might be a good idea to get one to help you plan and recover once you’re out of
How much money do you make? $1500 is low where I’m at. Have you considered getting a place with someone else or renting a room? Facebook marketplace sometimes has cheaper options, and places listed on Nextdoor do too.
Regardless, it’s likely worth paying that rather than staying with him.
Here’s context, you were fine before him and you will be fine after him. Start saving in stealth manner into a savings account. Even if it’s nominal amount just start throwing money in there. You’re going to have to let go of the kids, I understand that you’re emotionally involved but you’re going to have to let go of that and put yourself first. Once you have enough money, you may have to move in with roommates, or go to studio apartment. You can do this, you just have to strategize, and be independent like you once were. Once you have all of this done, you just simply move out, if you’re scared then do it when he is around, do it on a weekend or time where you know that he’s not around. It is that easy and that difficult to do. If he is this manipulative to where he has a following, you may want to protect yourself and put up some cameras that record him being abusive to you. That’s a super easy to do, if you don’t know how to do it, then it’s money well spent for you to have somebody else do it for you when you know that he’s not around. That’s your insurance
Oh man. Give us a clue as to what podcasts not to listen to. This guy is not qualified to give advice.
Sorry you are going through this.