How do you let go of a false idealized perception and really internalize the ick factors and red flags in a person?
How do you let go of a false idealized perception and really internalize the ick factors and red flags in a person?
r/AskWomen
How do you let go of a false idealized perception and really internalize the ick factors and red flags in a person?
Comments
[removed]
See it as it is. Are you liking their potential or what they’re actually showing you? People show their best in the early stages. If you already don’t like what you see, it’s only gonna become worse. Do you want to deal with that for months on end?
Reality will chip away and remove the idealised version of someone
It can take time. For me, it definitely has in the past. You also have to remember the facts, and put them over feelings. Yes, this person made you feel a certain way at some point, but they showed their true colors over time. What you thought existed just doesn’t exist. Think about how those red flags make you feel.
Being self-aware and self-reflective helps. I’m a therapist, and so I believe in processing through therapy. What do you get from this person (both good and bad, as well as neutral)? How would you describe them to a friend? If you have any hesitation about introducing them to your friends, why? Really try to set your emotions aside and be objective if you can.
[removed]
This is quite unconventional but asking for advice in a sub opened my eyes to what kind of partner I was with. Reading the comments in my previous post is what wakes me up whenever I get the urge to go back😀
You gotta stop romanticizing the *potential* and focus on what they *actually did*. Make a list of the ick/red flags, read it when you miss ’em. Remind yourself: that “perfect” version was a fantasy—you built it, they didn’t live it. Facts over feels, always.
Be realistic and practical and logical about it. If I’ve created a fictionalized or idealized version of reality, I need to open my eyes and actually see the situation as what it is and recognize the choices that people make in their lives are their own responsibility. Don’t make excuses and rationalizations for their poor behavior and bad choices. Look at it honestly as though it was any other person and be realistic about what I see and experience.
[removed]
I just had this happen. The first online date where the guy actually seemed interested, until he was way too interested.
It started out fine, he was handsome, smart and charming but then he asked to kiss me, I said no and he still kissed me on the cheek. Then it was an arm around my shoulder, then it was holding my hand…on a first date.
I tried to look at it positively and did agree on a second date but in between the two, I could not shake this feeling in my gut that I was no okay with how that first date went. It was just too much, too soon, too fast.
It was confirmed for me when we went on a second date and he acted like it was already an established fact that we were going to date and be exclusive.
When I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, he acted like we were breaking up but I felt such relief. I knew I had made the right decision.
He looked good on paper, but that was it.
I didn’t fall in love with him, I fell in love with what he could be. Once I realized that, it was easier to let go. Potential isn’t about actions