I don’t mind people attacking me in the comments. I know I deserve it. I’m an abuser.
Most people have shit thrown their way and then become suicidal. Me? I caused my own problems. I feel like if it wasn’t for my kid I’d be long gone. I was jealous when I heard someone died by suicide on my local train station.
I have friends with horrible husbands and the wives are still lovely to them. Unlike me. Horrible, mean and vicious. I deserve nothing and waking up everyday and looking in the mirror makes me sick. I just hate my self. I hate what I’ve done. I’m angry at me. I’m angry at the world. It’s NOOO excuse but if it wasn’t for the cancer then we’d still be together. It’s what happened around the cancer that led me to explode. Again I’m not excusing it at all. It’s all my fault and I own that and I’m ready to just end it all for that.
Everyone else gets married and has beautiful times. I just had trial after trial. No honeymoon for us.
I lost a fantastic man. I wish I just took him for how he is. sex isn’t important it’s not like I’m having it now anyway. I absolutely hate my existence. The hell I’ve been through throughout my twenties which include having cancer, a miscarriage caused by medication I was on as I was given incorrect advice and more. Now single parenthood.
The reality is that he was a fantastic man that I knew deep down was the one for me and I’ll have to cope with seeing him with a new woman and seeing my daughter bond with said woman whilst I continue to be alone. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m sure it will.
The pros: he did a LOT for me including all chores. When things were good, they were great ( before all the trauma)
The cons: dead bedroom & his continued issue with my weight even though I lost a lot and was very slim. Unfortunately cancer meant I put quite a bit bsck on.
He initiated the divorce due to my very bad verbal abuse during pregnancy. I’m just busy watching every other friend my age moving into beautiful homes with their husband and baby having it all. The life I feel I was meant to have. I guess not. I don’t know what I did to deserve all my trauma but it’s my responsibility to react to it and I did horribly. I want to do work on my self but it won’t get him back. Almost feels pointless. What do you do when you’ve hit rock bottom and having to start over??
He did so much for me and I know he has an amazing heart I’ll never be happy again.
I know how much he loves me and I saw the love he had for me drain out of him all by my own doing.
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I see that you frequently repost this exact text. Maybe try talking to a therapist?
Shit like this does make me mad because there are abusive women getting a million chances from their husbands, boyfriends, etc, when they act like absolute demons, but I have one bad mental health day and they “want to be alone” lol what is it with you women who treat men like absolute garbage, for them to keep taking it and taking it? Yeah he’s leaving you but how long did he put up with this before he decided to? lol. Seriously, I can’t even get far enough to have a baby with someone because I’m expected to be 100% perfect all the time, and somehow you demons are abusive and still getting chance after chance. I don’t want to get away with being an absolute piece of shit, and it makes me feel bad even having a bad day let alone acting like this. Yeah, fuck y’all. Maybe I’m bitter. But it’s ridiculous. Men complain constantly about how women like “bad” men- it’s the other way around, seriously. It’s always women like you having kids and getting married and then ruining it, and it’s baffling.
It’s hard to see now but you can have it all again and better IF you feel all the feelings now and learn the lessons given to you. It will take time. Grieve properly. Own your mistakes. Work on yourself. Slowly build trust and love in yourself again by making yourself your romantic partner for now. You went through a lot without the skills and support needed and you imploded and exploded. Honestly that’s reasonable. It had ugly impacts and that’s okay — he needed to remove himself and did. But I understand how you got that way, and I forgive you. The important thing is that you absolutely learn from this. Find the support you need (therapy, spiritual guidance, whatever resonates), and learn the skills to not do it again with yourself or someone else in the future. And try to see that you’re not a monster. You were an under resourced human under duress and we are all capable of what you did. Build trust with yourself that you can react differently under stressful conditions in the future. That will lead you to forgiving and loving yourself. We all fuck up. And when we do there are consequences and lessons. You had hard ones. I’m sorry. I love you for our shared humanity and I know you can do this because humans are strong and capable of change.
You should work with a therapist.
My situation is similar. I had the great family. Great, loyal, hard working, good father for a husband. I loved him. I still love him. I will always love him. But you know, people grow and change and those paths are not always together. I will share some of my story with you. I had an affair. The haters, judge all you want. I don’t care. I was in a dead marriage. No emotional connection. Fighting for the both of us while he disassociated and played video games. He took a back seat at the start of our marriage. At first, it didn’t bother me. The longer we were together, the more stressed, burnt out, and tired I became. Top that with not feeling seen, heard, or liked by someone you spend all of your existence with….I woke up one day last year and had a mid life crisis at 31. He divorced me in October because of the affair and my inability to cut it off. I struggle with guilt daily because my kids will now never have the “traditional life”. BUT, do I want them to grow up thinking this is what marriage looks like? Barely talking to your spouse, angry at your spouse, no connection. The answer is no. I want more for them than that. So now they will have two happy homes instead of one. They will have two happy parents instead of two sad and angry ones. I hope he does find a woman that can be what he needs. I am personally taking this time to recenter myself and figure out what I want my life to look like. You have got to push those negative thoughts aside. We all deserve happiness. Don’t spiral in the depths of despair. I know it’s hard not to. Trust me! I have low days and high. My life has become remarkably harder as a single mother. But you know what….we are going to make it. YOU will make it. Diamonds are created under extreme pressure and stress. 🫶
i hit bottom and have been in/on psych hospital grounds for almost 14 weeks. i’m a mom to a little girl too.
it’s okay to go get yourself help. it’s okay that you can’t handle things alone and by yourself anymore.