I’m really struggling with loneliness. I’m 27 and, when I was younger, I had a great social life: multiple friend groups, constant social events, and always something fun going on. But now, things feel completely different.
I still have a few friends, but I only see them occasionally. I go to school one day a week and get along well with my classmates, and I also have a good connection with my coworkers, but it’s not enough. I really miss having a close friend group.
I left my previous group because the dynamic had become toxic and I didn’t enjoy being around them anymore. Now I’ve moved to a new city and find it really hard to build new, meaningful friendships.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you make real friends as an adult?
Comments
If you find out please reply to this comment or send me a DM.
Join a few clubs or groups that align with your interests – sports, hobbies, crafts, board games, etc.
For the most part, all my friends have been co-workers.
The hard part is that I lose them as friends and don’t work with them anymore.
That’s the neat part – you don’t.
Bumble friends !
It is hard, especially if you don’t have children or belong to a religious group. Look into your local recreation departments for sporty activities, your library system for quieter ones and adult education for hobby specific ones. Someone posted the same question yesterday on r/AskReddit and it got some good responses. So if you don’t get a lot of answers, that may help.
Good luck. I feel you!
Hi yea! I’m 30 (today) and am feeling the same way as you.
Unfortunately I don’t have an answer. It was so easy to make friends and create a group at 20. Now I feel like it’s impossible (I moved to a new state).
People seem so guarded to add a new person to their friend group no matter if it’s through work or at a bar.
Let me just say, “enjoy one’s solitude” * . I understand the borderline is to make new friends and socialize again.
But the reason I said * that, is you have to feel alright by yourself, comfortable enough alone, that people drawn to that comfortableness and want to be with you.
You said your previous group has gotten toxic. I will assume something breached the tolerate gate. Therefore pulling you out of that zone. So getting into a new one won’t change what might happen again.
Change yourself a little. Every Jack has his Jill, you draw people who are the same as you.
Be comfortable and chill, learn a thing or two about the past, the present, and the future. So you can have enough information to hold a conversation with the young, the old and the same.
But at the same time, be vigilance, stay calm and collect and pay attention to people around you so that you’ll not attract unwanted kind of friends.
Lastly, understand the marketplace, as in, where to get who .
You mostly find people who have their own interest and their own fantasy in bookstore
You mostly find scum and clown in bar and club, etc…
It isn’t mean there aren’t high class, successful people in bar and club enjoy themselves or doing business, also as obnoxious self-centered nuisance in a bookstore looking to flaunt theirs (false)knowledge. Hence “vigilance”
Other than that, keep getting to a better self.
It took me awhile when I first moved from my hometown to a new city. But I just found friends through work and asked them to hangout or they would ask me. I joined a club and met friends there as well and we still hangout even tho the club is gone now. Even if you got to your local pub you’ll see regulars they might not be your people but it’s better then being alone all the time
You don’t. I am retired and just waiting for it to end, alone.
Male loneliness is a massive issue that isn’t nearly talked about as much as other group’s issues.
Idk how is see the grannies walking in groups and going for tea all the time
pick a social outing and become a regular, and try and become friends with one person. Then hopefully they’ll introduce you to their friends and your social circle grows. Keep doing this, and you’ll know lots of folks. It will take some time and requires you to be diligent, but is worth it
Just go out everyday. Be outside and talk to people
I don’t know.
I’ve struggled with this myself. Here’s the fix . . .
It’s easy than you’d think.
The best way to do it, imo, is to figure out some communal hobbies and interests and find some social groups for them. Tabletop gaming, improv, acting, rock climbing, hiking, swimming – if you look around, you’ll find there are all kinds of groups out there where you can meet people with common interests and strike up more significant friendships.
Very few people makes friends after say the age of 30. If they do, they are a special breed.
You’re still young. Why are you worried? Just be yourself and friends will just happen.
Work. I’m pretty fortunate to have made great friendships through where I’ve worked and maintained them after I left.
No idea. I’m here though. What’s up?
If you’re able to get a dog/offer to walk a dog for someone.
It’s surprising how people can be more willing to talk to you when you have a dog.
Go places be cool
Find a group with shared interests, be employed in a job that isn’t work from home or solo work, find a romantic partner, or be a parent. As a 31 year old, all of my friends that I regularly see are from: Church, local government and advocacy groups, tennis, work, through my wife, or parents of my children’s friends (or just those in the same classes/activities).
Maybe some good starting points: if you’re religious or curious find a local church with members at the same stage of life as you, check if there are any adult sports lessons where you live, or a young professionals organization (often linked to your local chamber of commerce), or if there are any active fraternities in your area (the average age may skew older, but part of being an adult is making friends with people older than you, plus as these kind of organizations are hurting for members in the modern age, you’ll probably be pretty popular).
School clubs, bumble has a bff filter for friends only , tinder is more popular and you could specify only friends in your bio