Hello, friends!
I’ve recently joined this sub after struggling with painful thoughts caused by a bad relationship with my MIL.
I’ve been reading many of the stories and comments posted here and can really relate, however I’m posting here for advice on how to move on.
My MIL has never liked me, and I’ve always been quiet about it and held everything in until pretty recently. Now that I’ve finally acknowledged it, all of the things she did to me over the years are surfacing in my mind and are making me feel distressed and angry. I regularly remember abusive or downright cruel interactions that I thought were buried in my mind, or that I thought I was over.
I am no contact with my MIL and am currently going to therapy. My friends and family are supportive in talking with me about everything and validating my emotions, and sharing with me what they’ve seen and experienced with my in laws.
All of this has been helpful, but I feel like it’s taking a long time for me to move forward and stop feeling hurt and angry at myself for allowing it to go on for so long. I know she treated me badly because she wanted me to feel bad about myself, and continually remembering those awful things and feeling awful about them is what she wants.
How did you move forward with your terrible MILs? Do you have any advice on how to let terrible treatment by a MIL go and move forward with your life?
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Personally, I write a whole detailed list. Then tuck it away in a deep hiding place. Writing it reminds me of all the problems. I visit the list one last time and put it away.
I have been unable to move forward with my terrible MIL. I have it in me to forgive her, but only if she is willing to change her commentary and behavior. She is not.
She thinks her behavior is lovely and well meaning and I just misunderstand her. We are therefore at an impasse: she is unwilling to control her behavior and commentary and I am unwilling to forgive the same hurts again and again. If she does not care to do better, I am unwilling to continue tolerating her nastiness for the sake of her comfort and well being.
I am no contact unless and until she takes responsibility for herself and the hurts she has caused rather than blaming me for my reactions.