basically the title. My (38f) father (65) as ALS and hes now in Hospice. We don’t live on the same continent and I’m flying out on Sunday to be with him. But at the same, and while this happened back in December, I’m grieving another kind of loss – a man I thought I would share my life with. He met my Dad just back in October, made it seem like he was all in. Now I’m grieving the upcoming loss of my beloved Dad and the ghost of someone I loved so dearly. I’m in therapy, I have great friends, I’m taking care of myself but my god does the pain hurt. I know we all get our share of pain in life but I’m someone who takes things really close to heart. I love deeply and to be going through these two things at the same time is a special kind of hell. I guess I’m just looking for some advice from people who have experienced this kind of loss and how you got through it. Thank you <3
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Work out eat well protein muscle build self care skin care and forget the boyfriend . If he was worth anything he would have stuck with you. Don’t waste time or energy on him he is the fat that can be trimmed immediately with a mindset change. Guy is a loser. Focus on your self and your dad mostly on yourself
As with most things, take it one day at a time. Try to focus on what you have to do, but give yourself space to wallow/grieve if you need to. In other words, what works for me is being able to compartmentalize my feelings and reactions. Can’t wallow/grieve all the time, but it’s certainly healthy to do it sometimes.
EDIT: And never let yourself feel guilty or judgmental about your own feelings. That only doubles the anguish.
You have one father.
One foot in front of the other.
Do what you can to feel good in your body even if it feels weird to be focused on that.
Eat good food, drink a lot of water, stretch, go on walks, take baths.
There have been countless memoirs written about love and loss, I suggest googling and seeing if any resonate with you.
Some of my favorites:
Death in Slow Motion by Eleanor Cooney
Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas
You have to go through the grieving process for both. It’s hell but it is necessary. Giving yourself permission to grieve and to even wallow in it when you feel the need.
The only (and fastest) way to navigate through it all is straight ahead.
I’m sorry for your losses but time really does heal all wounds if you let it.