Hello ladies!! I’m just sitting here doing a bit of thinking.
I always hear that once you get older, you no longer care what others think. For me that is not the case. I am 41 and very much care what others think.
Here is an example: I was talking with a friend earlier today. We hadn’t talked in a while. She asked where I was working. The second half of 2024 I unemployed and very depressed. I looked for a job everywhere, including fast food or retail even though I have a professional degree. Anyway, I am still not working. I was so embarrassed I MADE UP a job. My friend is one of those people that got a work from home job in the early 2000’s and has never worked anywhere else and doesn’t understand the job market sucks.
Another example is I’m pregnant. Yesterday I told my husband that people probably think I got pregnant on purpose so I don’t have to get a job. (Totally not true, it was a complete surprise from a drunken night, lol. I’m now very visibly pregnant and can’t see any employer hiring me)
Anyway, as I type this out I realize how stupid it is. I know people don’t know my day to day regular life. These are just two examples. I likely have too much time on my hands right now and do too much thinking. I’m really wanting to change my ways, but not sure how. Yes I am in therapy. I’m trying to be one more confident and assertive but just not sure how.
Has anyone else ever made changes like this? Am I just being stupid?
Thank you for reading.
Comments
I mean, at some point you realize that anyone’s else’s opinion of you is superfluous. Think what you want, boo. I’m not trying to change how anyone thinks, just like I don’t want anyone to change how I think.
Also, if someone is gossiping about you, like, why would you take them seriously in the first place? Find a hobby. Volunteer, learn a craft. Be less vapid.
I am also 41f. I care what the people I care about think. Meaning specifically I care that they think I treat them well. That’s about it though. I ask people for their opinions all the time (people whose opinions I actually want and trust). But thats me choosing to care in the moment, what they think about what I’m saying, or a situation I’m presenting to them. Other than that though, I assume strangers and even friends talk crap about me. Let em. I know I discuss other people sometimes. I just make sure I never say anything I wouldn’t and haven’t already said to their face. It’s not like other peoples opinions have ever made much of a difference in my life and I can easily prove that to myself if I ever was to slip up and start worrying about what someone might say or think. They’re free to think whatever they like and even discuss me in any way they’re like. I can’t help if someone’s going to make up lies about me to make themselves feel better somehow. I guess the way I see it if they need to feel superior in that way that badly, they must really need it. I don’t. I don’t need to feel superior to anyone, whether I know them or not. Do I still feel envy sometimes? Sure. But I call it out to myself for what it is. I don’t need to justify myself, my choices, or my lifestyle to anyone and if someone cares so much about those things that it’s going to come up and make an issue, that’s a “them” problem and they can feel free to dismiss themselves from my life.
I just don’t have mental capacity to spare to worry about someone’s opinions. There always will be miserable people who just want to spread their misery and have nothing going in their life so all they do is just discuss everyone else’s.