I (M27) have been dating this girl (F27) for about 6 months now.
We don’t live in the same city so we mainly see eachother on the weekends. But lately I’ve noticed I’d sometimes like to have a weekend to myself and I don’t know how to talk about it with her.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy spending time with her. I actually love it when we’re together and I love her but sometimes after a long week I feel like I just need a day to stay home and do nothing with nobody and I read it’s pretty normal to feel that way, especially after dating the same person for a while.
So how should I go about it? What are your experiences with stuff like this?
Comments
Bruh. My wife is the opposite. She is highly independent and I would rather her always want to spend time with me.
The problem is you can’t really change someone’s nature.
Just talk to her about you needing some time to yourself and make it known to her that it really doesn’t have anything to do with her, how much you like her, how much you like spending time with her, etc.
Given how you’re effectively long distance and you enjoy the time with her, I would go about it a different way. Are you able to find time throughout the week to recharge? I also find I need time to spend by myself and this is what I try to do
My wife gets all the alone time and I don’t get any and it takes a toll. I’ve mentioned it but she gets annoyed.
Double standard in my eyes. Just have an honest conversation. While you are getting alone time she is too
fart really loud
Six months a while? Lol
And you have 5 days a week to enjoy being by yourself. I think sharing 2 of them with someone you “love” is not asking much of you
Dude, all you do is say that you’ve got something going on this weekend but you will see her next weekend. That’s all you need to do. You’ve been together six months of dating, you don’t live together, you have every right to have a weekend to yourself. Now if we look at a long-term relationship where you are coexisting together in the same household, that would be a different story because you can’t run away for a weekend. There’s more of a struggle when you actually are in the same household together. But when you’re dating, and you live in two different towns, there should never be an implied expectation that every single weekend you spend the time together. It sounds as almost if from my perspective that you are treating each other as if you’re in a long-term relationship and coexisting together under the same roof but that’s actually not the case. When you’re just casually dating, You absolutely have a right to a weekend alone.
Tell her outright what you typed out here. You’re not saying or doing anything wrong by wanting a day to yourself here and there, and if she can’t bring herself to accept that then that’s her problem to deal with.
My husband said just that to me. We love each other’s company, just the house is small and the walls are thin, it’s quite hard to get some privacy. He said to me he needed some time in the house, as he works during the week and I have the house to myself in the day, and I organised a few weekends away. It’s not a big deal, just let her know what you need. If she does Jake it a problem she’s just showing you who she is.
I’m going to say you’re really “not that into her” if after 5 days without her that you’re not dying to see her. Cut her loose and get all the alone time you want.
“I really love and value time with you, but I also need some alone time once in a while to feel sane. How can we make that happen in a way that feels good for both of us?”
Bro your post history just goes to show you might not be that into her… you don’t necessarily look forward to spending time with her and you want her to dress better? Also possible issues in bed? Sounds like the attraction just might not be there. If so, call it off because there’s many other women out there for you to look forward to seeing.
Find time to spend alone during the week.
Married 31 years, at my level of mastery it’s just “Hey, can you fuck off for a bit? Thanks!”
Edit: didn’t realize the sub I was commenting in (ask men) just saw the title and thought I could help- please remove if not allowed.
Maayyyybe – when she’s with you on the weekend- ask for anyone hour or two of “quiet time” to zen out while she works on something or watches a show that maybe she likes and you don’t.
My husband is great about giving me the time I need to nap after a long week. It’s an investment, then I’m refreshed and we can spend more quality time together later. Even if you don’t wanna sleep just spending a couple hours in a darkened room alone watching TV can recharge your battery.
Or, another option, “parallel play” haha like the term used on toddlers. Sometimes my husband will game with his friends and I’ll take that time to read a book or play my switch- while sitting in the same room. Or, sometimes I’ll go take a long shower or watch TV in the other room for a while.
I would start small versus asking for a whole weekend. Believe me, I get wanting to have time alone especially after a long week. But if you introduce these little habits and gradually build on them it’s less likely to hurt feelings. Or, maybe ask for a “sleep in” day and she shows up a bit later like after lunch instead of early in the morning or the night before?
I feel like swinging the pendulum the complete opposite way will leave her confused and hurt, even though you aren’t asking for anything wrong. As another poster said, some people are just different natured than others. You can’t change that, but you can work on building compromises that work for you both in the long run.
I’ve been married for 30+ years. Wife still gets offended that I want 90 minutes at BW3’s having wings and drinking 2 beers to myself 2 or 3 times a month.
You won’t fix her. You simply have to accept that you have alone-time needs, and that she’s going to be pissed off. She will get over it. Trust me… we’re in year 25+ of this same conversation.
You don’t live in the same city so you only see each other on weekends and after 6 months you need a break from her? You have 5 days of the week to “enjoy a break” or have time to yourself. This doesn’t add up! It sounds like you do not love her as much as you believe you do! You might want to reevaluate the relationship.
Yeah, I think what is happening is you’re losing interest, which is what happens often in long distance relationships.
See if she would be open to maybe meeting one night a week and one day during the weekend?
I know it’ll be tough since you guys both work and would have to make that commute knowing you also work the next day. But maybe lighten the load and rotate one of you going driving to the others place and whoever is hosting makes dinner or orders out if time is still an issue.
Doesn’t have to be every week if you don’t want it to be, once or twice a month, or just any time where you feel like you need a day to get shit done, even if the shit getting done is a day to yourself to decompress.
I lean towards wanting to spend a ton of time with my partner, but after 6 months of spending every weekend with them I would probably feel like I’d need a day here and there to decompress. I even offer it to partners at times because I feel like if my social battery is starting to run dry, maybe I should check in on them too.
Of course just having a discussion with her about all this is definitely key. Maybe just bring up that you feel like you need a self care day to yourself, and ask her what hers would look like. You can see if you can plan individual self care days and it can turn into positive instead of making your partner feel unwanted because your social battery is running low at the moment.
The sooner you can be open and honest with her, the sooner you will both learn if you are made for each other. I made it a rule that my wife and I live together for two years before we got married so we each had time to learn each other’s habits and decide if we could live with each other. The first step in that process is to behave the way you would like to in the future as soon as possible. If she isn’t compatible with the way you would like to live then the sooner you both find out the better it is for everyone.
I feel like the challenge of this the way you’ve written it seems to root mostly from the functionally LDR dynamic
If you two were in the same city you could meet up during the week (coffee, a post work drink, low stakes little date night) and mention you can’t hang this weekend and she’d still feel like she spent quality time with you that week
Like others have said in this thread, I think you can still tell her you can’t hang any given weekend and take it off for yourself
But consider how you can still make her feel connected to you in the interim, cause a week off in an LDR is functionally 2 weeks without seeing each other if you really think about it, from my experience