How does having completely different music tastes effect a relationship for you?
How does having completely different music tastes effect a relationship for you?
r/AskWomen
How does having completely different music tastes effect a relationship for you?
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Everyone is different I feel that’s the best part about relationships you get to learn why you guys take interest in other things, I don’t think music would rlly influence the love for your partner if it’s genuine
For me it would highly depend on what type of music it would be and how vastly they differ.
It be kinda a downer of my partner didnt like the type of music I liked at all and if I didnt like theirs. It wouldnt be a deal breaker, I dont think, but since music means a lot to me, Id want them to at least tolerate or be happy with my music tastes and I like or at least tolerate theirs.
I really can listen to all sorts of genres, but ofc with different levels of tolerances. Country music, gospel, and certain genres of rock/metal are my least favorite that I know of, however, so if my partner were to be very into those, Id definitely have to either get used to it or adjust so I can listen to my own music when Im with them.
Id think its be an absolute dream if my partner liked what I liked or was at least genuinely inquisitive about what music I listen to. So their having a similar music taste as me would be soooooo fucking awesome.
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It doesn’t.
Our current music taste is pretty different… and although we’re from very different countries we’re born in the same year, so the music we listened to as teens was pretty much exactly the same. It’s very nostalgic, fun, and nice to reminisce like that together and find out what we both listened to in our teens, and what we didn’t.
My ex used to listen to trap and mumble rap. I had dark thoughts every time I got in the car because the rides were always 30+ minutes. It was mumble rap all the time when it wasn’t in the car, either. I couldn’t do it.
Now, my current boyfriend and I have pretty similar music tastes. We don’t always see eye to eye on music, but I don’t really care because we share the music times.
My musical taste is pretty out-there, to the point that I feel like it can affect the level of respect a person has for me. If they have very pedestrian tastes, they hear what I like and think “How can you listen to this? This isn’t even a song.” I’ve experienced this more with coworkers than partners. I choose partners who are into something at least somewhat weird, so that were not constantly arguing about what to listen to in the car.
In nothing, everyone has their own tastes, we share our differences and we respect them too.
It would only be a dealbreaker if it was so severely different that they couldn’t stand my music at all or the other way around. I like playing music in the apartment, dancing, going to concerts and live shows a lot. Those are things I would hope my partner could find joy in doing with me — even if my music taste isn’t their absolute favorite.
I don’t like music all that much (meaning I rarely go and listen to music on my own will) and my partner loves music and wish he could listen 24/7. I let him know when I’m fine with music because I’ll get overstimulated with too much music and complex noises going on and he respects when I do. I don’t mind music in the car anyone can choose it. I think we do fine. He wears earbuds when he needs to
I don’t need them to like what I like, but they have to respect it because music is really important to me.
i mainly listen to goth, metal, punk, and whatever mitski and jeff buckley are. my music is tied to who i am and my morals, so yes it’s important in my relationships. thankfully, my boyfriend is a metalhead too. he’s introduced me to a lot of new bands, especially goregrind and slam. i’ve introduced him to some goth bands and mitski lolz.
Not at all.
I’ve had two long term relationships and neither shared my music taste. Hasn’t really had much impact at all. We typically listened to music independently (driving alone, working out etc).
Not at all.
It actually was a pretty big problem in my last relationship. It wasn’t the deal breaker, but it caused some fights. One in particular was a song that I felt really passionate about and he wanted to listen to it, but he hated that genre of music so much that it actually made him angry and he shut it off. It resulted in a huge argument and that’s when I realized that maybe it had more of an impact than I thought.
It’s fine if we have different tastes. It’s cool to hear new things. But PLEASE have some taste. I can’t date someone that listens to the most bland music ever –
Imagine dragons, fallout boy, maroon 5, etc.
It would be a little bit of a bummer because I like to go to shows and I would be sad if my partner didn’t like going to those with me. But, otherwise, not a big deal assuming that they didn’t care that I went to shows on my own or with others.
I’ve always been open to listening to all sorts of genres, so I like being introduced to new artists. I used to be more into metal core and emo genres, and when I started dating my fiancé he introduced me to the goth scene, so now I listen to lots of Depeche Mode, Sisters of Mercy, Type O Negative. I still listen to my old jams, but my relationships have definitely expanded the range of music that I listen to.
Music is very important to me and something i enjoy talking about with people. I am quite open to a lot of genres but if my partner couldn’t enjoy r&b, soul/neo-soul or even jazz it’d be quite disheartening. Think artists like Cleo Sol, that type of music is beautiful top tier for me and if my partner isnt able to resonate with me it actually makes me feel less connected. So it’s very important that we share love for music, interest in similar genres and both enjoy discovering new music as it’s something I really value. For me it boils down to relatability I guess and music is a big way to connect imo. A lot of my friends also have different music tastes so it would be amazing to have a partner who has similar music taste to me. I also enjoy going to gigs a lot so having that special person to go out with would make it even better.
I was with a guy recently who kept on changing my playlist when I had my music on. His music was not my taste & it was so freaking annoying as he often wouldn’t wait for a song to finish first!
Even at my birthday celebration he changed my music to his!! That REALLY pissed me off.
This will not happen to me again, ever!!
We have very different tastes, but we are both the kind of people that can get down to good music regardless of the genre. So we just end up introducing each other to lots of new music
In my experience, liking the same music is a plus and makes it fun to share things with each other; at the same time, this is so much less important to relationship success than many other factors, that it is not at all a dealbreaker or maker.
It’d be a deal-breaker in all honesty. I live for and work in the arts and care deeply about connecting over shared tastes, would want us to enjoy and respect each other’s as a core part of the relationship.
I like that we have classical music and jazz in common and otherwise like completely different things. When we share something, we know it’s new to the other. I’m clueless about Hungarian rock from the 90s, for example. He’s never heard French rap before he met me
we learn from each other.
she’s doing a great job tolerating all the “noise” that i dig (metalhead here). and i’ve come to terms with both the popular charts stuff she likes as well as those obscure medieval / folk artists no one has ever heard of (besides her).
to be fair, we have a comfortable overlap in our tastes and always enjoy attending concerts/festivals together.
In no way, shape or form. We can listen to each other’s tastes.
I really like music, if my partner can’t listen to it together CMG I feel a bit upset
I’m Mozart/Bach and jazz with some acoustic/folk inclinations. Also love 50/60 RB and soul , and oldies. She’s mostly bachata and wtf bad buny kind of music is. It works for us 🌹
If I hate their music, it can’t happen. Sorry. Life is too short to spend listening to crap you hate. And music is very important to me.
They haven’t. Music taste takes intelligence. I don’t pick up trash.
I am aware this is superficial, but I would straight up not date someone who’s music taste has no overlap with mine.
So, this is my husband and I. He is a huge country fan, and the older the better. It sounds like whiny nose singing to me. What I like depends on my mood. Rap, heavy metal, a capella, classic rock, singer-song writer, and the genius John Williams.
He listens to whatever he wants in his truck. I listen to what I want in my car and we made a 6hr playlist of sings we both like when we ride together.
Doesn’t effect whatsoever. I make fun of him when he listens to rap, he makes fun of me when I listen to electronics (he says it’s a music for robots). When there’s something awful playing, any of us can ask to skip the song. I don’t see a problem here.
It doesn’t for me. I am really open to trying new things and new music.
The rule is whoever drives gets to pick the music but the passenger can skip songs.
And my husband will try to always drive, but I am the DD he tries to disconnect the blue-tooth from my phone so we have to play his cause he gets bratty when he drinks. He does not win. I will sit there until we are bones if he thinks he gets to break the rules.
We both like generally the same music. But I listen to more extreme forms of metal than he does. We get on fine with it. We just try to keep open minds about it all
It doesn’t. He likes electro, I like hip hop and the only time we turn on music is during sex when it doesn’t matter what’s playing anyways.
deal breaker
If he listened to rap it never would’ve worked out but he’s got an eclectic taste like I do. I listen to almost anything, except rap of course.
My ex liked rap, he’d play it most of the time.
I prefer contemporary r&b. Moonchild, Raveena, Cleo Sol, Ro James, Ledisi, Sebastián Mikael, Luther Vandross, Sabrina Claudio, India Arie, Erykah Badu, Jacob Banks etc. And then Afrobeats if I wanted something upbeat.
I played my music in the shower. But he was aggressive about playing mostly his music in the car most of the time. He’d “let” me play my music occasionally.
Music isnt a huge deal to me, im typically more worried about values (politics, religion, type of family life they want), and then ……..if we wouldnt be in similar social circles romance aside, i prefer not to date that guy. Ive found through experience, that if we’re too opposite, it causes control and romance issues. Because we need to find similar things exciting in order for us not to be bored with each other. Im not saying I need a twin, Im saying we need to have some things in common so that excitement and energy flows mutually rather than one person being happy and the other bored. etc
No problems. He’s watched the eras tour film like 3 times for me lol. I’ve watched YouTube videos of artists he likes but of course that’s much less so I’m very grateful for him.
When we wanna listen to music together we put on our Spotify blend! We have some overlapping tastes but completely different favorite artists. Also, we both speak other languages so there’s lots of non English songs and we don’t understand each others😆but we still enjoy the songs ❤️🥰
It’s doesn’t affect us lol. My husband and I only bond over Twenty One Pilots but other than that, he likes funk, jazz, stuff like Tame Imapala, sleep token and breaking Benjamin (idk how to label this type of music lol) while I mostly listen to Korean and Chinese music. He doesn’t seem to have a problem when listening to my music and vice versa. But I do feel more comfortable just listening to pop music in English around him more so that he understands the lyrics lol.
I love butt rock and my husband hates it. I just don’t listen to it when he’s around unless I’m cleaning and he’s not. In the car we listen to music we can both stand like house. It’s not a big deal. I don’t hate any of his music so that helps. He indoctrinated me into dubstep years ago.
Didn’t in my last relationship, I’d always have the aux and he’d comply happily since he wasn’t really a big music geek anyways but I’d usually put on songs I thought he’d enjoy / we both enjoyed anyways!
Music is extremely important to me and in connecting with someone. I am a huge metal fan and if we don’t vibe, I can’t do it. Music was one of the top make or break deals for me in connecting with a significant other.
It’s not only a difference in music, it’s also about the difference in how people approach listening to music. I don’t need my partner to listen to the majority of the artists I listen, but I do need us to share a love for at least 1 or 2 artists and I need them to be just as open and eclectic when it comes to music as I am.
When this compatibility doesn’t exist, then things feel “off” and like we can’t fully form the kind of bond necessary to make me feel connected to them.
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My husband and I both like classic rock but I like electronic music and he doesn’t. So we listen to classic rock together and I listen to other stuff by myself.
we don’t have the crashiest differences in music taste. we do, however, interpret music differently. for him, it’s a calculated formula to break down cords and lyrics, for me it’s more emotional than scientific. I think it’s a cool dynamic
Music taste is pretty important, I could not date a guy that listens to metal and/or country music, that’s for sure, it would be an instant deal breaker. Those styles of music do not make me feel good at all.
Me and my ex had the exact same music taste except he constantly made fun of and judged anything he didn’t show me first. It got to the point where I had specific playlists I would play in the car with him to avoid being made fun of. My current bf and I have completely different music taste but he doesn’t mind listening to what I like and I don’t mind listening to what he likes. He goes to shows with me and thoroughly enjoys it and he even goes in the pit with me.
I don’t need to like everything they like or vice versa, but it would really be a drag if we had no overlap. Each time we’re in the car, one of us would dislike the music. We wouldn’t enjoy dancing together. We wouldn’t enjoy going out to see live music together. We wouldn’t enjoy listening music while doing something together at home.
Differing musical preferences have only been an huge issue in one relationship. My ex was a drummer, and decided that his preferences were CORRECT, because musician 🙄
The crazy thing is that we didn’t even have super opposing opinions on most music. I just didn’t like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and like audioslave or something. I didn’t care that he played them frequently, I just wasn’t a fan. But he berated me CONSTANTLY for not liking them. It actually turned into a HUGE issue, where I now actively dislike RHCP, 10 years after the breakup. We got into so many fights over it, because he could just NOT let it go. He told me one time that his opinions were more valid than mine and I didn’t know what I was talking about, because I wasn’t a musician like him.
One of my best friends in college didn’t believe me when I told her what an issue this had become, until she hung out with us one night. We went to a bar in a not super shady, but also not super great part of Oakland, CA. He took over the jukebox and almost got into a huge fight with some regulars over fucking RHCP. Then he proceeded to berate me once again, in front of my friend (and the regulars that took issue with how he talked to me) because I told him to chill and that not everyone likes this fucking band and it ok.
We have a little overlap but not really. He usually chooses the music. But I dont wish we had more overlap so we could sing along to songs together. The only stuff we have in common is millennial emo music, but you can only listen to that so many times together
It doesn’t because we both generally wear headphones for that stuff haha
I cannot deal with someone who won’t listen to the same music I do. I dated someone who liked Japanese rock and while that’s fine with me ‘cause I do listen to rock sometimes, he doesn’t even listen to music I am into. I feel like there would be more harmony in general if we just have similar taste in music.
I could never date someone with extremely different music tastes. Music is too huge a part of my life, especially when driving. And anyway, back when I did date it didn’t happen naturally most of the time because certain personalities are drawn to certain types of music. So the personas I was drawn to wouldn’t have been interested in the music I dislike in the first place. Virtually always.
My entire taste in music is borrowed from relationships. They are a facet of positive memory, since I discard the negative and keep the good. I think that taste in listening shapes who I select to date too.
I would’ve never considered this an “issue” in the past until the last two guys I dated had no clue about some of the songs I listened to. And it was honestly weird lol And while it isn’t a huge deal, I think it just makes the relationship/chemistry flow better when you have music as a shared interest. It doesn’t have to be the exact same across the board, but there should be some middle ground in my opinion.
I have very eclectic taste and no one in my life likes my music, lol. My boyfriend calls it “weird girl music”. He likes golden age hip hop, drill rap, Britney, Lewis Capaldi and Chappell Roan 😂 I’m not much a fan of that stuff either, but he doesn’t put music on that often (mostly drives in silence) so I don’t complain when he does. I usually save my really jarring, abrasive stuff for when he’s not around and play more palatable music when we’re in the same vicinity
Not at all I pretend to listen to his music look up the lyrics and ask questions
For me that would be a huge problem. I’m a big music person. I love listening to it and I love talking about it with someone that loves it too. It’s weird sometimes even with my best friend because her and I have very different music tastes. Unless my next romantic relationship could be very strong in other ways, I would probably pass if music was too dissimilar
My (now ex) husband and I met when in the military on Okinawa in the late 80s, where our only music options were military radio and CDs and cassettes. At that time we were listening to Deep Purple, iron maiden, Rat, Twisted Sister, etc.
When we got back to the States he sprung on me that he liked country music 😱
We’re divorced 😆
When my now partner first messaged me on OkCupid he included a picture of him with one of my favorite bands 😀 There were a number of other compatible factors, including politics. He’s a keeper 😍
He’s a musician and very knowledgeable. I can ask him, “what’s that song I like with all the synth?“ And he will know, not because we’ve previously discussed it, but he knows the big synth songs and he knows my taste in general.
My bf is a huge music fanatic and always , almost always has music on in his room while we’re on video calls , while I don’t like to hear music a lot, I get headaches strangely . It doesn’t affect our relationship in anyway so I don’t think so having diff music tastes gonna do anything to any relationship if u don’t let it .
Completely different? Honestly someone probably wouldn’t even end up being my partner in that case. Literally one of the first things my now-husband and I connected over was a lot of shared music taste. Music means so so much to me… it’s one of the ways I’ve made sense of myself, life, the world, etc. over the years and (no exaggeration) I feel like I might not still be alive without it. We don’t have to share 100% of our musical taste obviously and it’s quite fun in a relationship — and meaningful to me — to introduce each other to things the other person doesn’t know already, but significant overlap is genuinely really important to me.
It’s got it’s pros and cons. In car rides and in the kitchen my bf and I get to alternate songs, so it’s not like were only listening to 1 persons music. If one of our favourite artists albums comes out, we both need to listen to it fully and debrief and that’s always fun.
Because of him I have found a lot of music that I actually like, and vice versa. If I ask him to play one of “his songs” during my turn in the car, he lights up. And that’s priceless to see.
Sometimes we dont vibe to some songs that we hope the other would like. And that makes me feel suckish sometimes, so I’ll explain why it’s awesome and he’ll listen to me.
I mean uts not that deep, so wecoo
Honestly.. it would pretty much be impossible.
I’ve listened to almost everything atp.
-country? Yeah put it on 🙂↕️
-metal? Fuck yeah, I’ll show you the metal festivals I went to
-gothic? Hell yeah, had the biggest goth phase
-pop? Uhm yes please?
-jazz? Hell to the yes
-…
My boyfriend has awful music taste to my standards and vice versa. It effects basically nothing
In a platonic relationship way, I have accepted that most people don’t like the kind of music I like. For romantic, the main thing I care about music wise is not so much taste but that they aren’t the type of person to listen to their music at crazy volumes/have to have music on at all times. That’s more of a deal breaker to me than what it is honestly.
Long car rides suck. We just listen to podcasts now.
Honestly, it keeps things interesting! I’ve discovered artists I’d never listen to otherwise, plus, nothing’s funnier than watching him try to vibe to my sad girl playlists
i know my boyfriend is the one because i don’t mind when he runs the aux. i used to hate when my exes would play music, lmao.
Zero impact whatsoever. I care much more about other things regarding compatibility.
Everyone is different my partner and me have pretty similar tastes. But he would like more rock bands then i would. I would like more rap then he would. But we have been together fourteen years because it works.
It doesn’t, we don’t listen to music together. For car rides we chat, or put on a podcast for really long ones. I put on earbuds when I workout or listen alone in the car or before bed.
It never really bothered me. I like when we like different things and I also like the convergences.
I don’t know,it depends…are we talking “i listen to worship songs and choirs while my (potential) partner listens to rap songs normalising guns and rape” or is it the “i like country and a bit of reggae while my partner listens to death metal and emo rap”? First one, I’d say, might speak of different values and would lead me to evaluate closer,second I wouldn’t care what so ever…either way,the different music taste itself would not be the core problem…
My husband loves jazz, soul and (oldschool) funk. I like it.
I love to listen to french house and EDM. He would rather gnaw his own toenails off than listen to that. So, we compromised that we would listen to his stuff and I listen to mine alone.
During the pandemic we played songpop a lot and THEN he was very very amazed how good my musical range fits his competetive ass 😉
Music is such a huge part of my life and I like such a broad range from Wu Tang Clan to Infant Annihilator to Florence + the Machine to A Tribe Called Red.
The only genres I really can’t get behind is modern country (Morgan Wallen, etc) and jazz.
If my partner solely listened to either of those insufferable genres I would be so completely miserable that I couldn’t remain in the relationship.
My ex was really into death metal while I’m more of a Taylor Swift kind of girl. We actually made it work for 2 years by having designated music days in the car. Tuesdays were his screaming sessions Thursdays were my pop paradise.
It honestly brought unexpected joy to my relationship. My boyfriend introduced me to jazz and I showed him the beauty of classical music. Now we spend Sunday mornings drinking coffee while Coltrane and Chopin take turns filling our apartment.
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Puts a damper on road trips.
AFFECT
It wouldn’t have been so bad if he would have taken turns choosing music. Unfortunately he is very selfish and no matter where we were he always controlled the music and he always played it very loudly. It got to the point the kids preferred to ride with me because it wasn’t loud and I let them choose the music also.
yeah id leave if things feel uncomfortable for me.
My ex used to listen to tame impala and glass animals I have anxiety every time I listen to these bands
My husband and I have similar tastes for some music and very different for others. We both enjoy 80s and 90s rock and pop music, but he really enjoys 90s and on rock and heavy metal, and I love boy bands music and most pop. My husband has taken me to a few Backstreet Boys concerts and has made me a playlist with all my favorite songs to listen to while I’m with the kids. When he’s with the kids they listen to his kind of music. Neither of us mind.
Music is a huge part of my life, I hope to find my mate at a concert one day as that’s really the only place I feel I’ll meet someone who at least gets a big part of me.
If he listens to rap I cannot, that “music” is so trash it’s not even funny.
I have to be with someone who has similar musical taste as me. I do not like hip hop, with a few exceptions, so I couldn’t be with a guy who’s into it. It would eventually get to me, to have to listen to music that I don’t like.
I prefer guys who are into metal, punk, rock, etc. I want to be able to go to shows and concerts with my partner. The type of music you listen to can affect your lifestyle: What you wear, beliefs, etc. I want someone with similar views and to have the aesthetic I like.
I listen to heavy metal and my fiancé listens to stuff like Kesha. He absolutely hates my music but I don’t care because I’m not a fan of the majority of what he listens to either lol. We’ve been together for 10 years and he has taken me to a couple concerts over the years too.
I like all music except polka, my bf only likes rap.
If we are in the car I’m not allowed to play my music unless he has his AirPods and I’m driving but usually he’ll just take over aux.
My boyfriend and I have pretty similar tastes but I think it’s down to us sharing our music. He now loves bands, artists and genres that I love (he mainly used to listen to rave and now loves Johnny Cash, 70s rock, 00s RnB and even some new country which he used to hate etc) I now listen to indie alternative rock and pop because of him. Genuinely any genre and decade and we have songs we both love. Very wide range of music taste thankfully.
It’s entertaining
My husband and I are fairly different in terms of music taste, but I don’t think it’s negatively affected our relationship. On cleaning mornings, we start a jam and blend our songs, but not while driving. We follow Dean Winchester’s rule on that one – whoever is driving picks the music and the passenger shuts their pie hole. I can understand why it’s so important to some people, but it’s fine for us. If a song comes on that one of us specifically doesn’t like, we just ask to skip it.
As long as we’re not trying to force each other to listen to artists the other literally can’t stand it doesn’t affect me much at all.
Although I don’t think I could be with someone if I intensely disliked everything or almost everything they listened to. But I have pretty eclectic tastes and there’s only two artists that are on my hell the fuck no list.
I feel we have the same music taste. Up until you get to me, the expanded version lol. I listen to everything.
We have a road trip playlist and we put in a lot of songs we both like.
But there’s a few songs in our road trip playlist that he doesn’t really like but he knows I love them. There’s a few that I’m indifferent to but he absolutely loves.
We have 2 separate stereos if we want to listen to music in different rooms. We just make sure it’s not annoyingly loud. Like you can hear your music. But you’re not trying to drown out the sound in the other rooms in our home.
I have headphones if I really want to listen to music that I know he’s not a big fan of lol.
Even when I’m blasting music from my phone. You only hear it in the room I’m in. Because I try to make sure the sound isn’t too loud. For us, it works.
Completely different is fine, but I have to respect whatever it is. I’m too judgemental to let certain artists slide, I see it as a reflection of tastefulness
I think it shouldn’t. Music can be shared and learn from. Being opposite in things isnt the worst, makes sex playlists interesting.
Some people have seriously bad taste in music
As long as it’s not yodeling we’re good.
I mean I’m a cottagecore lesbian with an indie, rock and pop taste.
Most of my friends like alt music or were goths/heavy metal.
We just kind of vibe together 😂
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