Been on my mind a lot recently, not just someone hearing your words, but actually listening to what you’re trying to say.
I sometimes feel like in conversations, whether at work or with friends, my input just goes into the void. You get a nod or an “uh-huh,” but you can tell it hasn’t actually registered, and nothing changes. It makes you wonder if you’re just bad at explaining things or if your perspective isn’t valued.
Is this a common feeling for you guys?
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Been on my mind a lot recently, not just someone hearing your words, but actually listening to what you’re trying to say.
I sometimes feel like in conversations, whether at work or with friends, my input just goes into the void. You get a nod or an “uh-huh,” but you can tell it hasn’t actually registered, and nothing changes. It makes you wonder if you’re just bad at explaining things or if your perspective isn’t valued.
Is this a common feeling for you guys?
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This is one of the tests toward becoming an emotionally, mature man. Early on in your life, it will frustrate the hell out of you. hopefully through time you can discern your own thoughts and gauge whether or not what you’re saying needs to be said, and if it needs to be said, you’ll learn how to keep your cool and not take it personally if someone isn’t listening. The cool thing about it is though is that the next test in that process comes when you learn how to assert yourself in a manner that doesn’t make you look like an absolute idiot, psycho, or unstable, but in a steady, calm, but firm way.
Yes.
Story of my life and then people complain i dont speak to them.
That’s when I tune out and wander off. I’ve got people who value me, I don’t need to fight for those who won’t.
I mean, I’d say the vast majority of what I say kind of goes into the void. And it’s not necessarily malicious. It’s not that they don’t value my opinion in particular, it’s just that most people are pretty sure of their own opinions and whatnot, that they will just do what they want.
But I feel like I’d need to know the specific scenarios. Are we talking about at work when somebody is trying to solve a problem, you offer a solution and nobody gives it the time of day?
Is it like, you are venting about things that frustrate you, and nobody seems to care?
Are we talking, somebody asks me for advice, and they don’t take the advice I give them?
But regardless, for myself, when people don’t listen to what I’m saying. I do get frustrated at first, it’s annoying. But for the most part, I just let it go. People ultimately just want to hear what they want to hear. You could be offering the best advice in the world. But if the person doesn’t want to hear it, they will ignore it.
It’s where being sure of yourself is beneficial. Are you doing well in life? Are you at a good point in life? Obviously whatever you are doing is working. So if somebody doesn’t listen to you, who cares. If they don’t want advice, so be it. If they don’t want your solution, so be it. All you can really do, is offer it to them in the first place. It’s up to them to accept it.
But if it’s to the point where people ignoring you is detrimental to your workplace, then it’s something to bring up to management
Sorry, what were you saying?
I personally, in these situations, use this line.
“Well.. I guess I’ll just go fuck myself then. Take it easy I’ll catch you later”
I’m a 27 year old socially awkward man who isn’t particularly good-looking. I’ve had an entire lifetime to get used to people not acknowledging me. It used to bug the hell out of me, but now I kind of enjoy flying under the radar and doing whatever I want.
It all depends, did you have their attention to begin with? I’ve noticed that people now a days just start talking out of the blue and expect you to be on the same page as them like you were following their thought.
But I’ve also had my fair share of people loose attention mid conversation. That’s when I start sneaking in super weird stuff until it perks them back up.
And like you said, it can be about respect, your perspective might not be valued.
Yeah. It’s dismissive, but you get to the point where you realize talking is pointless. Then people are all like “why you so quiet all the time” 🤦
Yes, I’ve noticed it too. It’s not that you’re a bad conversationalist. It’s just that it took me a very long time to realize that what’s supposedly a “conversation” serves a vastly different function for me than it does for most other people.
For me, a conversation is an exchange of thoughts and ideas, a chance to learn something new, to hear different viewpoints, and to reflect on or counter them with my own. But for about 95 percent of people, it seems a “conversation” is more of a ritual where participants take turns making noises with their mouths in an effort to appear interesting.
Topics jump around rapidly, and no one even seems to notice. People have nothing to contribute to each other’s monologues because they’re too busy waiting for an opening to blurt out some self-indulgent, nonsensical anecdote, one that has only a passing relevance to what’s being discussed, if even that. And when some weirdo dares to express a different viewpoint or outright challenges what’s being said, everyone’s brains seem to grind to a halt, as if one of the participants has completely misunderstood the purpose of the social event.
This happens to me all the time. I just stop talking. I don’t care how awkward it makes it for the other person. Should have listened, asshole. I listened to every syllable you uttered.
How can you tell it’s not registered in their minds? How can you be sure?
Are you annoyed because you think people didn’t listen to you, or because they didn’t have the reaction you would have had if you were in their shoes? Those are two very different things.
Hey man, this feels like AI. Are you listening to the comments here? Learning anything?
Yep you’re just not interesting
Most people can’t listen
It’s all about
Me me me
It used to piss me off until I stopped listening. I got it through my thick head that “people do not understand because they do not want to understand.” I learned to take people as seriously as they take me.
It used to bother me or raise some questions, but over time I realized that it was something similar to a “trauma” and from then on I stopped giving it importance.
Disappointed mostly. A lot of people are just too stupid to consider a different point of view.
Generally I don’t take it personally. Granted most people listen to me when I discuss serious stuff but if its not then sometimes people just aren’t interested in listening. Granted I am the same way. I don’t always listen and sometimes space out if it’s something I am entirely uninterested in and it’s not something serious.
Oh hey, it’s the way I feel every time I go visit family!
Obviously it’s incredibly frustrating. The only solution for me was to give up on trying to explain myself. I never pretend that I think or feel something that I don’t or agree with anyone on something I don’t.It’s more of a “yeah, you’re all wrong and I’m right and no I will not explain” kind of situation. That definitely helps
I try to move on but I tend to think about it and think I did something wrong. I was talking to a girl yesterday and she just randomly stopped responding and then turned to the guy next to her and started chatting him up. Was really really weird behavior and completely caught me off guard.
Everything I talk to my mom. But if it’s anyone else she can listen just fine
Depends on how important you are to me or how important what I’m saying is.
I’d be a bit offended if both of those are high but I’d just stop talking and move on if it’s a stranger. Why continue wasting my breath?
It honestly drives me wild. Going through a whole story just for someone to immediately ignore every single aspect of what you said so that they can continue on with their true objective which was to be heard themselves, not listen to others? Especially when you’re someone who people describe as quiet or an introvert? So maddening. If you do it enough to me I’ll simply start returning the favor and the conversation can end because I’m not going to continue with effort that isn’t being returned.
I just gave up in the end, and rarely offer an opinion anymore.