(First of all, apologies for the word niblings, I hate it too but it’s more concise than nieces and nephews 😂)
I’m childfree and an aunt to two amazing little kids around kindergarten age that I love more than anything. I have a great relationship with both of them but it’s also very easy—they are young and all it takes to blow their mind is the occasional cool gift, the unlimited candy dish at my house, and my willingness to play with them for hours. It doesn’t take much to be the “cool aunt” when they are small.
I had very little experience with children before they were born, and I don’t know what to expect in the future. I was hoping to hear from more experienced aunties (and/or moms) about how these relationships change as the kids age, especially into the teenage years. I want to remain close to them and hope I can be a safe and supportive person to them as they grow up.
Does anyone have any advice on how to remain the cool aunt? Or any other thoughts and experiences to share?
Comments
Child-free aunt to five awesome kids here! Their ages range from 12 months to 14 years. I have great (and very different!) relationships with all them and it has been a joy watching them grow up. The oldest and I have gotten really close the last few years and the same things you mentioned still make her happy, some have just changed a little as she’s gotten older: the occasional gift (still awesome), taking her out to get sweets or food she likes (sushi, boba, ice cream), and the willingness to spend time with her (let her vent about her parents and sibling lol, or the current school drama).
I try to provide a safe space for all the kids so they feel comfortable talking to me, like if they need advice about something they don’t want to talk to their parents about. I feel like it’s my duty as an aunt (and godmother to a few of them!) to look out for them. I take this shit seriously lol I love them so much
Also, I’m very much still the cool aunt, but while the younger ones still get excited and run to me when I pick them up from school, the older two are toooo cool for the impromptu 10 second dance party on the school lawn 😂
You don’t tell their secrets to their mom even if she’s your sister.
You become unpaid maths, physics and chemistry tutor.
All trips when you plan you have to be ready to add extra people any time.
As they become teens (especially so with the girls), you’ll become nerdy to them. They won’t want to associate with you as much – which while heartbreaking, is just a part of life. They’ll still love you, but they just won’t want to spend as much time with you. Soak up the time you have when they are young. It eventually changes – and that’s OK. I’ve got teens (19 and 16) and young ones. I knew the change would come, but with the niece it felt like a big change and broke my heart. She went from wanting me to pick her up from school, and sleeping at my place all weekend, to rolling her eyes at me.
Be attentive and interested in them, listen what they’re talking about, share their interests and provide your own ideas. Sounds easy, but for me (tired mum) even listening feels like torture sometimes.
Especially when they become teens, keep their secrets and be someone they trust. Sometimes, it is a fine line between loyalty to your nieces and nephews and their parents.
Always remember that you aren’t a parent. You might be a responsible adult, but not all of the time. lol. Do the fun stuff with them. In the last couple of years, I’ve been to many musically challenging concerts with my niece. Although the music isn’t my cup of tea, I love to spend time with my niece, and we took my niece and my nephew on many trips around Europe where they could stay up late and explore cities on their own.
My husband sometimes takes my nephew on little hiking trips, and they both have a lot of fun.
Be interested in what interests them and listen. You probably have more time and energy on your hands than their parents.
My nieces and nephew live in about 12 hours away so tbh I don’t really have much of a relationship with rhem