I have been married for 35 years. My wife is often out of sorts with her married female friends or relatives. I have really liked some of their husbands and have wanted to have them as friends but it is difficult when my wife is not talking to their wife. This can last for years. My friends were mainly military folks and I was in the Navy. So we were often moving around, never the neighbor down the street. I never realized this might happen when I got married – but it’s just part of keeping the peace at this point…
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Why can’t you still be friends with the husbands?
Sounds like there’s more here that you haven’t shared yet.
No. Neither of us have this sort of drama with other people lol.
Am i living life on easy mode? Seems so sometimes when i see this sort of stuff on reddit
The only thing I can recommend in your situation is to go find some friends independently from your wife. I’m not sure what hobbies you have that could allow meet up with like minded individuals, but might be worth looking into local hobby groups. If your wife has trouble with any of your friends wives, you might just need to reach out and have some.independent “bro time”.
My wife isn’t the problem. Other people are the problem. Seriously, people are crap out there.
She is far more organized which helps my social schedule immensely. She is friendly with my friends wives as well
I married my best friends wife’s cousin. Whenever they have had some sort of falling out, which has happened a few times, he and I have maintained our friendship as if nothing has happened. He and I don’t talk about their problems, or who is right or wrong. Eventually the wives will see each other at some event or gathering and then everything goes back to normal. But they have gone years without talking to each other.
As far as keeping friends goes, it’s important for each person in a marriage to keep friends. You don’t want to rely solely on each other for friendship.
I’ve met most of my good friends now through my wife. So it’s been great, honestly. I have a family member who used to come around a lot, but his wife is very difficult to get along with, so we dont see them often anymore 🤷♂️
Your SO sounds like she has issues maintaining healthy relationships.
I’ve befriended a lot of people though my wife. One of my current good friends is married to my wife’s good friend. However, I have also a few good friends I know from my own.
I’m in the same situation. When the kids were young, I didn’t have the time but now I go out of my way to make and maintain friendships with men and women completely independently of her. It’s so much better for my mental health.
I still don’t have friends. Though, that’s because I’m still working 60hrs/wk.
Shoulda been born rich or gone to school, I guess.
My wife is kind of the same but I still hang out with the husbands. She doesn’t care.
Ah, for me, it doesnt matter if they are married or not. We are all still friends. Our secret is my friends are my friends, my wifes friends are her friends.
My wife has been on call for almost all of the last 15 years. Nights and weekends, much less guys trips were a rarity.
It can be tough maintaining relationships when you have to cancel so often. Though she just started a job without call, so we’ll see how that improves things. The older I get, the less interested I am in going out anyway.
I’ve seen this shit with my parents. My mother starts fights with friends or family and insists that my father has to take her side. Ridiculous.
My father is now an old man with barely any friends and it’s so sad.
I swore I’d never accept being treated like that
None at all.
It is the kids’ fault lol
We were part of the same group before we got married, though she was newer to it than I was. We’ve had men get married to women in the group and women get married to men in the group. We’ve accepted them all and so get along pretty well. Sometimes we do things together and sometimes we separate out by sex.
The only time anyone was left out of the group was when one of the couples divorced. Both of them are nice people but the wife was simply not as outgoing as the husband. She was harder to talk to and just more awkward to be around. In the end she kind of just drifted away and the guy got remarried.
Sounds like your wife is the problem? That’s what I’m getting unless I’m reading this wrong but if there are issues with her friends and own relatives. I feel like there’s some context we’re missing as to why these relationships aren’t kept. I understand the military part of it moving around, but people keep friendships with people they wanna keep friendships with if this is a issue due to distance. I feel like that’s just an excuse, especially if it’s people that you genuinely liked. Although like I said, I just have a feeling there’s more to this than we’re being told.
The biggest thing that led me to end things with the gf I had immediately before meeting the woman who would become my wife was realizing that I didn’t want to spend my life running interference.
Has anything happened when hanging out with friends? Did you cross a line like going to a strip club with friends, or a past betrayal?
Like you, none of my oldest friends are local any more. And like you, I met many of them in the Navy.
I don’t have this problem. My wife never falls out with anyone seriously.
Your wife is the problem, full stop. She must be exhausting.
She basically is a net benefit; pushing me into social situations to maintain friendships with our friends’ husbands, but never gets in the way of friendships where it’s not a couple we’re both friends with.
My wife rarely has issues with our shared friends and at most it lasts a day or two until they hash it out. Years would drive me crazy.
Mostly our issue lately is that we have couple friends who we met via parenting situations since we have similar aged kids. And now that the kids are teens and preteens sometimes there’s drama there. Mostly us parents just try to ignore it and only step in when we need to.
Neutral to positive effect. I don’t really have any friends, but the odd occasion I go to have coffee with an acquaintance she encourages me to go. Honestly, it’s my young children that have a negative effect; I either feel like I can’t get away or, when I have the time, want to devote my free time to a solitary hobby.
Why is your wife “often out of sorts with her married female friends or relatives”?
My ex-wife affected this by not letting me have any friends at all. Not directly, but in constant shaming if I did anything social after we had kids. Yes, it could be unfair if I go do social things while you stay home with the kids. But, the fact that you always choose to stay home and never do anything and be social because you feel like you let our kids down if you’re not hovering, well, that just might skew the ratio.
Your wife sounds exhausting. I would not enjoy that level of drama, especially if it cost me friendships.
Never in our 20 years of marriage? There are my friends, her friends, and couple friends.
She does things with her close friends, while their partners & I are nowhere to be seen. I run solo caregiver for the kid for a while. I never felt any pressure to entertain their partners.
Similarly when I (admittedly, rarely) do things with my friends, generally neither she nor their partners are present. She runs solo caregiver for the kid for a while.
When the two of us are close with a couple or family, we do things all together with the 5-6+ of us.
This question makes me feel very thankful for my partner.
I have lost one friendship, I think, because of my partner. I think he has lost a few after finding me, because some of his more fancy friends don’t really call him anymore, I am decidedly not as fancy. Overall though, he has all of my friends in his phone book and vice versa. Occasionally we will hang out sans partner with each other’s friends if one of us is busy.
That’s rough. You may need to have your own friends and keep your wife away from their wives. You’re going to run out of like-minded people to commune with.
>my wife is not talking to their wife.
Is this a women thing? It’s like they never get out of jr. High.
When they think everyone is an asshole, they’re the common denominator.. take a look in the mirror
> My wife is often out of sorts with her married female friends or relatives.
>when my wife is not talking to their wife. This can last for years.
None of this is remotely normal.
My wife doesn’t affect my friendships.
Alot of dudes probably feel stuck in this trap 🪤
Never had this…I have many male friends in which I basically never see their wives..and have no interest to do so
You have a wife problem. Not a lack of friends problem.
I tend not to want friends, so I honestly couldn’t say. She will occasionally say “you should hang out with ——“ but I don’t want to so I think she may have given up. I have no issues being left at home while she hangs out with her/our friends
Maintain friendships with other married men is the title of the prompt. But the caption is different. Are you now settled down in one location looking to make new friends?
Additionally, there is one other detail needing ironed out. Having friends who are married men and being friends you wife’s friend’s husbands. That is a big difference.
No. Sounds like your wife has or invites drama. But honestly – have male friends that are not couple friends? Or hangout separately? You don’t have to always be with your spouse.
Sounds like your wife should be named ‘jumper cables’ in your phone bc she is always starting shit. I’ve been with mine for over a decade and that has not happened to once bc mine doesn’t start drama.
My wife of 47 years is the nicest person I know. Everybody loves her, including me, obviously.
She has two circles of friends, couples we’ve known for over 40 years and a group of women she’s been quilting with for over 20.
I’m friends with the men from the group we’ve known forever and play golf with several of them. My wife is the one who insists I play as often as I want because she says it’s good for me. She’s right.
I’m sorry your wife isn’t happy. Any chance of finding out why? Counseling? Therapy?
Not one bit.