I have to get this off my chest so that I don’t repeat the same mental state I was in in 2024
In 2023, I met this woman. We talked, hooked up, and I got the “late text.” 2024 turned into a pure shii show I was 36 at the time (I’ll be 38 next week and the reason for this post is because I knew although I didn’t hear from here since October 2024, she probably would hit me around summer 2025), she was in her late 20s. This wasn’t my first “late text,” but it was the first time someone claimed they were actually having my kid.
I tried honestly tried to step up. I drove three states away to see her — multiple times. She never showed up. She wouldn’t answer my calls(wasn’t often), and would only FaceTime me when she felt like it(met the kid once through FaceTime). I’d go shopping for the baby, and she’d try to get me to just send her money instead so she could do her hair and nails. Meanwhile, I still never saw this kid in person.
I have a great career — I’m not some bum. She wanted me to quit my job (career) and move in with her like that made any sense. When I didn’t, she twisted it and made me out to be a deadbeat. I lost a few friends over this because the whole sound fabricated — even to me. She operates almost solely through text.
She blocked every real effort I made. She’d ghost me for months, then pop back up with the same story. I never did anything to deserve this other than not wanting to be with her.
I’m not perfect — I know I got myself into this — but I stand on my own two feet. I pay my own way, and I handle my responsibilities.
Now she’s back. How do you navigate when you know you’re being played, strung along, and kept in the dark? When you can’t get real answers but you don’t want to abandon the chance that you might have a kid out there?
How have other men pushed through something like this without losing their mind or letting themselves get manipulated?
Comments
Chances are that you’re not the only needle in her haystack.
Wooo lawd that’s brutal. I’ve been through similar shit. Its like when logic says walk away but the what if keeps you tied in.
What helped me was shifting focus back to my peace. If someone really wanted me involved, they wouldn’t make it this hard. Moving forward, keep records, protect yourself legally if needed, but don’t let the hope of fatherhood keep you chained to this chaos.
You deserve clarity OP, not goofy ass breadcrumbs
Dude… Lawyer. Like yesterday.
… is there any proof of a kid? Why the heck have you not sought legal counsel over this?
DNA test somehow
Maybe demand a dna sample?
Get proof that there is a kid and that the kid is yours. Otherwise, she’s lying to get money from you.
Get a paternity test and if you she wont let you get one, then that ain’t your kid. Once you figure that out never look back. Don’t reply, dont answer calls, just move on with your life…. if that is your kid though, welcome to hell basically
All this could’ve been avoided with a simple DNA test and nothing more need to be said or done.
“I’d go shopping for the baby, and she’d try to get me to just send her money instead so she could do her hair and nails.”
Man, you’ve been taken for a fool. Oh nice guys…
She has a kid?
What about her do you like?
Tell her you’re not doing shit for the kid without a paternity test. It sounds like she’s trying to play you. You have no idea how much of what she says is fabricated – put the burden of proof on her.
Dude stop. If it is your kid it doesn’t sound like you can do much because she won’t allow it so get the DNA sorted. Then if you have to pay child support do that, this girl doesn’t want you in her life or in the child’s life. You’re just a paycheck to her.
Do what you can for the kid if it’s yours which seems like a child support payment. When the kid can make decisions for themselves and reaches out step up.
My 2 cents.
Do you have some type of intellectual disability ? I’m not trying to be mean but, why after all this time haven’t you sought a paternity test, any kind of custody visits or anything at all that would legally get you answers. You’ve never seen a kid, your name is not on birth certificate since you never signed one and you think it’s real even if only a chance? If you have her name and address they go to the court house and request a paternity test and get your answers once and for all. She is asking for money but you not once has asked for child support? Dude there is no kid and if there is then it certainly isn’t yours. The fact you haven’t sought some legal advice if you think you have a kid does paint you as a deadbeat because most people especially grown ass men almost 40 would want to be in their kid’s life even if not in the mother’s. Get a paternity test through the courts and seek visitation and in the future wear a condom.
DNA test to establish paternity. Then, if it’s yours, sue for paternal rights.