I experienced sexual abuse and rape as a child and young adult. I went to therapy for a long time to truly work through it. This was key, with someone specialized in sexual assault. Free services are often available for this.
Self pleasure was pretty key for me – and always safe. I love the feeling of orgasming and let that become the sexual narrative. I learned my body, what turned me on, what turned me off, etc. I was able to start to replace the experiences I had with positive pst experiences and fantasies. I also explored the things that made me anxious related to trauma – having my neck even touched, for example. I would touch my neck or think about it, and also where my rel lines were with it.
I only shared my body with people I trusted and always discussed consent.
Sex is truly a part of my life I enjoy now in my 40s. It’s worth the work. I know it’s SO hard.
Still working on it, but healthy clear boundaries being sure to go slow and only have intimacy with another when a foundation of trust is already growing is prob the biggest thing.
Therapy and communication with my husband. He and I both have experienced sexual trauma and we’ve both worked on our own healing in therapy. Now it’s a much safer experience focused on connection and intimacy together.
I will say that my negative experience was between partners. If I had a steady partner to support me, this would have looked different.
For me, it started with getting comfortable again in my body. I knew that if I couldn’t have positive experiences on my own, I would seek that reassurance and comfort from my sexual partners, which ultimately would not be fair.
Once I was OK by myself, I started dating and went through a phase of using sexual partners as cleanser. Like, if I had enough experiences with people who were not the trauma-er, maybe that would help me heal. And, somehow, despite that being a pretty fucked up framework on the surface, it was effective. Having multiple partners who respected me, valued me, and were kind— that did reassure me that it wasn’t always going to be like it had been that one time.
And then, when it came time to get serious with someone, I didn’t pressure myself to tell him right away. I knew it was something I would want to share eventually, but that it was OK to take time and share that when I felt ready.
Be patient with yourself. The road ahead may not be easy, but you deserve a healthy sex life. 💖
went through an ausive relatioship when teenager. It took me a long time to even want to reconnect with that part of myself. For a while, I thought I was broken — like I’d never be able to experience intimacy without flinching emotionally. What helped me most was going really slowly, on my terms, and only with someone who made me feel deeply safe, seen, and never rushed.
Therapy helped, but so did learning how to be in my body again… through dance, breathwork, and even just spending time alone, understanding what I like, not what I think I should like. The biggest shift was realizing I didn’t have to “perform” or meet some external standard. I try to always be present and curious.It’s still a journey, but it’s one that no longer feels shameful or scary.
I feel like people always assumed because of my past that I would have a bad relationship towards sex and what I like to do nowadays but I really don’t. I think what it is for me at least is that I focus on the now and the things I can control. My past is messed up and it’s definitely a large factor to how I am who I am now but it doesn’t have to strip my enjoyment away. I guess I just don’t want my trauma to take away something I genuinely enjoy so I just focus on the pleasures and what I like.
I think experimenting with my own self pleasure and even exploring safe communities where you can have open dialogue about sex have made me all more comfortable and happy with where I am at. The moment someone makes me uncomfortable and they don’t respect my boundaries I leave. Consent is sexy! I love it when my partners ask me something if they are unsure and I love having upfront conversations about it. To be honest nothing turns me on more than a person asking me if something is okay first!
In all honesty – I haven’t. I was never assaulted in the classical sense, but countless bad experiences with several different people have caused me to become hopeless and upset at the entire topic.
I know men like me. I am sunshiny, tattoos and piercings, big breasts and ok looking. I understand that my appearance and my personality do things to them. I understand it’s not his fault he gets hard when I run around half nude. I get that he wants sex, he wants me to want it too. It’s an eternal dilemma – if I say no I know he’s frustrated, and then I can’t even touch him without him getting hard, and that makes me sad. So I pretend to like it – the sex is always the same, he cums and then it’s over. I cannot cum from another person, that’s never happened before.
Then I’ve got another week until this repeats.
I want good sex, I think about it often, I crave to finally be comfortable. I really want to enjoy it – but it’s just not happening, no matter how many years this drags on. I’m jealous of people who have managed to rebuild a good relationship with sex. I never had one to begin with – I wonder if I’ll ever be able to find peace with this.
I was r-worded 8 or 9 years ago, was a virgin when it happened. It’s never played in my head much, but I experience a lot of sexual dysfunction with my partner as a result. I have not found a way to figure it out, don’t even know where to begin as it’s not something you can just chat with friends about.
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I experienced sexual abuse and rape as a child and young adult. I went to therapy for a long time to truly work through it. This was key, with someone specialized in sexual assault. Free services are often available for this.
Self pleasure was pretty key for me – and always safe. I love the feeling of orgasming and let that become the sexual narrative. I learned my body, what turned me on, what turned me off, etc. I was able to start to replace the experiences I had with positive pst experiences and fantasies. I also explored the things that made me anxious related to trauma – having my neck even touched, for example. I would touch my neck or think about it, and also where my rel lines were with it.
I only shared my body with people I trusted and always discussed consent.
Sex is truly a part of my life I enjoy now in my 40s. It’s worth the work. I know it’s SO hard.
[removed]
Still working on it, but healthy clear boundaries being sure to go slow and only have intimacy with another when a foundation of trust is already growing is prob the biggest thing.
Therapy and communication with my husband. He and I both have experienced sexual trauma and we’ve both worked on our own healing in therapy. Now it’s a much safer experience focused on connection and intimacy together.
I will say that my negative experience was between partners. If I had a steady partner to support me, this would have looked different.
For me, it started with getting comfortable again in my body. I knew that if I couldn’t have positive experiences on my own, I would seek that reassurance and comfort from my sexual partners, which ultimately would not be fair.
Once I was OK by myself, I started dating and went through a phase of using sexual partners as cleanser. Like, if I had enough experiences with people who were not the trauma-er, maybe that would help me heal. And, somehow, despite that being a pretty fucked up framework on the surface, it was effective. Having multiple partners who respected me, valued me, and were kind— that did reassure me that it wasn’t always going to be like it had been that one time.
And then, when it came time to get serious with someone, I didn’t pressure myself to tell him right away. I knew it was something I would want to share eventually, but that it was OK to take time and share that when I felt ready.
Be patient with yourself. The road ahead may not be easy, but you deserve a healthy sex life. 💖
went through an ausive relatioship when teenager. It took me a long time to even want to reconnect with that part of myself. For a while, I thought I was broken — like I’d never be able to experience intimacy without flinching emotionally. What helped me most was going really slowly, on my terms, and only with someone who made me feel deeply safe, seen, and never rushed.
Therapy helped, but so did learning how to be in my body again… through dance, breathwork, and even just spending time alone, understanding what I like, not what I think I should like. The biggest shift was realizing I didn’t have to “perform” or meet some external standard. I try to always be present and curious.It’s still a journey, but it’s one that no longer feels shameful or scary.
I feel like people always assumed because of my past that I would have a bad relationship towards sex and what I like to do nowadays but I really don’t. I think what it is for me at least is that I focus on the now and the things I can control. My past is messed up and it’s definitely a large factor to how I am who I am now but it doesn’t have to strip my enjoyment away. I guess I just don’t want my trauma to take away something I genuinely enjoy so I just focus on the pleasures and what I like.
I think experimenting with my own self pleasure and even exploring safe communities where you can have open dialogue about sex have made me all more comfortable and happy with where I am at. The moment someone makes me uncomfortable and they don’t respect my boundaries I leave. Consent is sexy! I love it when my partners ask me something if they are unsure and I love having upfront conversations about it. To be honest nothing turns me on more than a person asking me if something is okay first!
I haven’t. I gave up years ago.
In all honesty – I haven’t. I was never assaulted in the classical sense, but countless bad experiences with several different people have caused me to become hopeless and upset at the entire topic.
I know men like me. I am sunshiny, tattoos and piercings, big breasts and ok looking. I understand that my appearance and my personality do things to them. I understand it’s not his fault he gets hard when I run around half nude. I get that he wants sex, he wants me to want it too. It’s an eternal dilemma – if I say no I know he’s frustrated, and then I can’t even touch him without him getting hard, and that makes me sad. So I pretend to like it – the sex is always the same, he cums and then it’s over. I cannot cum from another person, that’s never happened before.
Then I’ve got another week until this repeats.
I want good sex, I think about it often, I crave to finally be comfortable. I really want to enjoy it – but it’s just not happening, no matter how many years this drags on. I’m jealous of people who have managed to rebuild a good relationship with sex. I never had one to begin with – I wonder if I’ll ever be able to find peace with this.
I was r-worded 8 or 9 years ago, was a virgin when it happened. It’s never played in my head much, but I experience a lot of sexual dysfunction with my partner as a result. I have not found a way to figure it out, don’t even know where to begin as it’s not something you can just chat with friends about.