How have you self-sabotaged a relationship or breakup, and what did you do afterwards?
How have you self-sabotaged a relationship or breakup, and what did you do afterwards?
r/AskWomen
How have you self-sabotaged a relationship or breakup, and what did you do afterwards?
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At a time when I didn’t really know what I was doing, I had slandered and denied the status of a ex and I when people asked if we were together, out of fear of what would be thought of us since there were people in my/our group that didn’t like her much. When she found out, I took responsibility for what I said and took the L with the breakup because I deserved it lmao
Afterwards, I became humbled and became a lot more shameless and proud in who I showed off to the world as a love interest, made up with the ex over it overall years later
Yes I spent years and years living with the regret and would never do it again
I moved on. I let it go. There was fault on both sides and I was getting nowhere trying to repair it.
Yes for three years straight. My ex was an avoidant so our entire relationship was highs and lows and he wasn’t over his ex at the same time. Definitely loved him the more than any other guy I dated. I caused the breaks ups on and off from yelling at him to “love me” correctly and to get over his ex. But he was the one to always randomly come back months later and tell me he misses me/loves me. Currently in no contact for four months now. Sadly I’d take him back if he comes again. Right now I’m slowly dating others but now I’m avoidant in new relationships I’m trying to date in because I’m not over my ex and I’m honestly just wasting peoples time which is really messed up so I take long breaks. A lot of men ask me out all the time, I say yes then as said I become too detached in trying to build a new relationship with them
When I was really young like 16 I was with the first boy who actually treated me very well. His family took me in (my family was abusive). He was the first man I felt love from that didn’t pressure sex or intimacy. We dated a few years and one day I just decided I wasn’t good enough for him so I broke up with him the day before prom.
To this day I talk very highly of him (I married someone in the same friend group… small town).
Also when people have asked me about best dates or stuff like that one of his dates is my favorites.
I never apologized but sometimes I think about apologizing but haven’t because we are both married and I don’t want to come off as weird or still interested.
I had been trying to convince myself to leave a toxic boyfriend for over a year, so I cheated on him to force myself to leave him.
I’m not worthy of being loved and I will destroy the life of the other person, if I want or not. (That’s how I think).
going through this now. i let my mental health hit an absolute gutter rock bottom. i didn’t know how to fix things, i pushed him away all the time, often without realizing it. i wasn’t used to open, honest communication, and it scared me. i was dealing with unaddressed mental health issues, unhealed trauma, and isolation. his patience and our love for each other was helping me come alive again. but when things were getting better, i got hit with the major loss of my father and i fell back into old ways. ofc, it wasn’t all me, but i’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself.
right now, i’m learning to live with the shame, guilt and regret, while also understanding there are reasons why things happened. my new focus is on actually taking care of my mental health, life and feelings, instead of suppressing it all, and relying on someone else for emotional stability. i’m in therapy, and on meds. i’m trying to reach out to old and new friends, while also working towards the career i’ve wanted but gave up on around the pandemic. it’s a complete 180 of my life.
it takes a lot of strength and many reality checks in both directions, knowing i need to push myself more, but not hate myself for not yet being who i want to be. and i try not to reach out, even though i miss him all the time ): <3
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I apologized years later. He of course was gracious about it. It took me years of therapy to get to point of where I am today. A work in constant progress💖
I have a lot of trust issues bc of how others have treated me. A lot of insecurities about my looks and body. My constant worry made me seek validation and I reckon that was annoying. I’d like to say his actions eased my worries but it was his lack of trying to see me that made me worry more. Eventually I had to give up on him bc even if what he was saying was true (he’s still interested in me, I’m special to him, etc) his actions spoke otherwise. I’m sure my seeking of validation was off putting and maybe is partially the reason he didn’t try as hard but part of me also thinks he wasn’t gonna try at all and so I had to move on 🤷🏽♀️
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After going through a terrible relationship for a long time. My next relationship (now my husband thank God) was really hard to navigate on my part. It was a healthy relationship, after 8 years of a VERY unhealthy one. I realised about 8 months in that I had been acting and reacting how I would have in my previous one, when there was no need for it. Looking deeper into it, I realised I had begun to attempt to drive my new partner away because I did NOT know how to do a healthy relationships at all. Had to do a lot of personal work, and my now husband was there supporting me and gently encouraging me the whole way. I did not want to lose this connection with this wonderful human and had to realise my own bastard demons were driving me to treat him badly. Self sabotage is a hell of a thing, because for a decent amount of it, you don’t even realise you’re doing it.
Severe emotional neglect, disconnect, and disrespect. So, I started hanging out with someone else and moved out of dudes house and on in my life. Next guy didn’t last but I’ve been pretty good ever since all of that 👌
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I was not attentive or affectionate enough..I didn’t listen to his work problems enough..I didn’t love him enough..
When I was 15, I finally told the guy I had been crushing on for 3 years that I liked him, and he actually liked me back! We went on two dates and then he said he couldn’t hang out because he had to play in a soccer tournament at 2pm on a Tuesday. I accused him of lying to avoid spending time with me. He stopped wanting to be around me.
Turns out, he really was in competitive soccer and grew up to be a professional soccer player last I checked.
Ah, young love.
I really didn’t do much after, because I was a dumb teen, but I scared myself out of being too confrontational with future boyfriends for months when we started dating. I guess, sometimes, I still think it could’ve been cool to actually date someone who got all those sports scholarships.
Yes my ex fiancé. At the time I couldn’t figure out why I was ruining the relationship. I thought I was happy, I thought we never fought and had a good relationship. I went through some real emotions after the breakup wondering why I did it.
It wasn’t until I had gotten out and really been able to look at the relationship from the outside. This man did not like me nor respect me. I won’t go into all the details but this was an extremely manipulative relationship and I was verbally abused, talked down to and not respected at all. In fact there’s a ton of red flags with that man and the relationship and I’m lucky it never got far enough to be physical abuse but it certainly was going in that direction.
I may not have known it at the time or been able to process it, but that pull that brought me out of the relationship happened for a reason. It was certainly a trust your gut situation.
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