So recently my (36M) girlfriend (31F) and I were having a relationship check-in as we’d just passed our one year anniversary and she mentioned that she doesn’t feel that I find her sexy anymore, which to be honest is not something we’ve ever really talked about. I basically told her that I think she’s gorgeous and funny and smart and brought up how good our sex life is (and truly it’s the best I’ve had, we have amazing chemistry), and gushed about her some more before basically saying that I didn’t realize I’d been missing the mark, that she’s SO sexy to me, and that I’d work on making her believe that.
The thing is though, while I do find her attractive, I’m not sure I really find her like… SEXY sexy, ya know? But I’ve been with women who I felt that way about and them being sexy wasn’t worth all the problems that arose from having so many other incompatibilities. I see so many other men talk about what’s important to them in their relationships and more often than not, finding their partner sexy is more of a bonus than anything and that it’s more important that you feel safe/loved/respected etc. And with her I have just about everything I could ask for and don’t really feel like I’m missing out on anything.
I guess I’d also like to know how people go about making their partners feel sexy? It’s about 70/30 me/her for us who initiates sex, which I’d say is something we do typically 5 days a week so it’s not like there’s any dead bedroom stuff here (and again, the chemistry is VERY good). Should I just go overboard with compliments or being handsy or teasing (obviously as long as there’s consent). Maybe I should reflect and try to redefine what sexy means to me or something. It’s not like I don’t have the hunger that I associate with sexiness because when we’re both feeling frisky I definitely do, it’s just not an all the time thing (and frankly I wouldn’t want it to be, that would be exhausting).
Anyway, thanks for any insight!