She’s dead. I was able to heal a lot of my own problems and insecurities after she was gone and no longer downplaying or ignoring my achievements. I’m able to reflect on the positives and not just the fact that she was mentally ill and didn’t get me proper medical/psychiatric care as a child.
My mother’s told me numerous times she never wanted kids. She couldn’t wait until I turned 18 so she wouldn’t have to see me anymore. Had 2 kids because “society expected it”…
Haven’t seen her in about 20 years.
On one hand my life is calm without her constant insults, but it’ll always make me sad that I didn’t have a mother who loved me/had my back
Phenomenal, our family has been incredibly lucky to have generations of loving women that have bonded with their children and raised very good partners, so not only is it a good mother/daughter, it’s a good mother/ son, mother/daughter in law, mother/son in law.
We have lived a plane ride away for years, we FaceTime every day, god my Mom is fabulous. Just all love and comfort and joy.
Great. I love that woman. She is my Lorelei Gilmore. Unfortunately we live a couple of hours apart which saddens me a lot. But we travel to see each other frequently.
Pretty bad. I have never been able to forgive her for not standing up for me and my sister in the face of our father’s abuse and even if it weren’t for that, we’re simply too different as people to ever really like one another. Not to mention, we’re stuck in this cycle where I don’t contact her because I don’t want to, she doesn’t contact me because she thinks it’s my job to do that, and then she blows up at me months later for being a “bad daughter.” So, yeah ,🫠
Probably the best it’s ever been. When I was younger, it was rockier. My parents had gotten divorced, and my dad tried to pin her as the person who “ripped our family apart”, even telling me she wanted to abandon me and leave me with my dad. I believed him and hated her; I gave her a hard time while also dealing with teenage hormones.
I realized how terrible my dad was and my relationship with my mom improved. I graduated high school, started community college and got a job, and moved in with my mom and step dad, to get away from my dad. It was hard moving out after so young. By like, 15-16, all I wanted was to move in with my mom. I had finally gotten that at 17/18, and then I moved shortly after getting what I wanted.
Even after moving out, four hours away for five years, and then moving back home, we’ve always stayed close.
I love her, but I have shut her off, too. Mostly due to her being unable to handle her emotions if she feels like she is “failing” as a mother. As a teenager I had an eating disorder and she and my dad made things so much worse. She even cut herself in front of me and said ‘that’s how I made her feel when I hurt myself’. She then made me promise I wouldn’t tell my father.
Last year I relapsed into anorexia and I have lost around 80lbs — I’m still losing. I had to start therapy and nearly wound up in a partial hospitalisation program because I was not doing well. I ended up going into an intensive outpatient treatment program and I see my therapist twice a week, my psychiatrist/therapist #2 once a week and my dietitian every two weeks. They have absolutely no clue what I’m going through — if anything they are delighted I’m “skinny now” and that I “love myself” 🤡.
My therapists cannot understand how they haven’t noticed, but given their history with me, we have decided to keep them out of my treatment program because they wouldn’t have been much help at best, or would have made things a lot worse.
I’m still going through it and I was warned I might have to go into hospital if things don’t change, but thankfully I have an amazing network of people that support me.
It’s gotten better, but had been tenuous for a long time. I have a mentally ill sibling and it caused a lot of strain on my relationship with my mother because she became overly controlling of them through a series of high stress situations, and she kind of forgot how to mother in a normal way for her other kids. She was suffocating to be around, constantly meddling in her adult kids’ business.
Once I finally had the nerve to explosively tell her to back off (because she hadn’t listened when I tried subtle hints), she started realizing her kids are all individuals. She still slips back into old habits, but I can see she’s trying, so it’s made me let go of a lot of resentment I held.
Overall, very good, although my personality is definitely more like my dad and I’m a classic daddy‘s girl. She has some traits that probably fall into some classic boomer wife behavior, such as endless nagging. I’m very conscious and self-aware to never do that with my husband.
It’s good. I live with her right now so it’d be pretty uncomfortable if it wasn’t. We didn’t get along during my teens years at all, but once I moved out of the house for the first time, it got better. We get into our arguments still, but I love her
When I was a teenager and we lived under the same roof we had our challenges. Our personalities were different and we clashed pretty often.
Now she lives on the other side of the world and I miss her so much, we have grown so close and call almost everyday. She is my biggest supporter and I love her.
We are still different and may clash with opinions, but when you’re so far away from eachother you simply don’t have time to talk about things that may clash and never pops up.
A little bit of distance made our relationship blossom and the best parts of our relationship came or with that distance too.
I love her so much
One day I hope to move closer to take really good care of her so she and my dad never have to feel alone. It’s their first time living too since all the kids grew up and now they have all the time they need to enjoy and makeup for the time they spent raising us
She passed over a decade ago, but the woman was a saint and I adored her. It’s a heartbreak I’ve moved on from, but I’ll never completely heal. (Doesn’t mean we didn’t have our moments, lol. I’d just give anything to be annoyed with her one more time.) I still give thanks for her every day.
My mom was and is always great. I’ve been on my own since 18 but we transitioned very nicely from parent-child relationship to adult friends. We tell each other everything and I cherish our Monday phone calls where we catch each other up on our lives.
I’ve finally realized I love her but she’s not going to give me the emotional support I need. She’s been dismissive to my feelings my entire life which is definitely where I got my avoidant attachment from. But I also realize she was doing the best she could with the tools given to her, so I’m trying to show her grace.
She’s trying to turn into one of my lil friends WHOM SHE SWORE she was not my entire childhood. That’s my girl tho. Shoutout to the Queen of my life 💜💐
Shes had long term depression ever since I was a kid. She will never do anything about it. She lives life like a hermit, she won’t ever come out for dinners or any type of events, she just wants to keep her world small and stay at home. She complains and makes everything about herself. Every conversation is about herself. With any conversation she has with anyone she always turns it back about herself, its exhausting. All she has to talk about is her work, she just goes on about it and thats all she has at this point since she never goes out and does anything. Its like shes literally waiting to die at this point, she doesn’t live life.
I didn’t talk to her for 2 years because she disowned me for taking my dog with me when I bought a house. She would constantly use my dog to control me, make me do things for her, she wouldn’t allow me to see my dog sometimes. It was horrible. So when I took my dog she just didn’t talk to me for 2 years. She sent me a letter outlining the most petty crap possible. Like, when I would pour myself a glass of water in my childhood home she felt disrespected. That kind of petty crap.
Then 2 years ago we got talking again and built a bit of a relationship again. There will always be a level of awkwardness. Having a parent disown you really fucks you up. Really makes you question your self worth. During that time I had to be put on medication because even though the woman is fucked in the head, shes still my mom. Its still incredibly hard to know that you’re not wanted, youre not cared about. I got into a car accident while she wasn’t speaking to me and my first thought is “I could have died and my mom wouldn’t have cared about it”. That was my first thought and how the whole situation made me feel, that she just genuinely didn’t care. It really really did a number on me, to this day she still hasn’t apologized for it. She probably never will and never recognize the effect it had on me during those years.
There was other shit throughout the years shes done to me that were awful. Like she wanted me to commit fraud saying I wasn’t able bodied to work so she could get more money from my dad for their divorce. I am able bodied, healthy, with no ailments at all, and with a full time job. She would scream at me daily about their divorce, literally scream at me in the car about it every single day. She would constantly pit my sister and I against each other. So much other shit…
It was full of laughter, sleepovers, and no filter was necessary, but when it came to accountability, she struggled with that, I could tell at times she would see me like I was still that 7 yr old little girl who listened to anything and everything she said, but she struggled with navigating a relationship with her adult children. I was the closest to her and the bridge between her and my siblings. She would resent me when I told her what role she played in her having no communication with them, but she listened to me explain my points. She wrote emails, sent happy birthday texts, called for years. All she wanted was to have contact again with her estranged kids, unfortunately she passed away and so did one of the children she hadn’t talked to in over 3 years, all within 24 hrs of each other.
My mum wasn’t perfect, but she was more like a Roblox toy. Once everything lined up, she was the world’s greatest mum.
It’s pretty good. I can and do talk to her about most things. It does feel strained at times cuz as she’s gotten older she’s been making less and less of an effort to conceal my brother is her favorite lol
I love her so much. We used to be so close and now that I’ve grown she consistently disappoints me. She is self centered and self destructive. I would like to keep her in my life and but have to limit my interactions with her and keep my expectations very low.
She’s gone now. Before she became ill with dementia and Alzheimer’s, our relationship just kind of existed. It wasn’t especially good or bad. There were some happy moments, but also some painful, even traumatic ones. I’ve blocked out a lot over the years, so much of it feels like a blur. Still, I miss her and think about her every day. Sometimes I wish I could share things with her… little things she used to get excited about, like celebrity gossip and that sort of stuff
Slightly improved from half a decade ago but not like others. Not a lot of nurturing or “softness.” She wasn’t very emotionally available to me as a child and was downright cruel to me as a teen/young adult so that’s why things are the way they are.
I rarely see her since I moved out and when I lived at home it was very contentious.
She just prefers the company of her husband than her kids. That’s fine I guess.
I asked.tp take her out for Mother’s Day and she declined to have brunch with her husband, with whom she has no offspring…
I genuinely believe her to be a regretful parent Like, I feel like now that doesn’t doesn’t have to pay attention to her children, so she no longer does.
Not great. Better than it used to be, but we’ve never had and will never have a mother-daughter relationship. She was not a good mother and I sustained a lot of trauma from it.
Not great when I was a child or teenager, but good after I became an adult. When I was growing up, she very obviously favored my oldest brother over me and my other brother. She never played with me as a child. She never helped me with school. But she kept a very clean house and cooked daily so I can’t really complain. She had a lot of internalized sexism so that was tough for me growing up as a female. It was things like “housework belongs to women only”, and her trying to control what time I got home and where I was going but never applying the same rules for my brothers. She had a lot of anger where she would aggressively yell at me for hours if I did something wrong but she never did that to my brothers.
Now that I’m an adult, our relationship is much better. I see her or talk to her once a week and it’s a positive interaction 99% of the time.
I am currently in no contract. Because my dad is physically and psychologically abusive, and my mom is an enabler. Approximately 2 years ago, my dad physically attacked me and screamed at me right in front of her as I was trying to set up her new tablet with her, and she still chose him instead of protecting me.
Its fine, better than it used to be. She is clinically depressed and abuses prescription meds. She allows her mother and my father to take control of her life and decisions. I try to check in with her from time to time…when she actually answers the phone. I’m at peace with it, and hope she sees a therapist again ♡
It was so close. We talked almost daily. I was an only child for years before my younger siblings were born so it was just her and I for many years. She passed in 2019. I miss my best friend.
Never really had one. She left suddenly when we were little and showed zero interest in maintaining communication or a relationship with any of us. I adjusted well, my sister a little less so (she’s younger) and my brother (the oldest by four years) is still not over it 30 years later.
Okay. She is an alcoholic and doesn’t admit it. She doesn’t drink as much as she used to but it’s still triggering when she does and tries to hide it. The lying gets me more than anything.
its great my mom had me when she was 19 so we kinda grew up together. when i was 15 she had another daughter so its us 3 generations living under the same roof and we have girl dinner and constantly have a mess. shes hardworking and tough as nails on us but also the funniest most laid back person. the juxtaposition i feel really set me up in life i love her
Unfortunately our relationship is not good. She’s been a stay at home mom her entire life. She refuses to think for herself when it comes to difficult situations. Currently I am not speaking to my parents at all because they decided to drink the koolaid and join the maga cult to the extreme. She also read my diary when I was 16 and never apologized for it.
I went no contact with her because of the hate that she has decided to support and put into this world and the fact that I can not trust her with private information. Doesn’t matter that she’s just blindly following my father. It breaks my heart.
My mom and I are very close. But we both have medical issues which is how we bonded more. Sadly I spent half of my life caregiving for her despite my own health problems. Now I’m 30 and moved out, but she’s still one of the closest people I have. Doctors say that with her conditions she’s lucky if she has 5 years left. So I’m trying my best to see her on the weekends when I’m not working.
It was pretty strained my whole life. Now I’m in my 40’s, and she is in her 70’s. We’re finally getting to know each other as people. We’re closer than we’ve ever been. I made it a huge priority to repair the relationship before it’s too late.
We had a very strained relationship when I was a teen. We were both going through mental health issues that put us at odds. She was exhausted and didn’t want to deal with anything, so we barely spoke unless I was “harassing” her with my problems. She later felt bad for this but would also get defensive because she didn’t want to hear it. Everything was swept under the rug to fester.
It all changed when I got older and learned how to talk to her in a way that bypassed her defensiveness. She started really listening once she understood that not every discussion of issues needed to become an argument. She apologised when she messed up. She recognised her flaws and worked to improve them. She expressed love and affection to the extent that the house felt empty when she was gone for longer than a day. It still feels empty.
I had a mom who walked away and left me with my dad when I was around 2. Then dad married my stepmother who hated the sight of me, treated me poorly. Bio mom passed, never saw her. I FINALLY cut ties with stepmom about 3 years ago, I am 60 years old. Never felt better in my life. My heart hurts because I didn’t ever really have a mom….
Basically non existent. Whole they were together with my father she was very abusive and a horrible parent. When they split with my father I went with him and with age we have grown further and further apart. I see her like three times a year.
It is fantastic. About two years into college, I started making some stupid decisions and ended up pushing my parents away because of both my actions and deteriorating mental health. It was like that for about a decade. She and my father fought very hard during my last hospitalization to make sure I would have the community supports I needed when eventually discharged. I got set up with an amazing home and I now have an ACT team. It’s changed my life.
The last time I felt this way about my mother was before the treachery of my teenage years. I live about 45-50 minutes away and pretty much every weekend she drives about an hour and a half to get me so I can spend the weekend with her and my dad. She really hates driving and when she started doing this, that 45 minute ride to my parents’ house was the longest single trip I’ve ever seen her drive. Even when I was a child, she wouldn’t drive me to the town 10 minutes away. The fact that she does this is a wonderful example of actions speaking louder than words. My father and sister have also pulled me aside to tell me that and to keep up the good work (staying sober, taking care of my mental health) because she is doing things for me that they’ve never seen her do before.
We are very close and she really gets me. We have a lot of personality traits in common. She loves to laugh and I tend to be hilarious. We cook for each other. It’s like having a best friend that truly loves you and is always ready to help you through life, even when I’m going somewhere in life that she hasn’t been.
I’ve seen her cry at some of the familial insanity going on right now. Her mother has severe cancer, her father just turned 92, my paternal grandmother is in hospice, my sister is married to a sketchy loser and has a year and a half old child… Yeah. She loves everyone so much. She says that I always help uplift her and that just seeing me beside her smiling fills her heart with “love and joy.”
I don’t deserve a mother like her, but DAMN am I glad that I have her. I know she won’t be around forever and that breaks my heart, but she is still here now and I make sure that I get all of the time with her that I possibly can. I love you, Mom!!!
They only way we could be closer would be if she lived near me. I talk to her at least once a day. Text often and see each other about every 3 weeks. She’s my best friend! 💕
It was great…. We talked openly and we hung out frequently and even with whatever dumbass guy she had hanging around she was still her fun beautiful self… Now she’s left me for Florida with, shocker, another dumbass guy. Yet still, even though she left me like usual, I want to chase her. I’d do anything for things to be the way they were, no matter the state. I’ll always give her the benefit of the doubt, I’ve always made excuses for her. I feel like my other half has been ripped away from me.
Mine is a narcalicous. She has no interest in repairing our relations so I let her live her life, she’s 73. I no longer am waiting for her to pull it together. Lots of counseling and hypnosis has helped.
The relationship with my mom was always good, but I find since I had kids, I still like talking to her every day, but my feelings towards her are a little different. I still love her of course, but she’s got a phone addiction and is on it all the time and I wish she’d get off to interact more with her grandkids. She just seems checked out sometimes. To be clear, they live out of state so she only sees them like 3 times a year.
She kicked me out at 17, I’m now 22 and things are on the mend but holyyy it’s been a wild ride. Lots of love bombing since I’m the only child near her to give her attention which is all very strange because she stated herself that I was a problem since 7 years old and now she gives me shoes worth $250 a car for nothing?? I just don’t understand this woman
i used have long fights and scream at each other, she knows how to really push my buttons. in march my dad died, we have not had a fight since. Today I spent the day with her, and worked from her place, I mention not fighting in a while.
It’s improving only because I’ve set firm boundaries between us that involve a lot of distance both physically and emotionally. I called to wish her a happy mother’s day and she sobbed to me about how she finally understands how her actions affect other people and that it hurts her so much that I refuse to share anything personal with her anymore. On the bright side, it brought me and my sister closer together and I finally feel like I’m a worthy human being.
She was my childhood bully (one of them, the other was my sister). I was never thin enough. She constantly criticized my body. That had the opposite effect she wanted, because I’m an emotional eater.
I was never successful enough either- I wasn’t as good at school as she wanted me to be (as my sister was). It’s like she could never brag about me and it pissed her off.
My dad died a few years ago, and she probably wouldn’t be in my life now if he hadn’t basically told me I needed to take care of her. There’s so much guilt.
I can’t look at her without seeing who she was to teenage me. She says “I love you”. And I can’t ever say it back. My partner says “She’s trying”. But it’s too little too late. She spent too many of my formative years favoring my sister. She still makes so many excuses for her, excuses I never got.
It was fantastic. We of course had a strained one when I was a teen. But once I had children we became so close. She became my best friend. Before she passed I was lucky to ask her about everything in her life. She was my number one fan and number one supporter. She encouraged me to be myself and to be a better person. When you are a kid you don’t realize how much your parents are people too. I miss my mama every single day. But she also shows me signs she is still here
Where would I be without her. She’s a godgift, my only friend when she was ever called upon she’s my fucking best friend in the world, I trust her with my life! She’s my day one and my true one when it comes to anything or everything she is be one I would count on forever!
Very good but bad at the same time. I came from a culture where parents literally move the mountains for their kids. She raised both me and my sibling alone with minimal income and even made it possible for us to study abroad for college. She is now alone, and depressed because me and my sister were the meaning of her life. My sister settled down in a foreign country and I am expected to go back, but I have good working opportunity lined up in the new country. Because of all the sacrifices she already made for us, I am gonna go back to her. I know that I wont get as nearly as good opportunities there but I know I wont regret this decision later in my life as we only have limited time with her. Its an unsettling feeling tho because I dont know how my life tragectory will go if I constantly live with her. Someday I am inevitably gonna leave her and form a family, and she wont be prepared for it probably. Some might say I am prioritizing her mental sanity over long term solution, and I am probably doing that but I dont wanna see her suffer alone with no close friends and family. I will do absolutely everything for her, but sometimes I get the feeling like I am locked down to an unhealthy relationship.
F49 here. Interestingly, mine has become bad. 5 years ago, I went through a hard experience, and I saw how uninterested and incapable my mum is. Unable and uninterested in offering me any support or advice, or even asking me how I was doing. It made me realise that this was who my mum was growing up. I had always understood that i was a horrible & angry teen. I now see that i was angry because i was unseen. As a result of seeing who my mum is, I have pulled back. I can’t unsee who she is. I wish I hadn’t seen it. Ignorance truly is bliss. But as a result, I avoid her as much as I can, but still try to speak regularly. I’ve seen that every interaction with her, is her asking me to do something for her. But I’ve now come to expect it. It’s sad because I always thought we had a good relationship. We don’t. We didn’t. It was a one-sided relationship with me offering all of the support and love and advice. Since I’ve pulled back I both feel better, while also feeling lousy. I wonder if perimenopause did this ie the hormones start to decline and we are no longer able to give the blinding love and patience we used to.
As a child and teenager it was horrible, toxic and abusive. As I’ve grown into adulthood we’ve both grown a lot and found forgiveness and peace. We aren’t besties but we stay in touch.
I’ve been lucky to have a very good relationship with my mother.
We’ve certainly butted heads especially when I was a teenager but I think that’s to be expected at some level.
When I was a kid I had to take care of her a lot because she had poor health and I have had to deal with the issues that come from what was essentially parentification. But I’ve never held it against her. She didn’t choose to be sick.
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Strained. I’m pretty sure she prefers my little sis to me. Or at least that’s what is usually the reason for most fallouts between us.
Very good, it was strained for years but now it’s amazing
Horrible, and it’s gotten worse as I aged
Good but annoying
It’s great. My mom is one of my favorite people. We have a good time together and she gives me motherly advice.
I can’t tell right now honestly. It’s good but then turns bad quickly
She has early age alzheimers. She’s lost a lot of our shared interests and struggles to have conversations. I think it’s the best it can be.
She’s dead. I was able to heal a lot of my own problems and insecurities after she was gone and no longer downplaying or ignoring my achievements. I’m able to reflect on the positives and not just the fact that she was mentally ill and didn’t get me proper medical/psychiatric care as a child.
My mother’s told me numerous times she never wanted kids. She couldn’t wait until I turned 18 so she wouldn’t have to see me anymore. Had 2 kids because “society expected it”…
Haven’t seen her in about 20 years.
On one hand my life is calm without her constant insults, but it’ll always make me sad that I didn’t have a mother who loved me/had my back
Phenomenal, our family has been incredibly lucky to have generations of loving women that have bonded with their children and raised very good partners, so not only is it a good mother/daughter, it’s a good mother/ son, mother/daughter in law, mother/son in law.
We have lived a plane ride away for years, we FaceTime every day, god my Mom is fabulous. Just all love and comfort and joy.
Great. I love that woman. She is my Lorelei Gilmore. Unfortunately we live a couple of hours apart which saddens me a lot. But we travel to see each other frequently.
It was really good. I miss her so much. I wish I spent more time with her when I had the chance. It’s my biggest regret in life
Terrible, next question
Pretty bad. I have never been able to forgive her for not standing up for me and my sister in the face of our father’s abuse and even if it weren’t for that, we’re simply too different as people to ever really like one another. Not to mention, we’re stuck in this cycle where I don’t contact her because I don’t want to, she doesn’t contact me because she thinks it’s my job to do that, and then she blows up at me months later for being a “bad daughter.” So, yeah ,🫠
It’s improving. I’ve found ways to forgive her. It was very tumultuous earlier.
Touch and go. Amicable but can go bad quickly
Probably the best it’s ever been. When I was younger, it was rockier. My parents had gotten divorced, and my dad tried to pin her as the person who “ripped our family apart”, even telling me she wanted to abandon me and leave me with my dad. I believed him and hated her; I gave her a hard time while also dealing with teenage hormones.
I realized how terrible my dad was and my relationship with my mom improved. I graduated high school, started community college and got a job, and moved in with my mom and step dad, to get away from my dad. It was hard moving out after so young. By like, 15-16, all I wanted was to move in with my mom. I had finally gotten that at 17/18, and then I moved shortly after getting what I wanted.
Even after moving out, four hours away for five years, and then moving back home, we’ve always stayed close.
At times great. At times difficult.
I love her, but I have shut her off, too. Mostly due to her being unable to handle her emotions if she feels like she is “failing” as a mother. As a teenager I had an eating disorder and she and my dad made things so much worse. She even cut herself in front of me and said ‘that’s how I made her feel when I hurt myself’. She then made me promise I wouldn’t tell my father.
Last year I relapsed into anorexia and I have lost around 80lbs — I’m still losing. I had to start therapy and nearly wound up in a partial hospitalisation program because I was not doing well. I ended up going into an intensive outpatient treatment program and I see my therapist twice a week, my psychiatrist/therapist #2 once a week and my dietitian every two weeks. They have absolutely no clue what I’m going through — if anything they are delighted I’m “skinny now” and that I “love myself” 🤡.
My therapists cannot understand how they haven’t noticed, but given their history with me, we have decided to keep them out of my treatment program because they wouldn’t have been much help at best, or would have made things a lot worse.
I’m still going through it and I was warned I might have to go into hospital if things don’t change, but thankfully I have an amazing network of people that support me.
She passed, and I wish her peace, but hopefully not near me when it’s my time to go.
Great. It has always been good. She always went the extra mile to make me feel loved and understood. I was kind of snarky to her as a teenager though.
It’s gotten better, but had been tenuous for a long time. I have a mentally ill sibling and it caused a lot of strain on my relationship with my mother because she became overly controlling of them through a series of high stress situations, and she kind of forgot how to mother in a normal way for her other kids. She was suffocating to be around, constantly meddling in her adult kids’ business.
Once I finally had the nerve to explosively tell her to back off (because she hadn’t listened when I tried subtle hints), she started realizing her kids are all individuals. She still slips back into old habits, but I can see she’s trying, so it’s made me let go of a lot of resentment I held.
Overall, very good, although my personality is definitely more like my dad and I’m a classic daddy‘s girl. She has some traits that probably fall into some classic boomer wife behavior, such as endless nagging. I’m very conscious and self-aware to never do that with my husband.
It’s good. I live with her right now so it’d be pretty uncomfortable if it wasn’t. We didn’t get along during my teens years at all, but once I moved out of the house for the first time, it got better. We get into our arguments still, but I love her
Great! She’s my bestie!!
Excellent! I’d move mountains for her! My time is cherished!
When I was a teenager and we lived under the same roof we had our challenges. Our personalities were different and we clashed pretty often.
Now she lives on the other side of the world and I miss her so much, we have grown so close and call almost everyday. She is my biggest supporter and I love her.
We are still different and may clash with opinions, but when you’re so far away from eachother you simply don’t have time to talk about things that may clash and never pops up.
A little bit of distance made our relationship blossom and the best parts of our relationship came or with that distance too.
I love her so much
One day I hope to move closer to take really good care of her so she and my dad never have to feel alone. It’s their first time living too since all the kids grew up and now they have all the time they need to enjoy and makeup for the time they spent raising us
I love her but she doesn’t know how to love me in a healthy way
She passed over a decade ago, but the woman was a saint and I adored her. It’s a heartbreak I’ve moved on from, but I’ll never completely heal. (Doesn’t mean we didn’t have our moments, lol. I’d just give anything to be annoyed with her one more time.) I still give thanks for her every day.
Pretty good she got tipsy on the phone last weekend and I gave her the “ what are you over there drinking?” Like I’m the parent 🤣
It’s good.
Amazing. She’s like a mom and big sister all in one.
My mom was and is always great. I’ve been on my own since 18 but we transitioned very nicely from parent-child relationship to adult friends. We tell each other everything and I cherish our Monday phone calls where we catch each other up on our lives.
I do not communicate with her.
Good
I’ve finally realized I love her but she’s not going to give me the emotional support I need. She’s been dismissive to my feelings my entire life which is definitely where I got my avoidant attachment from. But I also realize she was doing the best she could with the tools given to her, so I’m trying to show her grace.
She’s trying to turn into one of my lil friends WHOM SHE SWORE she was not my entire childhood. That’s my girl tho. Shoutout to the Queen of my life 💜💐
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Not great.
Shes had long term depression ever since I was a kid. She will never do anything about it. She lives life like a hermit, she won’t ever come out for dinners or any type of events, she just wants to keep her world small and stay at home. She complains and makes everything about herself. Every conversation is about herself. With any conversation she has with anyone she always turns it back about herself, its exhausting. All she has to talk about is her work, she just goes on about it and thats all she has at this point since she never goes out and does anything. Its like shes literally waiting to die at this point, she doesn’t live life.
I didn’t talk to her for 2 years because she disowned me for taking my dog with me when I bought a house. She would constantly use my dog to control me, make me do things for her, she wouldn’t allow me to see my dog sometimes. It was horrible. So when I took my dog she just didn’t talk to me for 2 years. She sent me a letter outlining the most petty crap possible. Like, when I would pour myself a glass of water in my childhood home she felt disrespected. That kind of petty crap.
Then 2 years ago we got talking again and built a bit of a relationship again. There will always be a level of awkwardness. Having a parent disown you really fucks you up. Really makes you question your self worth. During that time I had to be put on medication because even though the woman is fucked in the head, shes still my mom. Its still incredibly hard to know that you’re not wanted, youre not cared about. I got into a car accident while she wasn’t speaking to me and my first thought is “I could have died and my mom wouldn’t have cared about it”. That was my first thought and how the whole situation made me feel, that she just genuinely didn’t care. It really really did a number on me, to this day she still hasn’t apologized for it. She probably never will and never recognize the effect it had on me during those years.
There was other shit throughout the years shes done to me that were awful. Like she wanted me to commit fraud saying I wasn’t able bodied to work so she could get more money from my dad for their divorce. I am able bodied, healthy, with no ailments at all, and with a full time job. She would scream at me daily about their divorce, literally scream at me in the car about it every single day. She would constantly pit my sister and I against each other. So much other shit…
Ugh. Yeah.
It was full of laughter, sleepovers, and no filter was necessary, but when it came to accountability, she struggled with that, I could tell at times she would see me like I was still that 7 yr old little girl who listened to anything and everything she said, but she struggled with navigating a relationship with her adult children. I was the closest to her and the bridge between her and my siblings. She would resent me when I told her what role she played in her having no communication with them, but she listened to me explain my points. She wrote emails, sent happy birthday texts, called for years. All she wanted was to have contact again with her estranged kids, unfortunately she passed away and so did one of the children she hadn’t talked to in over 3 years, all within 24 hrs of each other.
My mum wasn’t perfect, but she was more like a Roblox toy. Once everything lined up, she was the world’s greatest mum.
It’s pretty good. I can and do talk to her about most things. It does feel strained at times cuz as she’s gotten older she’s been making less and less of an effort to conceal my brother is her favorite lol
I love her so much. We used to be so close and now that I’ve grown she consistently disappoints me. She is self centered and self destructive. I would like to keep her in my life and but have to limit my interactions with her and keep my expectations very low.
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We used to clash a lot in my childhood and teenage years, but it got significantly better once I moved out. Our relationship is really good now.
She’s gone now. Before she became ill with dementia and Alzheimer’s, our relationship just kind of existed. It wasn’t especially good or bad. There were some happy moments, but also some painful, even traumatic ones. I’ve blocked out a lot over the years, so much of it feels like a blur. Still, I miss her and think about her every day. Sometimes I wish I could share things with her… little things she used to get excited about, like celebrity gossip and that sort of stuff
Not that great. She treats my brother better
Slightly improved from half a decade ago but not like others. Not a lot of nurturing or “softness.” She wasn’t very emotionally available to me as a child and was downright cruel to me as a teen/young adult so that’s why things are the way they are.
It’s….there.
I rarely see her since I moved out and when I lived at home it was very contentious.
She just prefers the company of her husband than her kids. That’s fine I guess.
I asked.tp take her out for Mother’s Day and she declined to have brunch with her husband, with whom she has no offspring…
I genuinely believe her to be a regretful parent Like, I feel like now that doesn’t doesn’t have to pay attention to her children, so she no longer does.
Healing. Getting better with age
Bad
Blissfully nonexistent
Biological mother passed away almost 13 years ago. I’m no-contact with my foster mom.
Not great. Better than it used to be, but we’ve never had and will never have a mother-daughter relationship. She was not a good mother and I sustained a lot of trauma from it.
Not great when I was a child or teenager, but good after I became an adult. When I was growing up, she very obviously favored my oldest brother over me and my other brother. She never played with me as a child. She never helped me with school. But she kept a very clean house and cooked daily so I can’t really complain. She had a lot of internalized sexism so that was tough for me growing up as a female. It was things like “housework belongs to women only”, and her trying to control what time I got home and where I was going but never applying the same rules for my brothers. She had a lot of anger where she would aggressively yell at me for hours if I did something wrong but she never did that to my brothers.
Now that I’m an adult, our relationship is much better. I see her or talk to her once a week and it’s a positive interaction 99% of the time.
Me and my mother are pretty close. She loves just down the street. We go out once or twice a month to hang out.
Good. But got better with distance.
We have a good relationship. I’m lucky to have a loving mother.
Strained.
Bad.
I am currently in no contract. Because my dad is physically and psychologically abusive, and my mom is an enabler. Approximately 2 years ago, my dad physically attacked me and screamed at me right in front of her as I was trying to set up her new tablet with her, and she still chose him instead of protecting me.
So I had to choose myself.
Its fine, better than it used to be. She is clinically depressed and abuses prescription meds. She allows her mother and my father to take control of her life and decisions. I try to check in with her from time to time…when she actually answers the phone. I’m at peace with it, and hope she sees a therapist again ♡
Amazing. She raised me as a single mom, and she’s the strongest person I’ve ever seen. Except when she’s driving, then we’re throwing hands 😆
It depends on the day…
It was so close. We talked almost daily. I was an only child for years before my younger siblings were born so it was just her and I for many years. She passed in 2019. I miss my best friend.
I love and trust my mother with my whole heart. I’ll be a mess when she’s gone.
Mixed. I love her and don’t like her at the same time. I don’t want to be like her but I also admire her sometimes. It’s confusing.
When I was younger our relationship struggled quite a bit, but other than that it’s usually pretty solid. She’s a cool gal and we’re great friends.
You mean the Angel of Wisdom that is my mother? We have a fantastic relationship, I honestly would not be the man I am to day without my mom!
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Never really had one. She left suddenly when we were little and showed zero interest in maintaining communication or a relationship with any of us. I adjusted well, my sister a little less so (she’s younger) and my brother (the oldest by four years) is still not over it 30 years later.
Okay. She is an alcoholic and doesn’t admit it. She doesn’t drink as much as she used to but it’s still triggering when she does and tries to hide it. The lying gets me more than anything.
its great my mom had me when she was 19 so we kinda grew up together. when i was 15 she had another daughter so its us 3 generations living under the same roof and we have girl dinner and constantly have a mess. shes hardworking and tough as nails on us but also the funniest most laid back person. the juxtaposition i feel really set me up in life i love her
Non existent. She’d been a shitty mom from the jump. Finally in 2020 I had enough and stopped taking her calls. Life is so much better now.
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At 12 I found my mom so annoying now at 26 I find myself wanting to hold on to her for as long as I can!! I love my mom fr
I’ll preface this as I will always love my mom.
Unfortunately our relationship is not good. She’s been a stay at home mom her entire life. She refuses to think for herself when it comes to difficult situations. Currently I am not speaking to my parents at all because they decided to drink the koolaid and join the maga cult to the extreme. She also read my diary when I was 16 and never apologized for it.
I went no contact with her because of the hate that she has decided to support and put into this world and the fact that I can not trust her with private information. Doesn’t matter that she’s just blindly following my father. It breaks my heart.
My mom and I are very close. But we both have medical issues which is how we bonded more. Sadly I spent half of my life caregiving for her despite my own health problems. Now I’m 30 and moved out, but she’s still one of the closest people I have. Doctors say that with her conditions she’s lucky if she has 5 years left. So I’m trying my best to see her on the weekends when I’m not working.
It was pretty strained my whole life. Now I’m in my 40’s, and she is in her 70’s. We’re finally getting to know each other as people. We’re closer than we’ve ever been. I made it a huge priority to repair the relationship before it’s too late.
My mom died ten months ago. I miss her every day.
We had a very strained relationship when I was a teen. We were both going through mental health issues that put us at odds. She was exhausted and didn’t want to deal with anything, so we barely spoke unless I was “harassing” her with my problems. She later felt bad for this but would also get defensive because she didn’t want to hear it. Everything was swept under the rug to fester.
It all changed when I got older and learned how to talk to her in a way that bypassed her defensiveness. She started really listening once she understood that not every discussion of issues needed to become an argument. She apologised when she messed up. She recognised her flaws and worked to improve them. She expressed love and affection to the extent that the house felt empty when she was gone for longer than a day. It still feels empty.
My mother has died, and I was estranged from her for my entire adult life.
Excellent and I love her for that!
I had a mom who walked away and left me with my dad when I was around 2. Then dad married my stepmother who hated the sight of me, treated me poorly. Bio mom passed, never saw her. I FINALLY cut ties with stepmom about 3 years ago, I am 60 years old. Never felt better in my life. My heart hurts because I didn’t ever really have a mom….
Basically non existent. Whole they were together with my father she was very abusive and a horrible parent. When they split with my father I went with him and with age we have grown further and further apart. I see her like three times a year.
Good!
It is fantastic. About two years into college, I started making some stupid decisions and ended up pushing my parents away because of both my actions and deteriorating mental health. It was like that for about a decade. She and my father fought very hard during my last hospitalization to make sure I would have the community supports I needed when eventually discharged. I got set up with an amazing home and I now have an ACT team. It’s changed my life.
The last time I felt this way about my mother was before the treachery of my teenage years. I live about 45-50 minutes away and pretty much every weekend she drives about an hour and a half to get me so I can spend the weekend with her and my dad. She really hates driving and when she started doing this, that 45 minute ride to my parents’ house was the longest single trip I’ve ever seen her drive. Even when I was a child, she wouldn’t drive me to the town 10 minutes away. The fact that she does this is a wonderful example of actions speaking louder than words. My father and sister have also pulled me aside to tell me that and to keep up the good work (staying sober, taking care of my mental health) because she is doing things for me that they’ve never seen her do before.
We are very close and she really gets me. We have a lot of personality traits in common. She loves to laugh and I tend to be hilarious. We cook for each other. It’s like having a best friend that truly loves you and is always ready to help you through life, even when I’m going somewhere in life that she hasn’t been.
I’ve seen her cry at some of the familial insanity going on right now. Her mother has severe cancer, her father just turned 92, my paternal grandmother is in hospice, my sister is married to a sketchy loser and has a year and a half old child… Yeah. She loves everyone so much. She says that I always help uplift her and that just seeing me beside her smiling fills her heart with “love and joy.”
I don’t deserve a mother like her, but DAMN am I glad that I have her. I know she won’t be around forever and that breaks my heart, but she is still here now and I make sure that I get all of the time with her that I possibly can. I love you, Mom!!!
It improved because I moved out. It made her realize she needed to get help. We’ve had some good conversations. But still slowly repairing things.
It’s not a perfect relationship by any means. But she has changed.
They only way we could be closer would be if she lived near me. I talk to her at least once a day. Text often and see each other about every 3 weeks. She’s my best friend! 💕
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It was great…. We talked openly and we hung out frequently and even with whatever dumbass guy she had hanging around she was still her fun beautiful self… Now she’s left me for Florida with, shocker, another dumbass guy. Yet still, even though she left me like usual, I want to chase her. I’d do anything for things to be the way they were, no matter the state. I’ll always give her the benefit of the doubt, I’ve always made excuses for her. I feel like my other half has been ripped away from me.
I’d choose her to be my mom in every lifetime, every world, every version of reality .
Mine is a narcalicous. She has no interest in repairing our relations so I let her live her life, she’s 73. I no longer am waiting for her to pull it together. Lots of counseling and hypnosis has helped.
Complicated
The relationship with my mom was always good, but I find since I had kids, I still like talking to her every day, but my feelings towards her are a little different. I still love her of course, but she’s got a phone addiction and is on it all the time and I wish she’d get off to interact more with her grandkids. She just seems checked out sometimes. To be clear, they live out of state so she only sees them like 3 times a year.
The what?
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She kicked me out at 17, I’m now 22 and things are on the mend but holyyy it’s been a wild ride. Lots of love bombing since I’m the only child near her to give her attention which is all very strange because she stated herself that I was a problem since 7 years old and now she gives me shoes worth $250 a car for nothing?? I just don’t understand this woman
It was fine-ish growing up, bad as a teen, fine if superficial as an adult, then I went NC and it’s fantastic in its non-existence now.
The best, she’s a bit overprotective but I’m glad I have her. She’s my best friend.
She doesn’t like me
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i used have long fights and scream at each other, she knows how to really push my buttons. in march my dad died, we have not had a fight since. Today I spent the day with her, and worked from her place, I mention not fighting in a while.
It’s improving only because I’ve set firm boundaries between us that involve a lot of distance both physically and emotionally. I called to wish her a happy mother’s day and she sobbed to me about how she finally understands how her actions affect other people and that it hurts her so much that I refuse to share anything personal with her anymore. On the bright side, it brought me and my sister closer together and I finally feel like I’m a worthy human being.
She was my childhood bully (one of them, the other was my sister). I was never thin enough. She constantly criticized my body. That had the opposite effect she wanted, because I’m an emotional eater.
I was never successful enough either- I wasn’t as good at school as she wanted me to be (as my sister was). It’s like she could never brag about me and it pissed her off.
My dad died a few years ago, and she probably wouldn’t be in my life now if he hadn’t basically told me I needed to take care of her. There’s so much guilt.
I can’t look at her without seeing who she was to teenage me. She says “I love you”. And I can’t ever say it back. My partner says “She’s trying”. But it’s too little too late. She spent too many of my formative years favoring my sister. She still makes so many excuses for her, excuses I never got.
It’s a struggle.
Depends on which mother of mine we are talking about. Each one tucked me up in their own way. So I guess not good is the answer.
Now I am better off than both of them are and have them begging me for money.
It was fantastic. We of course had a strained one when I was a teen. But once I had children we became so close. She became my best friend. Before she passed I was lucky to ask her about everything in her life. She was my number one fan and number one supporter. She encouraged me to be myself and to be a better person. When you are a kid you don’t realize how much your parents are people too. I miss my mama every single day. But she also shows me signs she is still here
Where would I be without her. She’s a godgift, my only friend when she was ever called upon she’s my fucking best friend in the world, I trust her with my life! She’s my day one and my true one when it comes to anything or everything she is be one I would count on forever!
excellent she died in 1982
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Very good but bad at the same time. I came from a culture where parents literally move the mountains for their kids. She raised both me and my sibling alone with minimal income and even made it possible for us to study abroad for college. She is now alone, and depressed because me and my sister were the meaning of her life. My sister settled down in a foreign country and I am expected to go back, but I have good working opportunity lined up in the new country. Because of all the sacrifices she already made for us, I am gonna go back to her. I know that I wont get as nearly as good opportunities there but I know I wont regret this decision later in my life as we only have limited time with her. Its an unsettling feeling tho because I dont know how my life tragectory will go if I constantly live with her. Someday I am inevitably gonna leave her and form a family, and she wont be prepared for it probably. Some might say I am prioritizing her mental sanity over long term solution, and I am probably doing that but I dont wanna see her suffer alone with no close friends and family. I will do absolutely everything for her, but sometimes I get the feeling like I am locked down to an unhealthy relationship.
Nonexistent next question.
F49 here. Interestingly, mine has become bad. 5 years ago, I went through a hard experience, and I saw how uninterested and incapable my mum is. Unable and uninterested in offering me any support or advice, or even asking me how I was doing. It made me realise that this was who my mum was growing up. I had always understood that i was a horrible & angry teen. I now see that i was angry because i was unseen. As a result of seeing who my mum is, I have pulled back. I can’t unsee who she is. I wish I hadn’t seen it. Ignorance truly is bliss. But as a result, I avoid her as much as I can, but still try to speak regularly. I’ve seen that every interaction with her, is her asking me to do something for her. But I’ve now come to expect it. It’s sad because I always thought we had a good relationship. We don’t. We didn’t. It was a one-sided relationship with me offering all of the support and love and advice. Since I’ve pulled back I both feel better, while also feeling lousy. I wonder if perimenopause did this ie the hormones start to decline and we are no longer able to give the blinding love and patience we used to.
As a child and teenager it was horrible, toxic and abusive. As I’ve grown into adulthood we’ve both grown a lot and found forgiveness and peace. We aren’t besties but we stay in touch.
I’ve been lucky to have a very good relationship with my mother.
We’ve certainly butted heads especially when I was a teenager but I think that’s to be expected at some level.
When I was a kid I had to take care of her a lot because she had poor health and I have had to deal with the issues that come from what was essentially parentification. But I’ve never held it against her. She didn’t choose to be sick.