How long did you wear “rose colored glasses” before realizing someone wasn’t worth your time? And what made you realize it?
How long did you wear “rose colored glasses” before realizing someone wasn’t worth your time? And what made you realize it?
r/AskWomen
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My story is a little unconventional. I wore rose-colored glasses for months, waiting for him to choose me, and it paid off; I read his emotions correctly, empathized with his situation, and waited. In retrospect, I don’t think it was wise or necessarily healthy, but our relationship now is deep and strong.
That is something I have never been very good at. I tend to ignore red flags a lot longer than I should.
2 years… and I’m afraid I’d still fold, given the chance.
On and off for four years. Then I realized he wasn’t only drinking when we went out, but every single day. Lots and lots of beer every day. He was an alcoholic and I didn’t see the whole picture until I took off the glasses. Not worth my time if you want to stay drunk and never deal with life.
I was married for years.
8-9 months. My sister felt in her big sister spirit that something was off with me so she drove 5 hours to my college town to check on me. I told her what was going on and she gave me some tough but needed love that really opened my eyes. Ended the relationship that same day.
8 years. He became Trump obsessed and I was/am absolutely NOT. I kept waiting for him to chill with it and tried waiting til the 2020 election but we didn’t make it that far. It took 2 years of hating his guts before I left.
Two years. I ended up sacrificing something extremely important to me just so I wouldn’t have to manage his emotions/insecurities and deeply regretted it. That was the final straw.
3 years and I only realized it after my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. His reply was “they’ll just cut it out and everything will be fine, no use crying about it.”
Hmnn a year and a half I realized I was happier away from him. Once I looked past the fact he was successful and saw he really was shallow and not someone I wanted to bring around the mans had to go
So far? Five years. Trying to figure out how to get out of this mess…
I wore the glasses for most of my twenties. Actually, I never took them off. He did… He went to a party one night and never came home. Two years later he was married to her. I’m gratefulto him now, but damn it hurt at the time.
He started to take the conversations too sexually, and that made me drop my rose tinted glasses
Esp when he had done it before, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt.. that it may be normal to feel horny around someone you’re attracted to..
But I communicated, he’d say I am right.. he stopped, I waited and waited and waited
Until I realised that’s what he mostly cared about, so yeahh.. I feel a bit angry. Also I hope my sense of judgement was not altered by rose tinted glasses.
02:30 12/05
12 years and the glasses are slowly coming off. I’m still wearing them every other day. But, I take them off every time he disrespects and degrades me… they come off more often these days, and they’re getting heavier each time.
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About 2 years. New relationship energy wearing out coupled with a lot of boundary overstepping on their part led us to couple counseling, which completely shattered the glasses. Things that came out after made me question my sanity for not seeing what was going on.
When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
A long time. Over a decade. On top of all the other shit, it took me growing up and a friend of HIS asking why it would be so hard to get a divorce while he was actively having a psychotic break for me to just … leave.
If I ask myself “do I feel seen, heard, respected and honored?” and if any of those are NO, it’s a no-go.
1 1/2 years. Recently split as of 2 weeks ago. Quitting marijuana and ignoring all the problems made me wake up and realise this is NOT right. Never felt better, I can sleep again and no more anxiety in my stomach.
He started stealing my weed and after we broke up, he started banging my mom. Those mf glasses came off real real quick
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I wore it for about 6 months. I had gotten off from working a long shift, and he decided to go see his lady friend and her family, before spending time with me. I would have been exhausted and sleepy by the time he’d arrived.
Until I absolutely couldn’t anymore, it was on and off for the last two years of a six year relationship. I started realizing it when I became use to his behavior with/towards me, instead of being deeply upset/disappointed/angry, my new ‘normal’ was actually not normal. My mom was right when she told me “It’ll grow old, you’ll grow tired.” I wish I hadn’t been so stubborn lol.
A little less than a year. Going through this right now actually… I chose to adapt and worked overtime to make sure I was pretty much always putting my best foot forward (I had a few moments of weakness). I recently realized he has never put in the same amount of effort or work as I have, and more than that, he didn’t see how much I had adjusted to fit him and his life. The breakup actually isn’t final yet, but pending for our talk on Sunday. I just wanted someone who wanted the same emotional connection and intimacy I did, and I’m not sure if he’s never going to be capable of that or just not capable of that currently, but I’m done shrinking myself and my needs for the sake of others.
Shamed to admit it, but 8 years. I stayed until I hated him, and ended up with autoimmune diseases.
8 years. He was so great at first. We got married and he eventually lowered my self esteem enough that he convinced me to bring other people into our love life. Once that began happening, he took that as a pass to cheat freely. I’m sure he was probably doing it anyway but it was no holds barred then. We finally got divorced. I was convinced that I NEEDED him and couldn’t survive without him. It took me years to get over him. I was single for 10 years. I’m so happy now though. Happier than I’ve ever been. I’m married to the love of my life and he treats me like a princess!
10 years. I’m an idiot and an incurable optimist. Saw their mugshot. 🤦🏽♀️
15 looooong years !!!
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3 years. I finally realized his trauma was just too much for me. He was SO conflict avoidant that he would freeze and shut down the moment I even gently approached a subject about our relationship that we needed to talk about. At first I didn’t know how to do it correctly so I do take responsibility for that. But I learned. I read up on being a trauma informed partner. I was empathetic, I felt where he was coming from, I gave him space to process, I didn’t attack, I put the conversation in his control. Be he still refused to come to the table. At the end of the day I just needed a partner who could show up and talk about difficult subjects even if it meant it would be uncomfortable sometimes.
Wearing them since 2017. We don’t talk anymore, not really. He reaches out in a flurry over text every once in awhile and we are right back to where we always were. Just so in sync, but it isn’t real. He didn’t choose me. He’s married. I haven’t seen him since then—I wouldn’t do that to his wife, or myself. But I dream about him. And I just accept I will always love this person from afar, even though he doesn’t necessarily deserve it. Nobody will ever make me laugh like he did.
I realise I will give everything for him but he won’t even consider to drop something even for the smallest thing
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3 years. I just needed to change my therapist. And fine someone better.
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When he proposed to me in year 5. Because of how he did it, it was a very clear sign he disregarded my wants, didn’t know me at all, and just did things because he was supposed to, or because it was in his best interest.
I stayed with him for another two years because we had a child together, but I left him after a nail in the coffin moment. I tried really hard to “water my own grass” so to speak, during those two years. It was a very painful split, I moved on sooner than I should have because I had fallen out of love with him and had been out of love for quite some time.
It’s been 6 years. He stopped drinking and became a better father after I left him. I give him all the props in the world to be honest. He was very hurt when I left him, but when I got pregnant I made him promise we would be friends first for our son before anything. It took some time for him to realize I meant it, and now we raise our son as friends and coparent quite well together. The kiddo comes first for both of us.
He would be a good partner now I think to the right person, but I don’t know if he’s going to find that person. I want him to, truly.
3 years 🥲 though it wasn’t entirely unintentional. I didn’t know it was things that wouldn’t change yet, but can confidently say that we tried. When I finally realized it we broke up within the week.
Just ended another thing this week, and that was after 2 months. So I guess I’m learning 🙂
When my ex husband told me he would chop me up and throw me in a ditch on the farm we lived on. That he knew just the spot.
I realized he was a fucking monster. That was 2 years into our marriage.
He had me thrown in jail after I told him I wanted a divorce and I called the cops so he wouldn’t hurt me.
I was so beaten with Stockholm’s or something that I got scared when they showed up. I wouldn’t tell them anything. He said I attacked him.
He also snuck a weed pipe in my purse to get me an extra charge.
I had to stay until he could no longer go back and press charges and I had somewhere safe to go.
Three long years it took. So I took the glasses off at 2 years and finally got to escape at 5.
8 years.
I held a bit back for myself because things felt off those last 2 years.
The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was an intimate birthday card from another woman. As soon as I made the choice to leave, I saw the entire relationship differently.
Hard core for a little over a year. I thought he was perfect and all his quirks were cute. Finally I realized my self respect had to be stronger than my desire to be chosen. Thanks to therapy I realized that and when the glasses came off, I realized he was an avoidant mess I would not feel secure dating and was someone I wouldn’t even want my friends dating.
For me, it’s more than relationships. I’ve spent a lot of time working really hard to fight for things— work, family, relationships, friends, and money/success. It was always a battle and I was always proving my worth—or over extending to feel good or like I belonged.
I guess the glasses fell off when I realized all these things were outside of me—and it always left me dissatisfied to receive it. I tolerated bad behavior and environments that hurt me over and over because I felt I deserved it or had to help fix it somehow.
Now I just have a lot more boundaries. The reality is very simple: that i no longer abandoned myself just to feel a sense of belonging. Real belonging doesn’t require me to bend, over-give, over explain, or change myself. Belonging is being ok with yourself and not looking outside for worthiness
Four… f***ing… years…
I was in love with my guy best friend for four years. He was charming and smooth. The popular boy.
We would text everyday and call almost every night.
However, in the last year, I realised he would never love me back, so I started to look elsewhere.
I found my lovely boyfriend who treats me like i’m his whole world.
I still stayed in contact with my guy bsf but kept my distance. It was over this distance I realised how narcissistic he was, and how he only kept me around for his own entertainment. I kept asking him to tell me about his day, and I would get one word answers, compared to my boyfriend who would give me a whole rundown. The difference between the two of them as well, was that my boyfriend actually is interested in what I have to say, rather than just dismissing or invalidating my opinions. My boyfriend also loves me for who I am and my appearance, whereas my guy bsf would just state things that I should change about myself.
My guy bsf damaged my self esteem for four years, especially about my skin colour. My boyfriend, within four months, has managed to uplift me and feel good about myself.
I finally cut my guy bsf off about a week ago after a fight. He complained that i was being distant and that I was just “being a woman with a woman brain”. I realised he was getting sucked into a phase of toxic masculinity (as I was aware of what he watched on youtube and stuff). I told him that he can’t keep resulting to trauma from his past relationships to explain why he has problems with committment and effort. He told me I was the reason that he had those problems (I told him once that I liked him very early into our friendship, he said no). He then apologised for it and said that he didn’t mean it like that, but I know he meant it and I cannot forgive him for that.
I told him I wasn’t sorry for the distance and that it was for the best.
I am now happy spending time with my wonderful boyfriend, and he is also happy that I cut my guy bsf off because my boyfriend saw how much of a toll it was taking on my self esteem.
I guess I kinda wore those “rose colored glasses” for like six months ’til I caught my ex flirting with someone else on Instagram…
4-5 years??? Over a high school crush??? Wastedddddddd , i had to convince myself i liked him everytime i met him
It took 6 of our 7 years together. First year was great then Trump ran for office and won. The person I fell in love with became this miserable, angry, racist. Maybe he was those things all along and I just wouldn’t/couldn’t see it. The day I tried to walk away from a conversation and he wouldn’t allow me to, was when I finally walked away.
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5 years
I ended it the week of our anniversary…
Still tried to work through things after that! Had to get some sense into my head that this is who he is and it’s not something I’m doing wrong or not enough of. Also realise that life is short, love is supposed to be a beautiful thing
Nine years
12 years between dating and marriage. I justified a lot of his behaviors but he started crossing every line, until he was someone I couldn’t be with. Divorce was the best thing for my mental health and I’m so much happier now.
When the mental abuse turned to physical
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3 months. But he was a diagnosed narcissist with sociopathic tendencies so that relationship lasted 8 years. He would somehow manipulate me back into the relationship every time I left. It took me about 10 tries before i was finally in a position to scare him off for good.
It took me about 5 years.
My husband and I were married just shy of 3 years and together almost a total of 5.
What finally made me realize that I had been wearing rose colored glasses was how much dread I felt bringing him around any of my “other” friends (friends outside our immediate circle) and my own family.
What finally made me realize I’d been looking at things through rose-colored glasses was the growing sense of dread I felt whenever I had to bring him around friends outside our immediate circle or even my own family. I was constantly anxious that he’d say something rude or inappropriate—something he did often, even if it was just a casual, cutting remark.
My friend circle got smaller and smaller, and he even started saying my my mom and sister (who I’m extremely close to) were stupid.
This combined with some semi bad health issues made me think “who would be there for me, if I became severely disabled” and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna be him.
I was kinda in a daze for like six months before I saw his shady ways…
5+ years. And I don’t know if I ever would have realized it on my own. We broke up because he changed his mind on kids, and that’s just one of those dealbreakers, but looking back there were so many other reasons to end it