How long do we settle in to living together? (30F, 31M)

My fiance (31M) and I(30F) moved in together a few weeks ago.

For some background- he’s never lived with a partner, or even a roommate aside from his own mother. I’ve lived with a partner before but that ended after a month of living together (DV situation)

We’ve been together for 3 years and the past few weeks have just been….different?

We’re both (supposedly) clean people, like i knew he left cups on his night stand, but otherwise clean.

I don’t know if its just adjusting or if it’s the overwhelming amount of stuff to unpack(literally) or what.

We talked about division of things- like that if he cooks, I clean the dishes, if I cook, he cleans the dishes. He takes out the trash, I deal with laundry. He takes care of his cat, I take care of my dog, etc.

So far- I have done 100% of the grocery shopping. Cooked 100% of dinners. Packed his lunch for work every day. 100% of the laundry. 50% of breakfasts. (He makes himself breakfast before work 3-4 days a week, I make breakfast for both of us the other days. If I go out into the livingroom while he’s making breakfast, he makes it for me too- but like today- I stayed in bed for 15 extra minutes because I stayed up a few hours later than he did. Walked out, he only made himself breakfast but still had expectations for me to make his lunch)

He’s taken my dog out twice- I got stuck at work and she whined at him, the other time was his day off and I was working. But I’ve been feeding his cat twice a day, I don’t think he’s cleaned the litter box (I’m allergic to something in kitty litter so I don’t go near it, but he hasn’t even taken the bag of litter into the room the box is in)

I occasionally leave some laundry on the floor…. but only if I take something off before getting in bed, or while I’m drying off after a shower- I pick up any laundry in the morning. Him? Theres a mountain of laundry on the closet floor (large walk in- cant even walk into it because its about a foot deep with clothes both clean and dirty, all his). Pile of laundry in the bathroom- if I don’t pick it up, it just stays there. Heck, there’s a random collection of dirty shirts on the side of the couch he sits on.

When he gets home from work, he leaves his lunch box in a random place, usually with something left behind in it (one day, he didnt have time to eat at work. So turkey sandwhich got left out in there all night)

He goes through so. Much. Toilet. Paper. I get that he has IBS but it’s a full roll every day and a half, which he doesn’t change. He leaves the empty roll even though there’s a trash can right under it

I’m the only one who’s cleaned the coffee maker- every single day. (Only one of us drinks coffee, and it’s not me)

He took out trash once, otherwise it’s all been me even though he makes most of the trash.

When he cooks, I clean dishes. When I cook, the dishes sit in the sink until they annoy me. The 2 times he’s done dishes, I have to re-wash them because there’s still food on them.

I’m 100% unpacked. Him? He works 5 days a week, too tired after work, but on his days off? Those are his days off.

We agreed to use his furniture because it fit the apartment better than mine would have (size), it took 2 weeks to finally get him to at least help go through all the drawers to make space for my clothes in the dresser- there’s 15 drawers…. it turned into 5 bags of trash(that sat in the bedroom for 2 days before I got annoyed at tripping over them and took them out)

I just….

I’m so exhausted. I work, I come home, I clean, I cook…. I clean more. I stay up late doing laundry (for reference, my clothes take up 3 drawers. His take up the other 12 AND the entire closet. The laundry is all just load after load of laundry from the closet. Plus trying to make a dent in the mountain of blankets. Plus his 3 changes of clothes per day- he puts clothes on to make breakfast, throws them in the mountain, changes for work, then when he gets home from work he changes again)

He works, he comes home, he spends an hour in the bathroom, he sits down to watch TV, he eats, leaves his plate on the couch(because the table is covered in his stuff) and then plays video games. Maybe makes himself a bowl of ice-cream that gets left somewhere random when he’s done.

I work 70-80 hours a week, he works 45 (but still earns more). I just keep finding myself thinking “I wanna go home” but this is home, it just doesn’t feel like it.