TL;DR – I have been dating my boyfriend for four months and no no one around him.
I (29F) have been dating Kevin (31M) for about four months now.
It’s important to mention that, although I’ve been living in the U.S. for five years, I was born and raised in another country. Back home, once you’ve established that you’re in a relationship—boyfriend/girlfriend or any other version—you introduce your partner to your parents and friends pretty quickly.
That’s where I’ve been struggling. I haven’t demanded Kevin introduce me to anyone, (I believe in a relationship you don’t demand anything, you talk and you both agree or if you don’t than you compromise), but within a month of dating, he already knew my host family, and we had a video call so my parents and brother (back home) could meet him as well. We’ve also gone out to meet some of my friends, and we have plans to see more of them. Kevin, however, hasn’t made any effort to introduce me to anyone in his life.
There were two times when he mentioned going out with friends, and I asked if he wanted me to come along. Both times, he said yes. But on the day of, he messaged me saying his friends had canceled, and we ended up going out just the two of us. We also ran into one of his friends at a city fair once, but that was back when we were “just friends.”
Then there’s his family. His brother and sister-in-law recently moved back to our city, and his parents moved to a new house just 20 minutes away. I’ve mentioned wanting to meet them a couple of times, but he usually says something like, “All due in time.” I didn’t want to push—he’s my first actual relationship here—so I wasn’t sure if this was just an American thing. But it’s started to bother me.
Even when he took me to see the house he grew up in (his parents are selling it), it was late at night, no one was there, and we couldn’t even make noise because, technically, we weren’t supposed to be there.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do—or if I should do anything at all. Even on Facebook and Instagram, he’s okay with me posting about us and tagging him, we’re even “in a relationship with” each other on Facebook, but he hasn’t posted anything himself. Two months ago I saw a woman pop up in my friend suggestions who I thought might be his mom since they shared the same last name, so I asked him about it. I didn’t go looking for her,— her name showed up and I think it was because he was our only mutual friend. I even took a screenshot to ask him about it, and he got kind of defensive. I reassured him that I would never do anything to make him uncomfortable—I genuinely just wanted to know who she was.
So… am I overthinking this? My ADHD brain is constantly spinning through a million “what ifs,” and this whole thing has been bothering me. But I don’t want to act insecure when he hasn’t directly given me a reason to feel that way. Thank you in advance.
*names have been changed.
Comments
When my wife and I were still dating my parents met her on the third date, because we were both living at home at the time. We went out with eachother friends each within the first few months, as has been the case for most of my friends.
What he’s doing isn’t normal and I would be concerned if he’s so defensive about you meeting anyone in his life. I would talk to him about it and ask for a concrete reason, it’s a very important step forward IMO in a relationship.