For context, partner and I are in our 30s, have been together for 4 years and live together. Him and I haven’t been intimate in the bedroom for atleast 3 months and now it’s gone from being intimate once a month to once every 2-3months. The thing is, we have both talked about it and both have low s*X drives so either of us is worried. I’m curious to know if this is common for other couples!?
How long has it been since you’ve been intimate with your partner? Does it worry you the less often it happens? Is this common? Partner and I are in our 30s and only intimate once every 2-3 months.
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For context, partner and I are in our 30s, have been together for 4 years and live together. Him and I haven’t been intimate in the bedroom for atleast 3 months and now it’s gone from being intimate once a month to once every 2-3months. The thing is, we have both talked about it and both have low s*X drives so either of us is worried. I’m curious to know if this is common for other couples!?
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Sunday night. Definitely decreased after having a kid though.
It’s been a little over a week due to my wife being on her period. Typically, we’re intimate in some way 1-2 times a week. We’re both in our late 30s.
2 and half years? give or take? but my wife has a significant amount of trauma related to intimacy so thats why
How long since last time….10 hours
How often….2-3 times per week
For complete disclosure, we’re in our mid-40s but have only been together for a little over a year…we were FWB before that for a couple of years.
Everyone’s different but the wife and I usually have sex 3-4 times a week. It used to be 1-2 times with her libido being higher than mine so I’ve made an effort to try to keep her happy
So long i can’t remember i am 67
That’s unfortunate, but it’s just something you’re going to have to learn to live with. In a relationship, the partner with the lower libido wins. Since it’s not fair for you to force your partner into sex if they’re not in the mood, or not interested, you just have to adapt. Learn to live without, and be grateful you get it at least quarterly.
Just went a 9 day stretch and while most was due to my period, the rest was just due to being busy and tired. We both knew it was stressing us both out though (we both have pretty high drives), and both knew the other wanted it, so no feelings were hurt, as they sometimes get when one is wanting it more than the other.
48H, Yes, Yes, That’s low you may be spiraling towards disaster unless BOTH are truly comfortable wth this level
One a week at best, it would be more but we work conflicting hours and have a child.
It can be a bit of a strain though.
Twice your age and it varies from about twice a month to 3 times in a week. HRT was a big help, but this is all less than we thought normal 25 years ago.
As with most things, talking about this is recommended. Good luck!
The less your intimate, the less you’ll be in the mood to be intimate.
There’s this weird belief that you need to be horny to be intimate, you don’t, you just have to be open to it.. get started and you’ll then likely get in the mood.
Same age, 2-3 times a week. As someone else posted, you may not be in the mood initially but being open to it and a little foreplay does wonders.
As soon as we stopped being intimate every day I ended the relationship and I warned her in the beginning that it will happen if we ever stop. We were good for 6 years, until we weren’t.
I mean, lately we’ve been trying for children, so around ovulation we’d have sex once a day for a few days. Prior to that, we’ve gone from once a week or 2 weeks, down to once every 1-2 months :/
We’ve spoken about it, but not much change has happened. It’s not a libido problem, as she says she is masturbating from time to time. She just doesn’t think about sex outside of that until I initiate. Even then, it has to be a whole production to get her in the right mood due to sexual trauma she’s endured in the past. She wants me to find a fwb, but I dunno…we have a 1.5 year old now, and thinking about a 2nd child so it’s a bit chaotic/complicated atm. Raising a 1.5 year old is a lot of work on its own. Feels incredibly shitty to leave him in my wife’s care so I can get my rocks off with someone..
Mid to late 30’s, married for 13 years. Have sex 3-5X a week. Two kids, we make it a point to have “our time” together.
You say you both have a low sex drive, does that mean you both are impartial to sex? Do you both “enjoy” sex? Or is it more of a chore? You’re asking about it so I’m going to assume you miss/enjoy it, but are you doing anything to pursue it?
If you both are comfortable with it, then there shouldn’t be a problem. My wife of ten years and I are roughly your age and have sex with the same frequency, give or take. We used to be crazy 5-6 years ago, but have since calmed down a bit due to life circumstances, medications, stress, etc.
But we are very intimate as well. We hug and cuddle constantly and love each other enough to know that sex isn’t that big of a deal. We talk every day and sleep beside each other. We make each other laugh.
Contrary to what reddit seems to say sometimes, relationships without sex can exist and be successful. It just requires both people to be honest with each other about expectations and desires.
Every 2 to 3 months? Is that all? Single man over here at 12 years.
If both your sex drives match up then it should be good as long as they stay relatively synced up, low libido couples exist and end up being pretty stable, I hear. If everything’s good, everything’s good. I’m hoping that this is how my relationship ends up working out, just on the same wavelength (or similar enough to be workable) at very, very low libido.
There is no right or wrong here, each couple finds their own cadence. Having said that, if this isn’t right for you, then you have a problem. While I wouldn’t guess your cadence is unusual, I am about to turn 50 and we go at it twice a week, and it feels fun and intimate and alive.
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Luckily you are both LL and the frequency seems to work for you. It’s more of an issue if one is HL and the other is LL which unfortunately is most cases (like myself).
If you never have sex again, but you’re both happy with it and don’t miss it, it’s not a problem.
There is not right or wrong in a relationship, there is what works for both parties. It’s totally fair if that’s just the level of libido you both have
Hey… you guys do you, without outside influence from people who don’t know you and aren’t qualified subject matter authorities.
That said, you guys are young (30s) and your relationship is still kinda new (4Yrs) – I’d (67M, married 43Yrs) be “concerned” that you’re trending down in intimacy frequency. I wonder if you’re better off making some painful decisions, like “What do I want from this part of my life?” and “Would we be better off in a different relationship, ie “Just Friends” or not even involved with each other at all?”
These are tough ones. I wish you well.
You both have low sex drives.
Is the level of sex an issue or bothering one or both of you?
I would say it’s on the low end of sexual regularity, but that’s ok if it works for you.
Be more concerned about how you feel in your relationship and your connection to your partner and less concerned with what is statistically/socially ‘normal’.
Eh it’s been about 2 months, but our toddler just pushed out 4 molars then had a bad cold followed by wife’s period lmao a lots going on in the house with chaotic nights
Getting 6ish hours of shut eye a night has been a bigger blessing than getting laid atm
I wouldn’t let it worry you unless either of you wants to make love more (a lot), and if someone does, it is probably a discussion you need to have to find the reason why and look for a solution.
If any side of a partnership is not getting what they want out of a partnership, it can fall apart, and sexual intimacy is just as important a part as any other.
My wife and I are in our 40s, we only have sex like twice a month and neither of us cares. Im 47, and honestly I don’t care about sex anymore, it’s just not important to me.
I believe it is a problem. Something is amiss. Every relationship goes through cycles of being closer and distant, and it’s ok to drift away for the short term, but if it’s once every 2-3 months is your normal baseline, there’s most likely an issue that needs to be addressed.
If your needs and his are been met and you are both otherwise happy and satisfied together than then that is completely fine.
As with all things related to human sexuality it’s a spectrum and there is no right/wrong number – for me and my wife in terms of sex it’s 1-2 times a week with spells where it’s every day and others where it can be a week or two because that’s what works for us but if we count intimacy to mean snuggling up, hugging each other and expressing affection then that’s multiple times daily and we always cuddle before going to sleep (which is if we are both feeling it usually the trigger for sexy times).
If both of you would like to do it more often then its really just a case of creating the opportunities and seeing where that goes without expectation :).
Normal looks different for every couple. As others have said, if both of your needs are met and you’re both happy with how things are, then there’s no problem!
The problems could occur if one of you is content and the other wants more sex. That would be when you guys need to communicate to figure out how to handle the situation.
Or maybe you both want more sex. That’s also an easy solution! 😉
The key in any situation is open communication, clarity, and honesty.
As long as you’re both happy then it’s doesn’t matter. My wife worried about this during a busy stage of our lives and started mentioning dreams about me cheating and such. I changed my tone from saying I love her, to her being everything I need and she calmed right down. So discuss it, then make changes if needed, but otherwise how often it happens is as arbitrary as it could be.
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I’m in my 50s and have sex once or twice a year. Do I think this is ideal… Hell no. But what can ya do
I dealt with this for 21 years straight and for the whole time I just made the best of it. In the end the relationship failed and I’m only now realising the damage it did. I’ve been in therapy for 2 years, made a lot of progress but so much more to do.
Sex is an essential part of life. If you (as a couple) don’t have the tools to fix this – and it seems you don’t, then get help from a psychosexual therapist.
The wife and I are high sex drive folks so we rarely miss a day. We’d both have serious issues if it was that infrequent. Sex is very important to our relationship and the cornerstone of our intimacy.
After i started taking finasteride that hunger has gotten more control and i feel less frustrated if it goes over a week.
Four years and counting. Basically room
Mates at this point but with the relationship title.
IF you are both in sync and IF you are both honest about having an equal libido then you’re golden. So long as you are both content. IF people are less honest out of embarrassment then it won’t work.
It’s been a day. We had relations before he went to work yesterday.
4 kids, married 9 years and in our mid 30s. We have sex about once a night, sometimes every other but it’s generally consistent with once a night. Some days on weekends it’s 2x.
I’m 38 and my wife is 37. Sex is the most important thing to me because it’s the ultimate way of me getting to love my wife. There is no amount of hugs or kisses that can do it, but at least during sex I can have as much passion for her as possible. I want it at least a couple of times a week but she only wants it once a week or maybe every other week. I told her that cannot work without me getting depressed between sessions. Right after sex and the next day I feel great, then the second day I start to want it more, then the third day I really want it, and by the fourth or fifth day without sex I’m getting pissed and it’s literally all I can think about. I’ve told her this and she is working on it. We are somewhere around weekly right now. If I could get her to around every 3 days it would be almost perfect
(M) here. When I was married to a (F), it began pretty often, but within a year through the end of our marriage, it was only like once every 4-6 months. It always have one thing or another, and I chalked it up to her just having a low drive. In my current relationship with a (M) we try to be active and engaged in some form of intimacy at least every day to every other day, barring things such as illnesses and so forth.
I have some health issues that prevent me from doing that stuff at the moment. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that physically I can’t. And we both know that.
By the time we officially separated leading up to the divorce, we hadn’t been physical with each other in nearly four years. Basically, the vast overwhelming majority of our marriage.
By then, my trust in her had been so utterly rocked that I couldn’t bring myself to even try that with her anymore.
Having a child has made it more difficult to do it weekly.
Around a week, but to be fair I wasn’t home for a week.
It depends on how much less often and why.
I would not stay in a dead bedroom or a once a month relationship probably unless its something medical.
About 9 hrs. We are overdue. But you know, work…
whatever works for you, as long as both agree and are happy with it.
I’m 56, married 33 years. We have sex 3 to 5 times a week. Other couples we hang out with. Couple A twice a week. Couple B once a week. Couple C almost daily.
We’re about on the same cadence, we have young kids who wake us up early and it’s go go go all day until we we basically collapse after they go to bed
Last Sunday. We are very consistent. Once or twice a week and daily on vacation
Well, being long distances at 2,883 miles, we last saw each other on August 30th of 2024. So, I would say that early morning/late night of August 29.
My wife is 36 weeks pregnant. Our intimacy has changed a lot but it’s still something she values and enjoys in some form or another so I’m not worried about it being a long term trend. I imagine that when her body starts to recover, so will her ability to be intimate in every way again.
We are 3-4 times a week. Was once or twice a day but our kids are older and harder to find time. I wouldn’t be with someone if we went months without being intimate. Its an important part of a relationship
We are in our early 60s – 3-4 times a week. Was daily until she went through menopause ( during our mid 50s).
Last time for me: 1998.
Married over ten years, I think last time was early May? This is very common in heterosexual couples.
In our early 30s and together 13y, probably once or twice every few years and has always been like that.
At 40, give or take, we’re still on a most days, sometimes a couple times, schedule. I would worry about a significant decrease in frequency. I really can’t comprehend not having sex with my wife for more than a few days unless we’re literally in different locations for travel.
4 years for me. We’re both in our 30s but she has health problems which have completely destroyed her sex drive. I haven’t had sex at all in my 30s.
She has said I can sleep with other people but I just couldn’t do it as I love her too much.
The problem is when you want to prioritize it and your partner doesn’t. Or when only one of you puts in the effort.
We can go anywhere from weekly to every couple months. Also married in our 30s. We’ve talked about it and nobody is really upset by the frequency.
OMG. All these answers of months or years. I mean, I know sex isn’t EVERYTHING, but it’s the ONLY thing that sets the relationship apart from others (family, friends, roommates, colleagues, etc). YIKES. I couldn’t live like that.
6 hours. Still fucking daily. If I don’t initiate, she will.
Remember intimacy doesn’t have to be just sex. Do you have a good physical connection otherwise? Hugs, cuddles, ect
I embrace my partner multiple times a day. That physical connection lets me read her body language better. Does she lean into it, stay stiff, pull away, ect
We hit our 50’s this year and the wife went into menopause so it’s been a rarity the past couple of years, which kind of sucks because we had pretty consistent sex prior, especially during Covid.
2 days ago. We’re both 27 and have sex around 2-3 times a week. 2-3 times a month sounds like a problem to me.
I’m 38, she’s 30 – on a good day, 3x. More often it’s twice a day and usually take one day off each week, so I guess 12+ times a week.
Together for 3,5 years and about once every 2 to 3 weeks. I’d say as long as your drives coincide there no problems whatsoever right?
Once every couple of months, waiting for menopause to calm down see if she feels more up for it.
3 days ago, probably averages out at 1-2 times a week. We have a 1 year old, so making time for each other has become important, and communicating when needs are and aren’t being met is extremely important for both of us. She’s way more passionate than she was before children, and I do believe us being more vulnerable about it all has done wonders for our relationship. It was always great, now it’s really something special.
It did get to I want to say 3 months without anything while she was pregnant. Her libido cratered in the 2nd trimester, and she had an unfortunately eventful pregnancy so neither of us wanted to potentially do anything to hurt our daughter or her. Once the third trimester rolled around, and we were in the clear medically, things got more frequent again, and then after her c-section it was I want to say 6 to 7 weeks before she was interested in intimacy. She was still recovering at that point and we had a newborn, so we were both exhausted anyway. Once our daughter got a little older and was sleeping longer stretches, we were both game for our normal frequency again. I believe we’ve reached a sweet spot we’re both pretty happy with, with a great level of non physical intimacy outside of the bedroom too
My last relationship (M29 F25) I lost my sex drive completely and we had sex about once every four months. This was because I didn’t want to as all for many reasons. Now I am seeing someone new (F27) and we usually have sex twice every time we see eachother which is about twice a week.
I’m 34 my wife is 31. We’ve been together 14 years. We usually have sex probably 2 times a week at most. Typically I’d say it’s about 4 times a month (so once a week).
I’d love it to be more often, but realistically I don’t think that’d work. We have 2 young kids who are now home all the time because of summer break. My wife works very long hours 10+, 5 days a week and her days off aren’t ever the same on a week to week basis.
Our sex is usually scheduled in advance. Rarely do we have spontaneous sex.
She’s on vacation currently and we’re “glamping” I guess and share a room with our kids so at least these 4 days we won’t be having sex, but we had sex the day before we left and she’s been saying when we get back tomorrow evening she’d like to.
We’ll see if she’s up for it when the time comes because I’m always ready for it.
2-3 months would be awful.
We recently tried to test ourselves and go without for 11 days leading up to our 7 year wedding anniversary. It was awful. We were both so irritable and had so many opportunities for sex and just didn’t do it. We wanted to really build it up and crave each other. We made it the 11 days, but it was awful. We were probably craving each other 4 days in.
Never again. We both decided that.
After our first kid she almost died and we were told she’d be on bed rest and stuff for longer than normal women. We didn’t get the green flag for 6 months to have sex again. Torture. Then again we weren’t really struggling with it because she was healing and we had an infant to watch after.
Those 6 months were the longest we’ve gone without sex with each other since we started dating and the longest I had gone without sex of any kind since I was 15.
About twice a week, or once depending on circumstances. Never less than that. We both have needs and love being together. Married, 39m and 31f.
My wife and I had sex 4 times last year. Recently we were binging 6 Feet Under and there’s a couple in the show who are in their mid 30s like us. They were talking about frequency of sex and said something along the lines of “a normal couple does it around 2-3 times a week.” I laughed out loud at it. Wife got annoyed at me doing so. I said well we only did it 4 times last year, she said oh you’re keeping count? I said it’s kind of hard not to when I could keep track on one hand.
We have since started couples counseling and things are a little better.
If you’re both fine with it, it’s no problem, a relationship is what you make it.
I was with my wife for 20 years, we had sex every day.
People are different, and that’s ok.
I would suggest that on the coming “sex day”, you make a real day of it, date night, splurge on a hotel maybe.
Wife and I have been together for 11 years as a couple. Ours has decreased to 2-4 times a week since our daughter was born. We used to have intimacy 5-7 times a week, I’m terrified of the number declining even more. M38 F33
It’s been slightly over 24 hours.
I’d worry if we started going longer than a couple weeks without sex, that would be abnormal for us.
Everyone’s different tbh every 2-3 weeks seems ok for my and my partner but it’s different for everyone, everyone has different sex drives and lifestyles.
Yes. It worries me because I do not want a dead bedroom. It really drives me up the walls, but I understand everyone is different, and I accept that. I just wish she would be open to communicating about it because I really value intimacy. Her and I will need to talk about it because it is really bothering me, but she is going through something right now, and her mental well-being is my first priority.
1 month now, it was getting better after our “I’m ready to leave.” talk after I was snubbed in every possible way for Valentine’s but now I’m second guessing it all.
Longest dry spell was 5 months last year.
My wife and I have a loose “no less often than once a week” rule. Often it’s more, but if we get lazy or something, one of us puts an end to it. It’s worked really well to keep us from falling into a rut. She already said yesterday that we have to have sex today.
A little over a month. But I didn’t finish, and im not sure i did the previous time a month before that.
Im in a mixed place of missing the sex and not wanting it at all for how little she seems to care during.
I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but I’d suggest finding ways to be intimate beyond the bedroom if that’s the case. Because if it’s 2-3 months now, soon it’s going to be 4-6 months and only out of obligation. Soon enough you’re living with a roommate.
Mid 50s….and it’s gotta be at least 2-3 times a week. Each person is different….so if less works for you…so be it. I would just worry about losing that emotional connection by less frequent activity. As long as you keep dating your partner and communicate…you’ll be fine. Also try new things….toys…location….position. Make each time interesting rather than a routine.
An hour ago.
Once a week is quite normal I’d say.
Tuesday
Once a week.
Last night was supposed to be our quickie time but she is sick so. Not this week.